Stew tonight

                                               

                           See this is why I do that exercise in the water!

 I woke up today to the smell of stew, yummy.  My husband is making some and it smells wonderful.  I love food cooked in the crock pot.  I slept from 8 to 3 so feel pretty rested.  A nice warm shower and I will feel ready for another long 12 hours at work.  I think I will probably get pulled tonight as the census is low on my floor unless we admit alot today.  I also have to wrap a water jug I sold.

   I have been coughing like a smoker every since water aerobics yesterday.  My ear hurts.  This is so upsetting to me because if you have read this journal very long you know I love my water aerobics and am upset that the chlorine has been bothering me so much lately.  Maybe I will only be able to do it on the warm days when they have the roof open.  I seem to have developed a sensitivity to it.  No exercising today and I won't make it to the gym until Monday.  Tuesday I have a doctors appointment so can't do water aerobics  that day either.  I will do my floor workout and do as suggested.  Arms one day, legs the next.  I know they do that in the boot camp classes but since I am never sure what days I will make it I was afraid I wouldn't get a all around workout if I skip something.  We do have the ball there for ab work.  It has been along time since I have used one.  After I broke my back and had surgery I used one in rehab.  I think I still have my ball stored around here somewhere, so could use it here until I get the hang of it. 

  Man, you want to pack on the pounds if you're prone to it, just break your back and have major surgery and be laid up for a long time.  I really packed on some pounds during that period ( which never left).  I have a tendency to eat when bored and I was bored silly during that period.  I also gained alot after I quit smoking and went into menopause.  I swear  I can read a good recipe and put on 3 pounds.

   Work was just ducky last night.  I had to train someone and was charge so I feel like I shorted both jobs as I was pulled in to many directions.  I prefer to go to work, do my job and go home.  I don't mind orienting the new nurses though as I remember how it was when I started 26 years ago.  You were basically thrown to the wolves back then.  Sink or swim.  It is much better these days and safer.

    I am still blowing it.  I do good and eat my healthy meals and did great at work last night because I was way to busy to eat bad but I had an oatmeal cookie as soon as I woke up with my breakfast.  I know I have said this before and keep putting it off but I need to join a group here where I can weigh in.  The ladies at work who joined WW are doing great but after my SB crash I am afraid to do that.  I still think TOPS or OA might be the way to go and in my income level.  It is shear laziness that has kept me from doing it so far, well I have been really busy with the sale also.  I will look into it Monday.

Work Week

  Tonight I start my long stretch and I am so sore.  I went to water aerobics again today, but after yesterdays workout I was pretty sore.  I thought I might loosen up but I am even stiffer.  One of the machines upstairs you lie down on your stomach and hook your leg under the pad and then lift the weights that way.  It is for your buttock and my buttocks are sore today. Yikes.  Everything is sore but my abdomen.  I don't seem to find anything that really works my abs where my biggest problem is.  There is an ab crunch machine upstairs that I am embarrassed to say I can't get to work even with no weights on it and you don't want to look that wussy in the free weight room with all the hard bodies standing around flexing.  I do have my pride!  Anyway so I start my week with a sore and tired body.

   Last night we watched Red Dawn.  I haven't watched it for years and years but Lars Larson's dad was in it and we wanted to see what he looked like.  Boy that movie, while the acting was poor, really was alot more disturbing these days then it was when it first came out.  When it first came out you didn't believe the USA would ever be invaded.  Now it is a worry.

   We are having pizza tonight.  Not diet wise but I am sick of cooking and just want a quick meal and off to work.  I have to be charge tonight so I hope it is quiet.  A pretty wild storm just rolled through, definitely a spring storm and I hope it is done before work.  If we get a tornado warning we have to bring all the patients out in the halls, lots of work.

Wednesday Morning

 

I knew my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising.

        I decided to start with an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, laid down, got up, gyrated, jumped up and down, pulled up, looked down, and perspired for an hour;But, by the time my leotards were finally on,the class was over.

Yesterday we had a really nice day.  I did 2 hours of water aerobics while my husband worked out.  After a nice salad for lunch we went to the movies and saw The Worlds Fastest Indian.  We had the whole theater to ourselves, felt like rich people.  The movie was excellent and one of those splices of life movies that I really like.  Then for supper we had spagetti with wheat noodles, steamed brussels spouts and another salad with red wine.  Felt like a good day diet wise.  I also had some more vanilla sugar free ice cream which is so good.  I feel fat today though.  I swear even though the scale says I haven't, I feel like I have gained 10 pounds.  My chin feels fatter and my stomach feels fatter.  I FEEL FATTER.  Doesn't it ever stop!  Maybe I really need to feel this fat to stay on course.  If I felt thin and attractive I would feel no need to get my butt off to the gym.

     I want a day to go by when I am not thinking about how to lose weight or how I need to lose weight, or why I can't lose weight.  When I am down to 140 will I have days like that?  When I am down to 140 will I feel like I need to lose more?  I can't imagine what it will be like but from what I have read it is something I will struggle with forever.

   For supper tonight we are having green onion brats.  I eat mine without a bun.  They are one of those foods I have never been able to find a good calorie breakdown for.  They could be 900 calories for all I know.  That does worry me.  We usually have some type of baked steak fires or tator tots and a veggie.  I am hungry for beets so may make them.  I try to have a huge salad with meals like this and count out my alotted tater tots or fries.  My weight seems to be stuck and I am afraid after this long my body is just to used to the calories I take in.  I try to vary my calories from 1200 to 2000 but am not as careful about counting all my calories up like I used to.  I can't seem to get back into the swing of writing it all down again.  But I am feeling stronger in my resolve again.  My meditations have been going well and  I feel centered.  I saw a blue jay at the feeders today and it is starting to look like spring.  If it is warm enough today I may get my bike out.  Most of the snow is gone and the breeze has a slightly warm feel to it.  My trees are budding out.  Spring, spring, spring,  love it.

    I have been having more and more bouts of chest pain lately.  During water aerobics yesterday, at the gym the day before.  Woke me up from a sound sleep the other day.  It is worrisome.  I am thinking I will have to get my nitro refilled, but then I will have to see my doctor to get it and she will insist on expensive tests and I just can't afford it right now.  Just give me the darn medication.  I have started taking my aspirin a day again.  I got out of the habit before surgery when I couldn't take it.  My blood pressure has been wonderful though and I wonder if it is referred pain from my shoulder which is still acting up.  My husband is having more episodes of A-Fib also.  The better we eat the more ours hearts act up.  Are old bodies are fighting this healthy way of life we are living now, lol.

  We had a good workout at the gym today.  I did the treadmill for my usual 1/2 hour but I sped it up to 36 which is pretty fast for me.  I am upset that a couple the weight machines I use alot are still broken.  The ab one which I like so much better then the one up stairs, although the one upstairs probaby does more and the lower back machine.  I feel like I pay pretty good to belong to this gym and the machines being broke for longer then a week ticks me off.  Then I went upstairs and worked out on some of the muscle mens machines and did some free weights.  I have to admit some of the testosterone men up there crack me up.  Slamming down these heavy weights on the floor and pumping there muscles in front of the mirrors.  I realize the mirrors are there so you can make sure you are maintaining proper form but I hate catching a glimpse of my sweaty red face.

Monday Morning

I finally tried hummus. The name sounded so terrible I couldn't get past that but in my quest to eat healthy and have low calorie foods to snack on I broke down and bought some at the organic section of the store. It is wonderful. They should have renamed it. Hummus, mucous, nauseous, they all go together too well. I used them as dip for my veggie chips and it was wonderful

I spent the majority of yesterday taking pictures and listing things in the shop. That is so time consuming. Poor sales this weekend. Every other weekend my sales pick up, must be when people get paid. I am going to get some packages ready to mail and then I want to go to the gym, the post office, the bank and that is about all on my ajenda today.

I am pleased with my weight today. I am down and have been eating pretty good. Last night we had grilled fish, wild rice, brussels spout and sugar free vanilla ice cream as a dessert. The ice cream was delicious. Who would have thought sugar free could be so creamy and tasty! It was made by Breyers. Yummy. I am back to doing it the way I did in the beginning and it is working for me. I got carrot sticks, sf jello and pudding, apples, rice cakes, all the things that keep my snacking demons under control.

You go outside and the spring song birds are singing up a storm. I wish it looked like spring out there. Most of the snow is gone already and it rained all day yesterday.

Well once again I am trying to save my entry and it won't save. I have been having trouble all week getting this to work, darn AOL. I can't get it to exit spell check either. How very irritating.

Lovely Friday

   Today I went and had my hair highlighted.  I almost didn't because this week at work 4 people came up and said they liked the way I had colored my hair.  Weird since I hadn't colored it at all, just had the rest of the highlighting cut out last week.  Anyway I almost decided not to get it done, but then decided I like it better when it is highlighted.  She also fixed it completely different today.  Flipped up in the back and kind of that messy fixed looked that everyone seems to have these days.  It looks OK but I will never be able to fix my hair that way and Rick didn't care for it much.

  Went to the antique show and only spent a dollar on a necklace.  They sure had some beautiful glass, pottery and jewelry.  I hate being so broke but it is probably a good thing as they sure price their things higher then I do.  I would never be able to get those prices.  Tomorrow we are going back and I am bringing a pot to see about getting fixed.  Its a nice Roseville piece but the crack is extensive so it may cost around 100.  I got it for $5.00 so that is OK but if it is really expensive I would never get my money out of it.  It will have to stay in my collection.

   I have eaten terribly today.  No breakfast or lunch, one multigrain rice cake, no water.  Supper is zataran's.  It is so hard to eat well when I am out and about plus forget drinking water if I haven't got ready places to hit the washroom.  I will have to do better tomorrow.  I am up a pound.  Not really suprising but depressing.

   I got this wonderful pictures at the antique show a lady took last year and gave it to us.  It is of my husband and grandson sharing some ice cream.  How sweet of her to take and give it to us this year.  There are some really nice people around.

Yah, I'm off

As long as there is a lack of the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, no matter what external facilities or conditions you have, they will never give you the feeling of joy and happiness that you are seeking. On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality of calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, then even if you lack various external facilities that you would normally consider necessary for happiness, it is still possible to live a happy and joyful life.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

                                             

Finally my long awaited week off it here.  I slept for 3 hours and am now trying to convince my tired body that a couple of hours at the gym is just what the doctor ordered.  Maybe one more cup of coffee will convince me.    

   My eating plan wasn't the best last night.  I just did terrible.  A little of this, a little of that.  I ate my planned meal and then had a sandwich later plus some custard and then some cherrio's.  I think I added up about 1000 calories give or take 20 to 40.  That leaves me only about 500 to 600 for supper.

    This week is going to be quiet.  I am going to see if there is a local tops or over eaters Anonymous that I can join.  Something where I have to go and weigh in and be accountable.  The only bad thing was years ago I was in one and all they did was sit around and talk about how they can't lose weight and then spent the rest of the meeting swapping recipes.  I want motivation on how we can lose weight.  So I might have to surf around to find a group right for me.  It would be nice to find a group about my age also as it really is harder to lose weight at my age then it would have been 30 years ago.

    Well, I am going to get ready to go do the gym thing.

Wednesday

   What a really awful night at work.  One more day and I will be off for my long stretch again.  I hate being charge!  I did do well on my plan yesterday. and last night.  For supper tonight I will have a lean crusine and another salad.  I am not sure what Rick has planned for supper tonight.  Since I only had around 575 calories today so far I have some leeway on what we eat.

   I spend yesterday afternoon shoveling snow and then my husband got stuck in the ditch so we pushed him out.  I am sore today.  Already about 7 inches has melted away and it is a bright sunny day out.  Not that I see much of it.  I slept until 3.  I will go to the gym tomorrow around 2 and then if I make it Friday to water aerobics and saturday again I will have had a good week working out.  I have not weighed in but feel like I might be down.  I am still doing horrible on my water intake.  One glass yesterday.  I got out of the habit of alway have a glass handy to sip on.  It is hard on my working days because I want to sleep without getting up every 2 hours to hit the washroom.

   There is some kind of weird muscle thing going on on my hand.  The skin is all dented in and feels like a charle horse on the side.  Like the muscle is trapped.  I have been using biofreeze and doing my hand exercises.  I think that was from shoveling.  Boy do I have wimpy hands.

Wow, Lots of snow

                                        

   Well we have 12.5" of snow today.  What a drag.  The good things, no class, the bad things, no doctors appointment and I was really looking forward to getting this stitch out.  We have someone in the ditch in front of my house.  My son couldn't make it to work and I am glad I didn't have to work last night.  We will have to do some major shoveling today to get ready to get out.  My floor will be busy with snow shoveling heart attacks.

  The bad news, it's still snowing

Super Great Workout

   I finally made it to the gym and had a great workout.   I did 30 minutes on the treadmill doing the hill settings.  Really worked up a sweat.  Then I did most of my weight machines but decided since my shoulder is feeling better to not do some that I know cause strain there.  After that I walked a mile on the upstairs track and then did some more weight machines up there.  Good workout. I feel good.  I have also been eating on plan and liking it.  Even got my water in.   I am having chicken fajitas for supper and last night I had lean cruisine meatloaf and a large salad.

   We decided to go rent the movie, Walk the Line and the weather was much worse then expected.  Wet slippery snow and even with our all wheel drive we were sliding all over.  There are going to be some wreaks tonight I can tell.  I worry about my son driving 30 miles to work but he justs laughs at me.  A mother can't help but worry.

  Tomorrow I have a long day.  Doctors at 9:45, 3 hour class, 12 hour shift at work and I have to be the charge nurse.  Won't be able to get to the gym until Thursday now.  Drag.  I have plenty of low fat and healthy things to eat but not enough lettuce.  I hope the roads are better before my appointment as it is around 10 miles away also.

   Well, I am off to make supper and get into my slugging clothes for a night in front of the TV to watch the movie.  It is rare for me to sit in front of a tv since we only have it connected to our dvd, no stations. People keep asking me how I can live without TV.  I ask them how they can stand it.  They will have to get rid of the commercials and make the programs less idiotic before I ever get a tv.

A Re-start

                                                        

Finally I feel dedicated to losing the weight again.  I don't know what it was that caused the big mental brick wall to be in front of me but for some reason it is gone again and I ready for the changes I need to do to stay on track.  I feel like I did when I was full of resolve and positive I could lose this weight.  I hear about SAD, seasonal affective disorder from long winters and wonder if it is something simular.  Mine would be TOCC, tired of counting calories. 

   Last night at work I brought a chicken breast cooked the way I like with the chili rubbed on it and in a bed of black beans, corn and salsa.  I also made a large salad and had a couple of multigrain rice cakes.  It was a very slow night at work last night so I did some education programs I needed to get done.  I can't get to the gym until tomorrow and then I won't be able to go on Tuesday because I have a doctors appointment and a 3 hour class before work.  It will be a long day.  They are predicting snow all week which is simply depressing but it won't stay long, the snow from last week is already gone.  So Thursday is the next day I can work out.  I am going to try and work extra, hopefully the weekend for more pay and will try to do at least one day extra a pay period.  I am really anxious to get my bills paid off.

   So I guess I will close and do some floor exercises here before supper.

Feeling better

  Finally I am feeling better.  I wonder if I had a small bowel obstruction.  I have lots of adhesions and that could explain why my stomach hurts so bad.  I also thought it might be my gall bladder.  Whatever it was it seems to have broken during the night and I feel better.  Not great but better.  I didn't make to work last night either.  I just felt to awful so I called in.  I will make it tonight though.

   I have really been struggling with my dieting lately.  I can not seem to get back on track. It seems like every since I changed to SB and then went back to my plan I have been having troubles.  I have had lots of changes lately with my surgery and all and taking on this big consignment, but I don't want to stop loosing weight and I need to get back on track but I have having a hard time getting that same level of mental commitment.  Nothing seems to be helping.  I have been missing the gym, eating off plan though not bad.  Weighing in only once a week.  Things I never would eat, I have been having some of.  I told my husband he has to stop having cookies and candy around for awhile as I seem to have developed a problem with them.  Weird since I never had a candy problem before.  WHATS GOING ON!  Is it the time of year?  I have been depressed at how slow it comes off even when I work my butt off, but it is coming off.  I am still meditating but it isn't focusing me like it used to and the hypnosis tape, while very relaxing isn't strengthening my resolve either.  I guess I will just have to ride this out and keep trying.  

    It may be my stress level has risen to a higher level since my debt level increased.  I knew it would be expensive to have my surgery but the reality of actually getting the bills rolling in has been an eye opener and that fact that it cost about 15,000.00 more then I thought it would.  I had my big belly surgery where I was in surgery 6 hours and in the hospital for 3 days cost less then this surgery.  My insurance covered better also.  Anyway it is all probably somewhat responsible for taking my mind off my goals.  I know I will slowly get my bills paid.  This will all get better, and after all I do feel so much better since the surgery.  It will all work out.

Think about this

Two Choices

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line; There isn't one! Read it anyway. My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-ey ed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Computer problems

  Yesterday my computer screwed up.  It kicked us off everytime we got logged on.  I was sick yesterday so dealing with a tricky computer problem was not my idea of fun.  I called AOL tech support and what a horrible nightmare that was.  I started at 9 am and finally around 2:45 I got a human to talk to.  The computerized voice kept telling me I could go on-line for help, works great if you can get on-line.  They would keep you on hold for 40 minutes with this torturous music playing and then someone would come on and ask what is the problem, you would tell them, they would switch you to another tech support line which would tell tell you everyone was busy and to try back later after you had just spent the last 45 minutes on the phone.  Every once in awhile a computer voice would come on telling you want great tech support AOL had.  Made me want to scream.  I almost dropped AOL after that I tell you.  What a joke, tech support.  Anyway I ended up having to get rid of my virus protection which is where the problem was and getting another.  On top of that I was feeling really crappy and ended up getting sick.  Really makes me mad because I have been off work for 6 days and I get sick the day I am suppose to go back to work.  I still feel crappy today but am hoping I feel better as the day goes by.

    I am down a couple of pounds but it is probably temporary because of being sick. I got the south beach cook book but am sad to see they make alot of things I won't be able to get around here or afford for that matter.  If I keep missing work I won't be able to afford anything.  I was just bragging the other day how everyone at work had been sick and I didn't catch it and then boom, less then 4 hours after I uttered those words I got sick.  That will teach me to keep my mouth shut.  I am eating light today as my stomach is still not right.  I will go to work tonight even if I don't feel better.  I have to have a fairly decent paycheck and start getting these bills paid.  Sometimes the pressure of being the sole bread winner really gets to me.

Funny

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please
allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

  The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the chequebook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and ba thed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.


After supper, he clean ed the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.


.At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."


The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were."

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."



Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year

 

Tuesday at the gym

   Went to the gym today and was starting to get a pretty good workout and then one of the ladies in my water aerobics class wanted to know how to use the machines.  I was showing her when I noticed my husband looked pretty awful and after checking his pulse could tell he was back in uncontrolled artrial fib.  Since he kept feeling like he might pass out I drove us home and he took his medicine and laid down.  So I didn't get to do my whole workout.  I will do water aerobics tomorrow. 

  I got my SB cookbook today so that is wonderful.  Tomorrow I will plan meals for the week I work.  I tried a fresh papaya today.  Not really very thrilling.  I like it in the tropical fruit mix I get but there are so many fruit there isn't much fruit you get to eat.  I had my usual cereal for breakfast and a large salad with tuna for lunch.    I have been feeling like I have gained weight but if I have it isn't showing up yet.  My ankles are swollen though so I must be retaining fluid.  I might have to take a lasix tomorrow.  I hate to as it really keeps me close to home.

   I spent the rest of the day listing things in the store and waiting to see if Rick is going to feel better or if we are going to go to the hospital.  His blood pressure is better but he is still in fib.  Makes me nervous.  Last time he spent the night in the hospital they charged us 9600.00 for a overnight stay!  Yikes.  That time my insurance covered everything but it isn't near that good now.  Now we have so much out of pocket we try to take care of everything at home and only go to the doctors or hospital if we are near death.

Monday

I was doing my hypnoses tape last night.  I really need to get on track.  I swear I can feel my fat cells swelling again.  Yesterday after the auction I was starving from being surrounded by people eating ruben's and loosemeats so when we left I stopped and got a sandwich.  I could have gotten something better for me but I got a philly cheese.  Very fattening.   I did pretty good the rest of the day and had soup for supper and sugar free ice cream for dessert but my lack of exercise is taking its tole.  I am going to the gym today.

Woke up to a white blanket of snow on the ground.  What a sad thing.  It could have been worse of course.  I read about the tornadoes down south.  How terrible.  I am glad we don't get many of them.  

I didn't get anything at the auction.  Everything went very, very, high.  I wouldn't have made any type of profit that way.  I plan of eating good tonight.  I am having chicken cordon bleu tonight which might not be the best choice but will bake it and make a brown rice to go with it with veggies.  I am out of slim fast so will have cereal for breakfast and a salad for lunch.  I am afraid to step on the scale.

 

 

I got this from the kick on the tush club, but have been doing it for awhile because it is part of my meditation tape.  It is easy to do and makes your walk less boring if you're doing it on a treadmill.   Give it a try.

Take a Walk on the Mild Side

Want to meditate but you just can’t stand the thought of sitting?  Try Walking Meditation.  Become aware of your body in motion.

Walking Meditation is an active meditation.  It is your basic slow, run-of-the-mill walk, but with one extra special ingredient - awareness!  You can walk in circles or in a line, ten steps forward, fifteen backwards or twenty to the side, inside the loop or outside the loop.  The only thing you need to do is pay attention as your feet touch the ground.  

Stay mindful of each step – the sensation, the rhythm, the sound. If your mind wanders (and you can bet it will), gently bring your attention back to your feet and the gentle motion of walking.  

Walking Meditation allows you to keep your eyes open.  Rather than withdrawing from the outside world, you are shifting your attention to it. Be one with the wind, the sun, the sounds of nature, as well as the trains, barking dogs, and talking heads.

The benefits of Walking Meditation are:

• Cultivates self-awareness.
• Improves concentration.
• Invigorates a tired soul.
• Relaxes one during stressful times.
• When done for extended periods of time, walking meditation can build strength and stamina.

Weird

   I just realized my post is gone from yesterday.  I could have sworn it listed.  Oh well, not to much exciting to report.  Still struggling along.  I do so good all day and then at night I crash and burn.  I am not sure why.  One problem is we have to many things around lately to munch on that aren't on my plan.  And I eat them.  With my checks being so small, and still not getting my last check, I haven't had the things around I need to stay on plan well.  I did get paid yesterday though so that will help and I am expected the new cookbook today.  I am looking forward to trying some of the recipes.

  I have a stitch coming out under my breast which is bothering me.  I tried to pull it out and just ended up irritating my skin.  If it doesn't come out soon or gets infected I will have to call the doctor as I don't see her until the 21st.   I got this smiley off of the breast reduction board and thought it was funny. Hope it doesn't offend anyone.

  Tomorrow I am going to an auction.  They have alot of things I would love to get.  Hope I can afford some of them.

  Breakfast. Shredded wheat with whey low sugar substitute, no fat milk,  Lunch, left over chicken and noodles.  I was going to have a spinach salad with salmon but ran across this and it has to get eaten up.  Rick made it with low fat everything and wheat noodles.  Dessert was sugar free pudding.  We are having spagetti tonight and I will have a salad then.  Yum.  Should pick up some wine.  I need to go to the gym.  I feel like my shoulder is better from cutting down.

Glorious Day Off

   Finally a day off.  They have already called me and asked me to work tonight but I am not gonna do it.  I need a day off.

   Wonders of wonders I have finally won a south beach quick and easy cookbook.  My eating has been hit and miss all week.  When I work I am too tired to do anything more then eat what Rick makes.  He makes what he wants and it isn't always SB friendly or for that matter, any diet friendly but he is trying.  FF this and FF this, low fat this and that.  Whole wheat noodles.  For someone who doesn't work though he sure doesn't like to spend alot of time in meal planning.  Things have sure changed from when I didn't work 100 years ago for nine months. 

   Right now I am drinking a beer.  Gives me a legitimate excuse for not working tonight and I really think it tastes wonderful right now.  Heck with the calories.  I am making beef fajitas for supper and refried black beans with reduced fat Cheddar cheese. 

   I am getting up early tomorrow and doing water aerobics.  Since I am off I want to see if it was a fluke that I got sick.  I will only do an hour and then work out on the weight machines for an hour.  Should be a good workout.  The weather is wonderful today and if I don't have to help this man start up an ebay business tonight I might get my bike out.

 

Wednesday Weigh in

   I am down 2 pounds today which is the 1 I gained plus one.  I actually am surprised as I haven't been the best at working out this week but I have been taking the steps at work and we are busy so I have been running.  Rick is making chicken and noodles with low fat everything including the buiscuts.  My last night at work and then will be off and I think I am finally going to win a bid on the Quick and easy cookbook I am trying to get.  I have got to get back on track.  Before my meals I have been drinking a large glass of water with metamucil.  Sound gross but there is a reason.  Drink it 45 minutes before meals and your full.  They sell a well named diet drug to do this which does the same thing.  I have so much trouble getting full this is working pretty good for me. 

    I have to mail some packages tomorrow and was hoping to go to the gym, but I promised to help a friend learn how to sell on ebay.  He is going through cancer treatments and is going nuts at home without working.  He has always loved auctions and this may be something he will really like.  I am doing the large consignment sale for them right now and am holding back some nice items for him to sell so he can learn the ropes.  It sounds easy to sell on ebay and basically it is but there is a lot to know to get the best prices and not get spammed.  I love it and would do it full time if I could make a living at it.  It's one of those things though where you have to spend money to make money.

No water aerobics.

  Didn't do water aerobics this morning  as I am nervous now about doing it on a day I work since it made me feel so sick all day.  Also when I woke up I had more sells so I need to pack some glasses and a teapot and send totals to the people who bought them.  Glass take awhile to pack so I plan on just going to the gym this afternoon.  I have to mail the glasses I packed yesterday since I got the payment for them.  Sales have been brisk and are cutting into my exercise time.  This is good because the bills from my surgery are pouring in and most of the money I make will go to paying them.  Drag.  Everytime I make a bunch of money I have to spend it instead of save it.
 

   My shoulder is still bother me alot today.  I am going to be looking for a new doctor as it turns out my old doctor is no longer in my network and that is why it costs so much to go and see her.  I have enough medical problems I need to be able to go to the doctor if I have to.  I want to get a male doctor this time as Rick should get his prostate checked and would never do it because he though our doctor was too beautiful.

   Well,  I am having shredded wheat and all grain english muffin for breakfast and a slim fast for lunch.

  Supper is goingt to be a slice of pizza and a large spinach salad.  Not the best but I am hungry for one.  I didn't make it to the gym, to much going on and I am just having a bad arthritis day.  My hips hurts, my shoulder hurts, my back hurts, whaa whaa whaa,  what can I say.  I shoulder has this weird crunching sound so I am sure it is arthritis.  I couldn't get my doctor to inject it so it continues to hurts. All the lifting is getting to me.   I have to get back to the gym though.  I miss it and now will work for the next 2 days.  Maybe I do need to rest my shoulder though. I wonder sometimes if the gym is why I am having shoulder pain and hip pain which I didn't have before.  I hope I am not doing more damage then good.

A Day OFF

  Finally a day off.  I am so sore and it really hit home it had only been 7 weeks since my surgery.  I had to ice my breasts last night as they were swollen and sore.  We were so busy all weekend.  Lots of patients and pneumonia is going strong.  I work tomorrow again so had better rest up good tonight.  I have to pack some packages and bring them to the post office and I will soak in a tub tonight.

   Eating was good at work Friday and Saturday but not so good last night.  Big bag of candy to tempt me.  Hopefully as much as we were running I ran off the calories.  I haven't been to the gym since Wed.  I won't make it today so will do water aerobics tomorrow.

Wonderful Saturday

 As a tree with strong uninjured roots, though cut down, grows up again, so, when deep craving is not rooted out, suffering arises again and again.

-Dhammapada

 This is my 3rd day at work tonight and it is going well.  I am eating on plan and right now Rick has a pot of chili cooking on the stove that smells heavenly!  I woke up HUNGRY.   I decide to check the email and see if I had anymore sells, I did, and update this.  Then I am going to listen to the hypnoses tape.  For anyone wondering if these work I will let you know.  I am having an easier time again staying on my plan but who knows if the tape has anything to do with it.  It is so much like meditation that I like sitting there and listening to them.  They help me stay focused and maybe that is what it is designed to do.  Anyway I probably won't know for sure.

   The weather is cool again but spring is around the corner.  I am excited and starting to get that itch to plant things.  I might put in a garden this year.  I used to always have a huge garden but got mad that I was the only one weeding and picking the stuff and preparing it.  Everyone liked it but not the effort it took to get all those lovely veggies.  I sound like the little red hen.  Anyway, I miss the good organic veggies.  I miss my chickens and fresh eggs also.  Maybe I have let my life get to simple.

    I am not going to weight in until Wed.  I think it will be a good weigh in though.  Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.  I sure was hoping to get tonight off so I could go to this auction tomorrow but I haven't any extra money to spend anyway.  Sigh.

Friday

    Well I have been running my booty off all week, but have had lots of sells and money in the bank.  Nice feeling.

   I am back firmly on plan.  I have lost the weight I gained and am feeling very strong about my reserve again.  I bought a self hypnosis, meditation weight loss tape.  It is suppose to help you stay on any weight loss plan and focuses on feeling good and getting the best gift possible for youself.  Good health.  It reminds me of some of the meditations I do so we will see.  I don't know if I have been hypnotised, but I do feel completely on track and the 3 pound  lost proves it.  Everyone is on a diet at work so no temptations there which is nice. 

   Onward to the next 10 pounds.  My charm bracelet is full so I will need to get an extension that turns one bracelet into 2.  One will be strickly weight loss and the other fun stuff.

  I didn't go to water aerobics yesterday.  I was afraid it would make me sick again and I have a 4 day stretch this weekend.  I will go tuesday and see how it goes.  Maybe just one hour.  I did take the stairs all day at work last night.

Bad head day

I woke up around 5:45 with a splitting headache. Reminds me of a hangover headache as it hurts to even move my head. Since I haven't had anything to drink for quite awhile I know it isn't that and I have to wonder again about the water in the pool. Another thing is one of our telemetry techs came to work the other day and by the end of her shift was admitted with the influenza A. I had my flu shot so hopefully that is not it.

I just had an whole wheat english muffin with natural peanut butter for breakfast. I couldn't eat anything else. Oh and a couple of tylenol which is helping partly. I was able to finish packing my plates and I should be able to take a couple of more soon. I am going to make some type of chicken today. Something easy. I have some SF jello in the fridge so maybe for lunch I will have some lental soup and jello. I hate headaches and I am way to busy to have one right now. I wanted to check into some of the support groups I mentioned earlier.

I saw the geese flying overhead. What a nice sight. I saw a robin the other day so soon it will be nicer weather. I can't wait to get my bike out.