Saturday, October 21, 2006

Oh man, don't make me laugh


These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who feltwe should siton the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

      I found these amusing and they gave me a painful giggle or 2.  Not much going on this morning.  I am awake because the new pain pill makes me itch.  I remember that now from the last time I was on them.  Hopefully today I can do without or go back to the darvocet. 

   Sugar,  I do have 4 small incisions with a total of 13 staples not one big incision.  I think they used staples because my incisions have a tendency to break open.   The one on my belly button has 5 staples and itches extremely.

   I am feeling better today except for the itch and have already done some dusting.  Already I am sick and tired of sitting around.  The weather was 60 yesterday and I looked longingly at my bike but resisted the temptation.

   Another thing I have resisted was weighing in.I remember after my breast reduction I weighed in the next day and was up 11 pounds from the fluids.  I know I am up today as I can't get my rings on.  Don't need that mental trauma today.  My stomach is so swollen I have only been wearing my sweats.  They feel pretty comfortable. 


    Tomorrow is my oldest son's birthday.   We sent his gifts and card out the day before my surgery so I hope he got them.  I sure miss him.  Next weekend is Ricks birthday.  We might go to Iowa City to see some motorcycle trials.  One of the few sports I enjoy is watching motocross.   I would like to go and do something special for Ricks birthday.

    Another problem with my journal.  When I try to correct a word and delete the letter and retype the word wants to erase.  That is why remember is spelled the way it is up there.  If I try to fix it the entire entry gets erased.  I did just to spell check which fixed it but what a pain.

    I have been thinking about quitting my journal.  They are thinking of making them more like the AIM pages which I am not thrilled with.  Either quitting the journal or just going private.  I think it starts in November so I will see how it goes but it is more for the younger people from what I see.  I might just restart a private journal and get back on my weightloss journey.  I am really feeing gung ho about it especially with my tummy swollen to twice its size.  Looks like it did before I lost weight.



jckfrstross said...

please don't quit your journal:( hope you have a great weekend  :)


madcobug said...

I don't know exactly what is happening on the delete word and trying to type another about the erasing of it. Sometimes mine does sorta like that as when I try typing in a letter after correcting a work as I type the next letter disappears sorta like you mentioned but when it starts doing that I go to second row of tabs on the right side of my keyboard and push the insert key and the letter will go in and then everything is ok. (my daughter showed me how to do that because I didn't know about it)Don't know if this is what you are talking about or not. Please don't leave you journal I enjoy reading it very much. I love to hear about those bike rides and look at all the lovely pictures you take along the trails. Hope you day goes well. Helen

springangel235 said...

Yes, they made me giggle too!  Thanks for sharing...
Please don't give up your journal...I am like Deb on this issue.
If you do go private...please include me...I truly want to visit you and keep updated...many hugs and love...have a great weekend...

madcobug said...

PS I had a giggle over those Doctors notes. I have a glass globe similiar to the one on the left in the first grapic. I put a candle in it at Christmas. Helen

lanurseprn said...

Please don't quit journaling.  If you do go private I hope you'll add me to your readers.  
I know what you mean though....I've thought of quitting mine a few times.
I sure hope you feel ok and are getting around alright.  Thanks for the laugh today.

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

I think that the one on the Doctors paient charts..#4 is my favorite..LOL...hehehehehehe.  Happy birthday to your son!!!My journal is the same way if I want to correct something...I sure hope the correct that!  Have a good weekend..and get your self back to normal!  Hugs,TerryAnn

rebuketheworld said...

OK...why do you want to quit your journal?....If you go private hope you will add me to your list.....but you must not I sound would be clearly missed...not sure what the AIM journal thing you mentioned is about..I know nothing about that or the differences...

that list you offered was hysterical...Oh..I hate staples...had them one time and told the doctor never again..healing takes longer...I think they do it because they're being lazy..and stitching takes longer....I even got an infection because the wound didnt close...had to go back and get hoping you dont have to do that....itching is crazy....I wrote a pretty disgustingly funny article on itching...I will have to send it to you........hoping your recovery is very soon..-Raven