Sunday, September 30, 2007



     I am bushed.   Work has been.....well work!  Yesterday I got pulled to the surgical floor for 12 hours.  Oh the pain meds I gave all night.  We don't give that many pain meds on our floor, just drips.  Give me heart drips any day.   My back was just screaming.  Tonight we were having blue light specials on flash pulmonary edema.  Back and forth to the ICU pushing loaded beds, what fun and I was charge at 11.  Every light was on and we were getting transfers at the same time we were sending them to ICU.   Never a boring moment and the 12 hours just flew by.  I feel every second of my age today.  I am so ready for bed.

    Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  We have rain and storms knocking off all of our beautiful fall foliage.  And I didn't get any pictures.  Hospice thinks it may be time for me to take my Leave of absence so I am talking to my boss in the morning.  Hope it goes well.

    Well....night all.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I wish you enough


                  I Wish You Enough!

    Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments  together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

    Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

    The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough.  Your love is all I ever needed.  I wish you enough, too, Mom".
    They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking,  "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

    Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking,
    but why is this a forever good-bye?".

    "I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be
    for my funeral," she said.

    "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?".

    She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".  Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

    I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude
    bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
    I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

    I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

    I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

    I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

    I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

    I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
    She then began to cry and walked away.

    They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bone Density scan

     I had some pretty good results from my scan.  No further bone loss, Yah.  So I was hoping it would get better, but this is great. You want everything to be in the green area's and your numbers to be a plus.  My back is in the yellow area but not the red, Yippy and my hips are in the low part of the green area.  The right hip has improved by .01 which is still up not down.   I have managed to stop the loss in its track by my exercising.  Makes me determined to start back at the gym and start doing the weight lifting again.  The bone density scan only takes minutes, is painless and you only have to do it every 2 years.  Have I convinced you all to get yours done?

     Ricks bruising is more this morning so they are going to check his blood counts today.  They increased his coumadin so hopefully he will be at the therapeutic level soon.

      Back to work tonight.  I have been off since Tuesday.  It will be hard to get back in the swing but thankfully these days off have allowed my back to calm down for awhile.  A friend of mine is working tonight that has been off because her grandson is very ill.  It will be wonderful to see her.  I love working with her.

     We spend yesterday at my MIL's.  She looks tired these days and pale.  I think she has given it the great fight and am impressed.  Right now I am waiting for the hospice nurse to call then I am going to walk the dog.  She is also going to get a bath today.

    Jeanne was the first to ask for the card so I have it all picked out and will mail it today.  Sign your name and city, state, date and I would love it if each person who gets it drops me a line.  I can't wait to see where it all travels to.  First stop New Jersey.


         The picture above and below is where I am going to walk the dog today.  What fun.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Poor Rick

Even in the case of individuals, there is no possibility to feel happiness through anger. If in a difficult situation one becomes disturbed internally, overwhelmed by mental discomfort, then external things will not help at all. However, if despite external difficulties or problems, internally one's attitude is of love, warmth, and kindheartedness, then problems can be faced and accepted.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama


       Rick had a fair of bruising at both his puncture sites.  I checked today and there is fresh bruising.  Which of course there shouldn't be 5 days after his surgery.  So I am calling the doctor and trying to get him to just stop wandering around and doing so much.  The bruise is now half way down his leg.  I am marking it but I definitely want the doctor to check a CBC in the morning.   Figures he would have complications.  I will never get him to the doctors after this, LOL.

     Right now he is searching all over looking for his keys.  Rick is always losing something.  Is it all men?  Is it because they don't carry a purse.  I don't know how many hours of our life have been spent looking for lost keys, sunglasses, radio's, wallets, etc.....  Put them in the same place every day so you always know where they are I tell him.  I do, he snaps.  Yup, that is why we are tearing the house apart looking for these keys.  Half the time I will finally start looking and find them right out in the open.  He is so sure they are buried he doesn't look in the most obvious place.  And while he is frantically searching for his keys he is bleeding more and more into his leg.  Darn man.

    Now for lighter news.  Be careful whatyou buy at auctions.
Now wouldn't that just shock the heck out of you.  Obviously I would never use that smoker, LOL.  Now before you think it is really weird one of the Indian tribes around here always retrieves any limb that may have to be amputated.  They put it in cold storage until that person dies and the part is buried with the person.  So it is not unheard of.  Usually however the storage area isn't a smoker.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Vet report and Birthday present.

   I am so happy today because the vet report was good.  The lump on her right elbow was a pre-cancerous squamous cell tumor.   The edges were clean.   Meaning they got it all.   The other 2 area's were just some weird cyst.   My knees went limp....I swear I almost passed out I was holding my breath so hard.    So it was good news.  Hopefully.  The cancer was caught in time.     On the way out of the vets Zoey went up to some strange dog that was bigger then her and gave her a lick on the face.  The dog sat up looking surprised and the owner laughed.    I said doggy kisses, aren't they cute.   She was so happy and so was I.   I took her for a long walk along the river.  Both of us so happy we couldn't speak.   I love my dog.

     Rick has been having some complications from his surgery.  Excessive bleeding in his groin.  He has bruising down to his knees and is in pain.   Poor man.  Plus his lab showed he wasn't thin enough on his blood.  He got the last 2 shots and the doctor increased his coumadin to 7 mg.  Thursday he gets his lab again.

       MIL looks so sick and ready to go to bed and not get up again.   So sad and sick.  This is sad times but we can do this.  She is ready.  Now to get her son's ready.

      I love this grove of trees.  So calm and peaceful and a great picture to meditate too.  If I was young and wild I would run naked though this grove looking for my unicorn to ride.  With long blond wild hair.

    Today I got a wonderful present for my birthday.   I get money for my gifts as everyone knows I like to get something I like.    This year I ordered a picture from Greg. 
        I have a picture in my livingroom I just love.  It is a beach picture that is so restful.

  Greg has a picture that is so restful and just perfect to compliment this picture I have I have wanted it for a long time.   My birthday seemed like the perfect time to order the photo I wanted.  I received it today.  It is wonderful.   The photo's do not do it justice.

 The frame is perfect, the photo is perfect and Greg did a wonderful job.   Thank you Greg.  I love it.

     Now for another thing.  I want to send a card around the J-land community.   I would like to send it to someone who asks to have it.  They would sign it and send it to someone else who wants it...... and so and so on and so on.   After 6 months who ever has it should send it back to me.   I would love to see where it has traveled too in the world.   If after 6 months  more people want it I would send it on for another 6 months.   What do you think?   Would you send it on if you got it?   Let me know.

          Well.  The time is late and I need to rest and have another pear.  Have I mentioned that they were wonderful.  Take care world.   I love you.

Monday, September 24, 2007

No news


        Well, the vets office wouldn't tell me anything until tomorrow when she gets her sutures out.  Hummmm.   Is that bad news?  Am I making to much out of it?  Sigh.  Guess I will just have to wait and find out tomorrow like I was going to in the first place.  

          In the morning Rick has to get his blood work and then we will spend the rest of the morning at my MIL's.   She is looking pretty bad.   BIL is back to going to the store by way of the local bar everyday so I made her lunch and cleaned a little.   I am trying to get Rick nailed down to moving in.  He is starting to really make me mad.   Than after that we are going to the vets around 2:30.

       I am feeling really fat and fluffy lately.  No riding, no exercising and bad food choices.   I need to stop eating due to stress and boredom.  After I have my pear for dessert tonight because they are just perfect right now.

     Wed. I get my
bone density test.   Now have you ladies who are menopausal had your's  done?   It is so important to get a baseline and then have it done every 2 years.  My first one was perfect.  Then I had my surgery and they removed my ovaries.  Instant menopause.   2 years later my scan was so bad they told me not to fall as I could break my back and both hips show loss.  That is when Istarted lifting weights.  I recommend  Strong women stay Young.  Great book.  So I am anxious to see if I have slowed down or stopped my bone loss.  I don't want to go on medication.  I must admit to being really terrible about taking my calcium pills though.  I am terrible at taking pills.

     Anyway I am still under the weather.  I wish I could get over this crud.  I have just enough of a temp to make me ache all over.
Take care all and peace to you all over the world.


Monday Monday


            It's Monday and for many of you its time to go back to work.  Sorry bout that.  Although I don't have to go to work I am working today.  I have 3 packages to mail.   Sales have been good this month, yippy.  They were nonexistent last month while people were busy getting their kids off to school.  Yesterday I spent some time listing some new old items and cleaning house.  I was so behind.

    Then I have decided to call the vet after all today.  Tomorrow she gets her sutures out, but what if they give me terrible news and there I am crying and not able to concentrate on my driving.  This way I hear today and then have a day to compose myself.  I also have to make an appointment for Rick to get his blood check to see if he is therapeutic with his coumadin. 

    Twice today I  have to give him his shot and 3 times I have to give Zoey her meds.  I do still feel like I am at work.  The shots are getting harder and harder for Rick to take.   They don't hurt when I give them but they hurt for awhile afterward.  So he is starting to dread them.  2 more days.  And he ended up with some real good bruises on his groin where the needles went in.  He is a very pretty color, LOL.  

    Yesterday it was hot here.  I had to use the AC in the bedroom last night.

   For the first day of Fall thats pretty good.  Wish we could go for a ride.  I might load the bike and go myself except today it is suppose to rain.  And of course I want to go to my MIL's today.  I have some dinner for her.  We are going to talk about moving in today also. 

    So that is my day.  I have pork cutlets for supper tonight.  Going to do a German meal my Mom liked and cook it in the  slow pot with sauerkraut.    It gets the best flavor.  As a child I would never eat the sauerkraut but I like it now.  And I bought some yummy pears and grapes.  They must be in season.

     So take all and thanks again for the well wishes.  I will let you all know what the vet says.



Sunday, September 23, 2007

Home Sweet Home


        Every road leads home and we are glad to be back in ours.  Both of us slept better then we have in a week.  Own bed, own covers, own pillows and one less worry.   If I wasn't under the weather today we would be feeling pretty good.

        I had to give Rick his shot in his stomach last night.  He kept putting it off, LOL but we finally got it done.  Now I give this shot probably 3 times a night at work and don't even think about it, but it is different doing it to your hubby.  Finally with his eyes squeezed shut he goes...."get it over with".  "I'm done", I say.  "What"! he says opening his eyes, "that didn't even hurt like it did last night, I didn't even feel it, Why"?  "Skill", I tell him as I turn away relieved, skill. .  Sheesh.  1 down 5 more to go.

    He is feeling better now that most of the anesthesia is getting out of his system.  I had told him it takes around 48 hours and he was happy to see that is true.  I should know after having had 11 surgeries.  I got that down pat.  What I usually do is take my pain pills and hit the sack to try and sleep for the 2 days it is going to be bad.  Rick won't take the pain pill because he didn't like the feeling.

     Well, Zoey is looking at me waiting for her walk.  She is feeling dumpy the last couple of days also.  I suppose the staph and still from her surgery.  She gets her sutures out in 2 days.  She will be happy about that.  I think I will wait until Tuesday to ask the doctor about the biopsy.  Can we say chicken......


Saturday, September 22, 2007

We're back


     Well it's over and hopefully was a complete success.  We will have to see of course and they say the A-Fib can get worse instead of better for awhile but so far none.  He was in surgery around 6 hours.  I read a book cover to cover thats how long he was in.  Thank goodness I had a good , although depressing book, to distract me.  All the other families came and went all day and there I sat.  Since Rick had a general he slept though the entire thing which is a good thing.

    They found 4 to 6 area's they corrected and said he has some extra vessels which may have accounted for his A-fib.  He looked so shocked and in pain when he got out.  There is just no way to really prepare you for your first surgery.  But he did well and unlike me woke up with a huge appetite which we had trouble satisfying.  He was so hungry.

    Our motel room turned out to be a suite and was very nice.  It had a microwave and refrigerator so I got some meals and ate there.

     The bed were really short, maybe around 6 feet, but they had this headboard that made them shorter.  Rick is 6'2 so he was pretty squished up.  They had this wonderful lighting that you could make a soft blue if you wanted and the door shut between the living room area and the bedroom in case you couldn't sleep and wanted to read.  Then after his surgery he had this really nice private room.

     The hotel had internet and a workout room but I spent most of the day with Rick in his room after he came back.  I just wanted to make sure myself he had no bleeding from the puncture sites.  He had a line in his neck and both groins.  He now looks like Zoey as they shaved parts of his back, his chest and his groin.  The nurses were very good and so young.  I tried not to do the nurse relative thing,  although I did do his walk.  She was so tiny if he passed out he would have squashed her and he was pretty unsteady when he got up.

     I hate driving in a bigger city but managed to get us home without an accident.  Zoey was so happy to see us.  Turns out she has staph in the rash so she is back on antibiotics.  Now where did she pick that up from?  And chicken that I am I didn't ask about the biopsy and they didn't offer to tell me.  I will call them on Monday.

     Now for the next 3 days I have to give Rick a shot in his love handles, LOL.  He will be on aspirin, lovenox, and coumadin which are all to keep him from getting any clots.  Seems like overkill.  Hope he doesn't cut himself as he will bleed out pretty quick.  The shots are only for 3 days but I am surprised he is doing the aspirin and coumadin together.  Oh well the doctor hopefully knows best.

   MIL looked pretty shaky when we got home.  Thinner and grayer and her stomach is larger.  BIL was sleeping, or passed out on the porch.  I am glad we are back in town.

    So one thing down that has been causing stress.  Hopefully Monday will get good news on Zoey.  They to take care of MIL and get Rick feeling better.  He ended up with some swelling at the puncture site on both side so is pretty sore.  Thanks to all for you well wishes.  It really helped.

     Tomorrow is the first day of Fall so Happy Fall all.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

For the Mom's

  Just had to post this before I leave.  I got it in an email today.

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.  "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will ne ver again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash and every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think
that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will
reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

 However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once
she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish mydaughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Well, the day is almost upon us

       Rick's ablation is tomorrow.  We started the whole procedure way back in Nov. of last year and the day is almost here.  Rick has slept terrible, his nerves are on edge.  He is so nervous I am nervous.  I know he is in good hands and I know he will be fine but his dread is infectious.  I can't wait until tomorrow is over.

      I was petting Zoey and found 2 more lumps.  Sheesh, I swear they hadn't been there the day before.  These 2 new ones feel like cysts though but I sure wish she would stop getting them.  Plus she keeps licking her incisions on her legs and they are getting red looking.  I spend all day telling her to stop it.  I am not looking forward to taking her to the vet todays.  She justs hates it and being left is going to really depress her.  Last time sweety.

      I got last night off for low census.  What a blessing.  I won't be so tired today when we go to Omaha and my back didn't get another workout.

     I had to go back on FMLA for my back.  It has been acting up so much again lately I wanted to make sure my job was safe.  I have only missed one day because of my back, but with more disc's bulging I want to protect my job.  I am going to have to get another MRI soon to see how bad it has became.  I just am not sure I want to know.  Ya know!

      The weather is just wonderful outside.  Should be a beautiful day for traveling.  I am not sure when we will be leaving.  Rick is talking morbid about how he didn't make a will and he should have canceled until after his mother was gone so she wouldn't have to go through the loss of her son in her final days, did  I mention he was nervous and morbid!  I have had so many surgeries I guess I just have learned to put my trust in the doctors.  This is the first thing Rick has ever had done.  I told him if he died in surgery I would kill him so he had just better behave and start putting out some good vibes.

     MIL is doing OK.  She is home of course having refused Respite care.  I am just not going to think about for the next couple of days.  Stubborn woman and I know hospice is going to check on her more.   Rick has been spending the days there.

     Well, I guess I had better get busy.  Notice the day just seems to fly when you have lots to do and you don't seem to have enough time to get it all done.  Thanks to everyone for all your well wishes.  I am holding your prayers close to my heart for warmth and comfort so I can block out Rick's fears.

        I love the picture of the bird I took last year.  He looks like he hasn't a care in world which I didn't have either when I took it.  I was on my bike, the day was beautiful, and life was good.  I find this picture represents that for me and I am looking forward to perfect days like that to come. 

       Last night we watched the movies Long Way Round about 2 motorcyclist who drove around the world.   The one thing they kept saying which those of us who journal know.  The world around people all want the same things.  A roof over our heads, food to feed our children and warmth at night.  Everyone was so friendly on their trips.  If we got rid of all the politicians telling us all to hate each other, would we all get along world wide,.........probably.  Heres a wave and a hello for all the world.  I love you all.


Wednesday, September 19, 2007


            I am just dragging this morning after work.  So ready for bed.  My back is so painful and I am tired.

               Rick feels better this morning.  Tomorrow we go to the vet.   They did something special for Zoey and we are bringing her blanket to lie on.  I hope it works out.  He wants to look at the rash.

          Well, this is short.  I am ready to fall asleep.  Take care all.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Fall is coming

     And supper is right in the back yard.  Not that I would ever have the courage to actually kill one.  Much rather shoot them with a camera.  Less messy also, LOL.

    Not much going on.  Rick had A-fib again today and just felt awful.   My back is out and I just feel awful.  I have hit the wall emotionally also and just feel wiped out.

     The stress at work is so different then having stress at home.  Its not really even stress at work. its just keeping on top of things and making sure everything gets done, making sure your patients are fine, that kind of things.  Being charge is a bother at times because you have so many different things to keep an eye on besides just your patients.  But family problems are a new thing for us.  Worry about Zoey,  MIL and even worry about BIL keep invading my thoughts and ruining my sleep.  I think it makes it worse knowing there is nothing I can do to prevent the upcoming events.  I can't cure my MIL, I can't cure Zoey, I can't help my BIL.  I can only sit an watch it all unfold helpless to change the course of whats to come. 

   I must admit to liking some organization in my life.  Know what to expect and what we will do when and if.  This lack of direction is hard for me.  For the first time I am not having as much luck with my meditation helping me to keep a even keel.  I know life throws you punches all the time, but haven't had this many thrown at me at once before. 

    After Ricks surgery Friday it will be better.  Hopefully.  MIL is doing pretty good and BIL is getting some things done that she has been worrying about.  Bringing things to light has given her the courage to tell him what she wants him to do.  She still wants him to go back home and take care of business.  I am not sure he should be leaving at this time, but I am staying out of it.  I voiced my concerns about the drinking and driving, the rest is up to them, LOL.

     I work tonight and tomorrow and then Thursday we go to Omaha.  Thursday is also the day we could find out about the biopsy but I am not going to ask about it until we get back.  I just don't want to know.  Gee, hide my head in the sand.


Sunday, September 16, 2007

Soccer and grandkids

      My granddaughter loves soccer but actually has really liked all the sports she plays.  Anything where she can run around is fun.  She is so cute.  I wish she was coming next month also but the great news is my son and grandson are coming next month for a visit.  I can't wait.  I haven't seen him will be 2 years next month.  Major hugging coming up.

     Work was OK last night.  I was charge at 11 and we got 3 admits but it wasn't bad.  One more night.  I am well rested today so it should be fine.

      I finished that book Mutant Message down Under.   You know how you read a book 20 some years ago and it makes such an impression on you and then you read it again when your older and more cynical and it has lost its charm?  That is what had happened with the book.  I just didn't believe it now.     Now it reads like one of those white modern man has destroyed all that is good and right in the world and we must be stopped books.  Kind of like Bambi, "Careful Bambi....MAN is in the forest".  Horrors!

      I have a jaundiced eye on some of the foul cries of evil we have done.  Yes we have torn down trees, we have re-routed rivers, we had cultivated our civilization as man has done for centuries.  Like gophers, moles, and prairie dogs build their cities, so do we, its not alway pretty and sometimes harmful but almost all animals will build a nest.  I think we are getting better at looking at the impact on our planet as we go, but survival is very high on every species lists of must do's.

   Anyway, the book was a disappointment this time, but there were still some things in it to give me pause and food for thought.

    Rick has a lovely rich stew bubbling away in the slow cooker.  My mouth is watering.  This time of year must fight that urge to pack on the pounds and get ready for the cold months ahead.   The farmers almanac says it will be a mild winter.  I am all for that.  There guess is as good as any.  I have my outdoor plants in and we have had frost.  I need to pick the last of my green tomatoes for fried green tomatoes and take down my terrible flower garden for the winter.  I just let it go to seed after all the baby bunny washing of earlier this summer.  Lost the joy of it.

     Well take care all, Sorry your weekend is ending.  However cheer yourself with this thought.....I am off tomorrow!  There, now don't ya feel so much better?

    Below is my son and granddaughter, don't they look alike? She is sleepy after the concert.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I think I have my mystery solved.

   Poor Zoey has been scratching and itching up a storm.  There are scabs on her haunches.   I have been looking her over really good.  No fleas.  Giving her benadryl.  Checking all her food.  Then as she was sitting there in the kitchen door I finally got a clue.  I think it is from the disinfectant they use at the vets when she was boarded.  That is why her haunches would be worse and her legs and tummy.  Its the only thing I can think of and it started right after we boarded her there the first time.  She is scheduled to be boarded again when we go to Omaha.

    I am going tomorrow and get her some oatmeal shampoo and then Monday I am going to cancel the appointment at the vets for boarding and bring her to our usual place.  Unless the vet will wash down the kennel with just plain water.  Maybe bringing her blanket will help.  So what do you think.  Sound like that may be whats causing it to you guys?  I can't think of anything else new.  Poor old girl.  I also decided I don't want to know how her biopsy turned out until after we get home.  We are under enough stress right now.

    Talked to MIL today.  She is having a good day and BIL is being VERY attentive.   If she really does only have a few weeks left how can we tell him to go.  And actually she looks pretty good to me right now, but maybe its because I see her everyday.  Now to convince hospice.  Oh., and MIL refuses respite.  She never was good about using common sense.  Stubborn woman.

Another Day older

    Thank you everyone for the wonderful e-cards and birthday wishes.  What a pleasure it was and I am so touched.

        Yesterday was an interesting day.   We stopped and saw my MIL and then hit the road.   For once we were early, by an entire hour!   Rick was there for his pre-op tests, his cat scan and to see the anesthesia dept. 

     We checked in early at the lab since we were there and then we going to look around while we waited, but he got right in.  Nice.  So then we went to the cat scan department 1 hour and 45 minutes early and they got him in early also.  Very nice.  I sat and drank my Starbucks and read while I waited.  He was done with that by noon so we to the Anesthesia dept next and happily got in there an hour early.  No one was upset we were early, everyone was very nice and it just went very smooth.  Next we wandered around finding the motel entrance and cafeteria, but they have a nice deli so I will probably eat there.  The place is beautiful and easy to find your way around.  I know where the coffee is, the restrooms and food, what more could I need.

    Things were tense back home and we decided not to do the Zoo or anything, just stop and eat and come home.  We went to Old Chicago and they gave me a warm chocolate chip cookie with ice cream I shared with Rick when they found out it was my birthday.  Nice.  Closest thing I have had to a birthday cake in years.

   MIL is proud of me for standing up to him.  She thinks I am brave.  I was shaking in my boots.  But she is our main concern.  Shame on him for making this so awful in what hospice thinks are her last 3 weeks.  Shame on him.

    Now all the cards are on the table though.  Rick is staying there this week, we are trying to talk MIL about agreeing to  respite while Rick has his surgery Friday and we are going to get the car away from him somehow.  And I am watching my back.  The social worker suggested we get a one way plane ticket and bring him to the airport.  Rick is going to see if MIL wants that.  I told my MIL she is one strong Dane.

     Well after this last few days my stomach has been in knots and my meditation is not helping much.  I am glad I am working the next 2 nights.    I just can't believe this whole thing.  Sigh.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Happy Birthday to me


            Yup, 53 years old.  Thank you God for giving me one more year to enjoy.  When your family dies as young as my family does each new year is a gift to be cherished.

            We are up and getting ready to go.  I have to get my whip out soon as Rick is bad  about being a half hour late for everything.  We were a half hour late for our wedding! 

   We want to stop and see MIL before we go.  I am so nervous about leaving her today with the things that are going on.  Hospice is coming to talk to BIL today and I worry about the chain reaction that could set off.  I wish we didn't have to be out of town.  But I will trust hospice as they said they will check on her often.

    It is cold so I have to dress warm.  Wish us luck finding the right place to be in this huge place.  Bye all.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Something nice about my BIL

  Just because I do tend to make him a monster.  He is not.

   Yesterday after the fight he took off.  I made supper.  Now I always worked 3 - 11 or 7p - 7a.   I have breakfast down good but must admit to not doing much cooking.  Why should I when Rick is so good at it?

     I told me MIL I was making supper.  She threw me a worried look and asked if she could help in any way.   No, No, sit and relax.  I got it covered.  Frankly it was a prepared meal from HyVee.  How could I go wrong.  Grand biscuits, piece of cake.  She came out and got some tomatoes ready while I heated the meal.

    From the first bite I knew it was a horrible meal.  Here this poor woman who barely eats was being served this terrible meal.  Well.....the biscuits were really good but the rest was terrible.  I know she was thinking of the yummy meal BIL would have made her.  All the men in my family except my youngest son are really good cooks.  All the woman minus my MIL are not very good.  My BIL is back tonight.  And she was looking forward to supper.  After all, it had been a long time since she ate.