Thursday, May 31, 2007

Poor Zoey

                                         Here is my nephew comforting Zoey after her surgery.  I think she looks like she has been crying.  Her poor head looks so sore.  We are absolutely done getting pieces cut out of her.  Poor baby.  They are still not sure about the lump in her mouth so we are calling her cured.  The one on her head was just a cyst.  They think they got it all on her leg.  Now we will just spoil her and let her recover.  The stitches come out in 2 weeks and then she can just have fun and forget the whole thing.

          My Nephew is a sweet young man.  Thank goodness.  He thinks Zoey is beautiful even with all her shaved area's and scars.  So do I.

Zoey couldn't believe it

     When we dropped her off at the vets this morning and left her.  She keep looking back at us as they led her down the hall, tail between her legs, her eyes begging us to let her come with us.   She just could believe she was in for a repeat of 2 weeks ago.  Hopefully this time it will be a lot less painful.  They will remove one more lump from the top of her head and take out all her stitches.  We can't pick her up until 2.  Then we talk to the Vet and see what  exactly it is she has.  I think it will have to be a long time before we bring her back to the vets, lol.  She may never forgive us.  Plus she is down 6 pounds.  We have been really doing well at not over feeding her and with the surgery she cut down herself.  I want her to live a long long time.

      Last night of work.  Now I am off until next Thursday.  My BIL's son came last night.  I am looking forward to seeing him.  Hope he is well mannered and fun.  I do like kids but can't tolerate spoiled mouthy ones.  From when we have talked to him on the phone he always seems really sweet.

     My MIL is having a lot of trouble breathing since yesterday.   The hospice nurse thinks the cancer may have either spread to her lungs or be compromising her lungs.  We will be over there most of the time except we have to drive my hubby's Uncles classic Chevy to his new lake house for him one day.  They just don't make cars like that anymore.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

This and that.

   Things that stand out for me.   OK.  I had almost convinced myself that I could drag up the courage to fly and go see my sister in Hawaii.  I really miss her and would love to see the place.  Then they have the headline from yesterday.  Passenger with extreme drug resistant TB possibly infects 2 plane loads of passenger.  Yikes.  I know about those drug resistant illnesses.  I don't want that.  Now the chances of that happening again have to be pretty darn rare right?  Maybe with the TB but there are alot of drug resistant diseases these days.  I don't want any of them.  And don't you all share the same exhaled air in planes?  Filtered but the same?

    Another thing from the news.  Cindy Sheehan.   I felt so sorry about her son.  Didn't like how she came across so un American.  But did feel sorry for her the way the media and far left used and abused her for their own agenda.  They took a grieving mother and used her for their own political gain and against their hatred for Bush.  The media and politicians didn't care one little bit about what she lost in this whole thing.  I hope she goes and can rebuild her life.  Her son gave the ultimate sacrifice.  Still don't agree with the way she handled it,  but can feel her pain.

   Why do people kill each other because one man in power wants another man in power to bow down to him?  And to me that is what wars have always been.  A political game with the powerful using us as their pawns.  Every country, every war, have any really been fought for any other reason but one mans quest for power?  Oh they make it look noble, they say it is for us, but what does anyone of us pawns gain but someone else in power?  If the American people said no, if the Iranian people said no, if the German's had said no, if the Japanese had said no..etc...etc...etc....would there have been any wars.  Just said, oh no thanks, I have nothing against those people.  Think I will stay home and continue to plant my fields and raise my family and just get along day to day.........Wouldn't it be so nice if it was that easy.  Because if we all did say no do you really think those in power would get out on the battle fields and fight?  And wouldn't that be awfully funny.  A light slap her, a return slap there, 5 hours of talk and then another tap.

   And then last but not least.  Boulder Colo.  had an assembly for their high school students at one of the schools. I listened to it on the radio today. The people told them all how drug use was just fine, casual drug use, pot hash etc.  and sex was A OK between men and women, women and women, men and men, boys and men, little girls and men!  And masturbate children, masturbate.

   The school allowed it!  Their parents allowed it. Children now a days have no chance.  Look at what's teaching them.  I am sorry but I am not raising my children that way.  Sexual transmitted disease is way up among teens,  its not just about unwanted pregnancies.  What about self worth.  What about becoming a productive self respecting member of society.  What is happening to the morals in this country.  If that had happened here I would be suing the school.  I would be screaming at the teachers.  If I want my children to learn about those types of things I will teach them myself.  I will teach them the pro AND the cons.  I will be a responsible adult.  My kids told me the only 2 things they listened to me about where sex and drugs.  I know people who buy their kids condom and birth control.  I don't want to be a grandmother, they say.  I taught my kids that abstinence was the safest way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.  The surest way not to get a sexually transmitted disease.  The best way to show you respected the woman you were dating.  I also told them about birth control and I told them about drugs.  I have lots of experience from working at the hospital with the dark side of casual sex and drugs.  I didn't want that for my children.  I don't want that for any children.  I told my children to look at the best side and the worst side when they make choices and see if the best out ways the worse.  They didn't always listen to me of course but at least they knew where I stood and why I believed what I did.

    But them I am also the woman who told my son's and all their male friends that they needed to do monthly testicular checks just like women have to do monthly breast exams and to see a doctor right away if they feel a lump.

    Now as usual these are my thoughts, my views and my journal.  Your allowed to feel any way you want.  This is how I feel.

    Well as you can see I am having a rambling day.  My mind does this sometimes.  Thinks of other abstracts instead of my own.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


      I just love the double petunia's.
     Just got back from my MIL's.  Last week she weighed 125, this week 122.5.  Last month she weighed 145. Oct she weighed 165.  Also this morning she started to have pain in her back.   Hospice is getting her a different bed since the one she is on is so uncomfortable.  Her pastor came and gave her communion and some prayers.  Also of concern is she doesn't remember some of the people that came to visit.  Doesn't remember them even being here.  Doesn't remember people in old pictures.  Just really getting bad after having a good couple of weeks.  She is funny though.  Her paster had hip surgery and had trouble getting out of the chair.  My MIL stood up to help him.  I said, God no, we will have you both on the floor and helped him,  good for a chuckle or two. 

     She told me if the worse happened and Zoey is really bad she will take care of her until we get there.  Nice thought.

    We drop Zoey off Thursday morning again and will leave her to have the lump on her head removed and then pick her up in the afternoon with 2 new stitches give or take and minus 24.

    Well, it is pouring rain here and lightening so I am going to shut the puter down.  Have a great night all.

Back to work

        Well I took a pain pill before bed last night as my leg was throbbing and slept like a queen.   Which is good as I have lots to do today.  I have a few things to get listed today and I have a few things to mail.  Much to my dismay I am feeling tight in my chest already this morning.  Checked the weather and the humidity level is way up.  Maybe that is why my asthma is acting up?  My chest feels achy and sore like it does after I have a bad attack.  Its like trying to breath with your chest encased in cement.  I just can't get the air in and more I struggle, the worse it gets.  Rick keeps telling me not to get dependent on my inhaler but hey,  guess what?  I am dependent on it.....for a deep breath,  for air air air.  Gosh.  And check out my bruise from the IV.

    I know stress can bring on attacks.  Now yesterday I wasn't feeling stressed that I know of.  I had a really good meditation set,  my MIL is feeling fair.  I was off work and got to talk to my sister in Hawaii.  I was working on the pretty flower pictures minding my own business when I started have trouble breathing.  My calf as been hurting since last week and to top it off I got a charlie horse in it the other day so it was pretty sore and I was taking it easy on it.  It really was without any warning when this attack came on.  I wasn't using any bleach, cleaning out my tub, nothing.  So I don't know.  I have 2 ways I handle stress, deal with it head on or tuck in way back in a corner of my mind so I don't have to think about it all the time.  Maybe it wasn't as tucked back as I thought.

   Thursday Zoey gets her sutures out.  We are more then ready for that as every time we pet her we hit one accidentally.  They will take out the lump on here head at that time and tell us the final report.  I can get some more of my questions answered then that I couldn't think of to ask him at the time.  Like how serious is this cancer.  I know that sounds dumb but maybe it is one that grows really really slow or not at all once they remove it.  I can hope, right!

   My BIL is still doing his thing.  He has completely gone through my MIL's house.  Every closet, every drawer.  He is driving her car all over.  I told her to make sure he is insured.  But he is cooking meals for her and planting her flowers.  He is messy which drives her nuts.  I am just trying to get along so my MIL isn't stressing about it.  I don't want her in the middle.

   Well, enough of putting off work.  Time to get my pictures fixed and listed.  Take care all.
   May your tires always be round and full and your muscles strong like steel.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Asthma attack

   Well it turned out to be an asthma attack.  My calf has been hurting since last thursday and that is just a strain, just a coincidence it was hurting at the same time. 

   Gee, I have never had an asthma attack when I wasn't working out or cleaning using bleach.  Bummer.  I sure hope they don't start coming more often. 

   By the time Rick got home to pick me up I was pretty miserable, but the ac in the van helped and I took my asthma med.   Of course I had to have this happen on a holiday.  Urgent care was closed and I had to go to outpatients.  Everyone in town was there I think.  Then they gave me a blood thinner and when they took my IV out it bled all over my shirt and pants.  I was going to stop at the store on the way home and decided that would look weird.  So here I am, breathing better after a treatment and in time for Rick to BBQ supper.  Thanks all for the well wishes.  Crossing your fingers worked!

Wish me luck

 I am on my way to urgent care.  I have been having pain in my calf and now am having some shortness of breath.  Lets just hope it is a sprained muscle and an asthma attack and not a blood clot.  I haven't had the best of luck lately.


View this slideshow created at One True Media
My Slideshow 5/28/07

     Turn your sound up.  I think the pictures turned out pretty good at this site.  These are some double petunia's from my planters along with some other flowers I planted.

Memorial Day


         In memory of our brave men and woman who have fought and died so we could be free.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Baby Eagles

   I checked on the baby eagles this morning and was thrilled to see them taking their first trial flights from the branches to the nest and back to the branches.  Practicing beating their wings they look ready to take off at any second.  Once they fly from the nest will they come back to it or will it sit there empty?

   Well, off to ride.


           I just got off work and had a pretty good weekend.  I am off now until Tuesday because of the holiday.  Zoey is ripping around like a nut with her tail tucked between her legs doing this happy nut and run crazy routine she does every once in awhile.  We are trying to stop her from popping a stitch,but she is grinning madly with this wild happy glee in her eyes.  She wants her breakfast and she is going to act like a nut until she gets fed.

           That is what is nice about being a dog or animal.  Zoey doesn't realize she has cancer.  None of the fears about the future and what it may hold are clouding her brain.  She is feeling better this week, her incisions aren't hurting her, she had a great long walk and a mad dash through tall wet grass to make her happy and Rick is making her a yummy breakfast.  Life is good.

           I have convinced myself they got all the cancer when they removed the tumors and she is cured.  She is too happy, too shiny, too loved to have anything seriously wrong.  I filter her water, I feed a great food, we have always taken care of her.  She was poisoned a few years ago and we almost lost her, but for the most part she is the picture of health.  I will keep thinking that.   Thursday we see the vet.  By then we should have the final report on her mouth cancer.  I want to write it all down so I can look it up.  I can't remember a thing he told me when he called.  I just went into shock I think.  Then I will look up clinical trials, and see if they have anything if he thinks it is bad.  But I think she will be fine.......please, please, please, let her be fine.

       Today I am sleeping until 1 or so and hopefully going on a bike ride.  Should be a good day for it.  Hope everyone has a great weekend and holiday.  Be safe.  We have already had our share of accidents.

    Keep an eye on the baby eagles.  They should be flying anytime.   They look so much bigger then they did when I first started watching.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Just one happy thing after another

    It is hard to tell from the pictures but the entire woods are full of these purple flowers and the heavenly smell is heavy in the air.  Perfect for sitting outside and you can see them all over.  I love this time of the year with all the flower smells.

   I was getting ready for work yesterday and a friend of my son's came over.  Zoey acted like a nut barking and leaping around  until she saw who it was and somehow managed to give herself a large hematoma on one of her incisions.  I held pressure to keep it from getting bigger and called the vet but they didn't call back by the time I have to go to work, they called like 5 minutes after we left but it didn't get any bigger.  So now she has this chicken egg size lump under one of her incisions.  I sure hope it doesn't break open.  What a mess.  A hematoma is a blood filled lump by the way. 

   Had a good night at work last night until this morning when I my patient coded but they survived and the overtime is a good thing.  I slept well and am getting ready for the shower.

   Well the vet just called.  The lump on Zoey's leg was cancer and they think the one in her mouth was a cancer but they are double checking the results.  So I am sitting her in shock right now.  I never expected the one on her leg to be cancer, we all thought it was a skin tag.  The one in her mouth she only had about 3 weeks before it was removed so hopefully we caught it soon enough.  Oh man, I am trying not to cry here.  They think the type of cancer it was on her leg that surgery should be enough treatment, especially since her lab looked so good.  She has a small lump on her forehead he now is going to remove since we got these results when she goes for her suture removal.  I have to go. I am stunned and can't see to write.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

My Lazy week is over

      Ebony my MIL's cat looking regal.  We are trying to get her and my dog to not kill each other since she will probably be coming here to live some day.  So far it is not going well.  Anyone want a really sweet fat cat?

    Back to work tonight.  It has been a good week off even if I didn't get much accomplished.  I did rest up and think I keep up with the dust.  Yesterday I planted all my tomatoes and finished my flowers.  They all look great and if they live I will have tomatoes coming out my ear.

   This morning I spend emailing and calling all our elected officials to give them my 2 cents on their illegal alien amnesty bill.  2 thumbs down here.

   A couple of years ago one of our nurses became a citizen.  We had a big party for here and made her a Cake shaped and decorated like a flag.  We had a t-shirt made saying Proud American Citizen and she got some flag pins.  She was and is proud to be a citizen of our country, and now her country.  Her children are legally here and doing well.  It took her many years and to see this bill really makes her angry.  As it does anyone who spent years doing it the legal way.  But she says.  By doing it legal I have the full support of my country.  I don't have to worry about using my legal name, sending my children to college, each knock on the door.  And doing it right was worth it.  She will earn retirement benefits and get all the benefits every American citizen gets.  I am proud of her.

  Thanks to my grandparents for coming from Germany on my Moms side and Sweden from my Fathers side I can have all the freedoms of this country because they did it legally.  I am accountable to all the laws.  I pledge to this flag and no other.  I am American first.

   So anyway enough of that.   My MIL and I had a nice talk yesterday.  She says my BIL isn't planning on staying.  We both admit to being worried about the way he looks.  I do feel bad for him.  I have an addiction to food which I have trouble controlling.  Drink is the same way.  Who knows at the time what your decisions will mean to you in the future.  I realize he is rightfully fearful of what his future will be like.  It is sad.  I have never been down and out.

  But, I come from strong women stock.  When my Mom fled my dad with just the clothes on our back she clawed tooth and nail to get a good job and better herself with night classes to make a living for us.  When I have a crisis I panic briefly and then  buckle down to fix it.  I have been sole support for the  last 13 years.  Everything I have I worked for and earned.  So I am not as sympathetic maybe as I should be.  Not everyone can fix their mistakes or live with them.  I should be a little more empathetic about my BIL because he truly is at the bottom.  Hopefully he can claw his way up at least enough to survive.

   Be happy all.
P.S.  I am swallowing my fear and calling the vet today to see if they got the biopsy results.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


          Last night my dog Zoey started choking on a treat.  Coughing and gagging for 40 minutes.  I called the vet who reassured me by telling me things I should have known.  She is able to get air in as she is breathing and to just keep an eye to make sure it doesn't dislodge and really choke her.  Scared me to death!  We should be finding out any day what the path report showed.  I wonder if they will call us or I'll have to call?  Nice being a dog as she has no worried about waiting to find out what the biopsy showed.  She is feeling so much better and on our walk yesterday she was tearing through the tall grass just like a puppy.  Her fur is starting to come back pretty good.

   It rained again today so no bike ride as it is suppose to rain off and on all day.  Sigh.  My hit the flea markets today.  I also haven't got my tomatoes planted and want to go pick some out.  My last day off, what to be productive.   And check on my MIL of course.  Busy busy.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


   My BIL has supposedly stopped drinking.  Hubby's relative left some wine and beer over at my MIL and we went to get it so there was no temptation, the wine was gone.  He was so bad when my FIL was sick.  I am sick about this.

Hello Everyone

  Well I have been messing around with the AOL pictures and trying to see how to mix them around.  These are just some old pictures I had around from our vacations and my favorite fishing spot.  Not sure how I like the pictures this way as you lose alot of the detail and they look fuzzy.  I did see someone do some flowers though that looked great so I am going out when the wind dies down to get some shots.

  We are having gale force winds outside today.  All night long things hitting the windows and one big old tree fell in the back woods and crashed down.  Made for a fitful nights rest.

  All of the visiting relatives are gone now and it should quiet down for awhile.  My MIL needs a rest though mentally the stimulation has been good for her.  I was upset to see she is still missing meals.  Now she just sits and waits for my BIL to get her something.  I told her she was getting up and getting her drinks and meals before he came and not to miss anymore meals waiting for him.  She is still able to open a boost or heat some soup, make a sandwich.  Its just alarming how fast the weight is dropping off.

   Maybe I am in a bit of denial though.  I remember when my FIL was dying my MIL nagged him non stop about eating and he didn't want to.  I finally told her to just stop nagging him and let him eat what and when he wanted to.  Maybe I should be following my own advice.  It just seems to be going so fast.  But I think she would have to be eating non stop to keep enough calories in her to stay ahead of what the cancer is burning. If only I could burn calories that fast and without exercising.  Without having cancer also.

  She is still in very little pain.  Some cramping which I think is from starvation, your body will act that way but otherwise no pain, just tired.  That is good.
   I have been pretty much trying to avoid my BIL.  He keeps popping up here and using my computer, but I told him my mornings I am off I do my work in the shop so at least I have my mornings to myself.  My hubby gave him one of my BIL's bonds we have been keeping for him and told him to cash it so he had his own money and wouldn't need mom's especially when his son comes next week. 

   I think my BIL was planning on his son coming here alot and playing with my son's game systems or my computer.  We told him we both will be sleeping all day and my son doesn't let anyone use his games without him being here.  It was fine when we were off but I need my sleep.  I am laying down some guidelines right away since he plans on staying here.  His son is a pretty good kid though and I am looking forward to seeing him.  Haven't seen my nephew since he was 3.  He is 12 now.

   I have my computer all set up and working good again.  I am using a free AVG virus program and zone alarm.  Not opening any attachments and I am scanning each email.  Hopefully I will never get another virus but they say nowadays its not if you get one, but what to do when you get it.  Sad.

   Take care everyone and enjoy the moments.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Back to working on my shop

   Well,  I had taken some days off working in my shop or anything while my son was here and now it is time to get back to work.  So last night I did some listing and will spend this morning listing more.  Can't make money if I don't list thing to sale.

   The weather is cloudy here, we are hoping for a bike ride later so it might be nice and cool and a good day to ride.  They have replaced all the art sculptures downtown and we might ride down there so I can get some pictures and do another entry in my bike journal.  I did put an entry in the other day of our ride if you want to read it.

   We also are going over to my MIL this morning.  The hospice nurse is coming and I want to talk to her about my MIL weight loss and see if she has any idea's how to slow it down.

   Just want to clarify.  My MIL is happy my BIL is here.  She worries about him so I am happy she is happy.  I think she trusts him but she has said many times she is tired of giving him money all the time.  But she is happy he came for a visit.  She doesn't really want him to stay here though.  She thinks he should stay where he was so he is close to his son.  Now you know I would be pleased with that, LOL.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


  My husband and I have talked and he is going to get her credit card and just keep it here.  I just don't trust BIL.  Don't trust the way he is looking after her either.  Even my son said he was worried and asked us to get back in the picture.  We have been, but we stayed away awhile to let them have their visit.  Well, she is missing meds, missing her drinks, he took her out and to the bank!  She isn't walking much at all now and hasn't wanted to leave the house for awhile.  When BIL's son gets here who will be paying for his entertainment?  My MIL. 

   I was so hoping this was going to be stress free.  I want my MIL's last days to be soft and warm and comfortable.  Not worrying about BIL.  My FIL spent his last days worrying about him and now my MIL, but the difference is my MIL is confused alot these days and he is taking advantage of her.

   I do not know if he is still on drugs.  I don't think he is drinking as he made no attempt to hide it last time and I don't think he would this time either.  He looks like he has some serious meth teeth going on, but not some of the other signs I see with heavy meth users.  Nice thing about being a nurse.  I can usually spot a user a mile a way.  He doesn't look at all healthy though and I wonder if he has something.

    My husband is going to get BIL out of the house while I talk to my MIL.  I want to ask her if she has any concerns.  I know BIL has been going though her closets and acting like he owns the house and she is the unwelcome guest.  Ticks me off.  He even moved into her bedroom!  The hospice nurse has voiced her concerns to me.  I am counting her meds.  She isn't on pain meds yet but does get sleeping pills.  I am sick we are having to go through this.  It just isn't fair to my MIL.  Plus BIL has put a stop to her giving her things away to relatives she wants to have them.  It is her stuff to give away.  ARRRGGGHHH.

   Thank you all for your support.  I feel like a real witch sometimes always telling my hubby what a creep is brother is.  Thank goodness he isn't like him.  Unfortunately my hubby doesn't handle confrontation well.   He doesn't like to deal with it.  But it doesn't go away just because you ignore it.  I told him we have to face this and right now for his mothers sake.  If it means packing BIL up and kicking him out I will do it to make her last days better.  I haven't been a nurse for 28 years and not learned out to take care of this type of loser.  And I am not afraid to speak my mind anymore.  When I promised my FIL I would take care of my MIL I meant it.  And he did mean protect her from my BIL.  He knew all too well his son's short comings.  You still love your kids, but you have to stop helping them keep on a destructive path.  If you keep supporting them they will have no reason to change.
  Now the people in the pictures before.  They were my 2 sons and a friend of my sons that is racing with.  My hubby of course.  My youngest son is going to be in a 3 day mountain bike relay race.  They have been training all winter.  I worry about it because the area is pretty rough in places and people have gotten seriously hurt before.  My son hasn't told me if any ever died.  He is a good rider though and I hope will be fine.  His friend however doesn't do that type of riding often.  I worry about him.  Such a nice kid.  I am hoping it is when I am off as I would like to see some of it.

  Well, I am going to work on my closet doors sanding them and getting them ready for stain and then going to my MIL.  Have a great day all.

Sad Sunday

  Well my son just left.  It is 4:47 in the morning.  So sad.  I miss him already.  We had a wonderful visit.  Friday we all got to take our bike ride.  Wow, taking the winter off really makes it difficult to ride like you did the summer before, LOL.  The 9 miles seemed like 20.  It was really windy but beautiful out.

 Yesterday we spent at my MIL.

  She has lost another 7 pounds in only 2 weeks.  She is eating more but it is not sticking.  She has a vagueness that is disturbing.  My FIL got that way toward the end.  An inward looking.  When she said goodbye to my son they were both crying as they both knew it was the last time they would see each other.  Their pain was difficult to witness.

   My grandson turned out to have strep throat.  They put him on some antibiotics and he is better.  Kids bounce back so quick.  They are so happy their daddy is coming home.

   I haven't had any more fights with the BIL.  I took pictures of him yesterday with my sons.  In the picture it really shows how down and out he has gotten.  His teeth are blackened at the gums and his complexion is sallow.  He looks like a homeless person that you have cleaned up. I would be scared to meet him in a dark alley. He looks terminally ill.  He still talks the same and acts the same but he looks terrible.  It is really sad as he was such a handsome young man.  All the women loved him, at least until they got to know what a user he was.

   He took my MIL's credit card and charged a flight for his son to come visit.  Gee, it never occurred to me to have my MIL fly my grandchildren here!  He has also been using the card to keep gas in her, his, car.   I told him I was going to the bank and I would get him one of his bonds if he wanted to cash one of his in so he would have his own cash.  He declined.  I have plenty so far he said, yah, my MIL's entire bank account.

   He made supper yesterday.  I watched closely the way he treated his mother.  I don't like the way he just dismisses her in her own home.  She looks exhausted.  I asked her privately if she was OK and she said yes,but she looks sad.  I told Rick we will have to start going over there more again.  We stepped back and let them have their time together but I need to make sure he is treating her good.  She is still missing her meds sometimes and with him there to remind her I thought that would stop.  Plus I told him to try and get her to drink 3 boosts a day and find out she has been averaging one a day.  Is he trying to hurry it along or just cares so little about anyone but him he doesn't care.

   As long as I am witching about him he also has been coming over here and spending hours on my computer.  That will stop now that my son is gone.  I have to get back to work.

   Gee, what a pitiful entry this is.  Bet ya just love reading these, LOL.  I used to be so fun loving and talking about my weight loss and exercise.  I will get back there again.  I sit in the back yard and meditate smelling the wild purple flowers in the woods that are so abundant this year.  The smell is heavenly.

 I meditate and get my head on straight.  I need to be focuses to make sure my MIL is really OK.  I am more then worried about her.  He is treating her like a visitor in her own home.

  Zoey is getting better as only a healthy dog can do.  Trying to keep her from being too active.  She is so good and not bothering any of her stitches.  The pain med is helping and she isn't whining like she hurts anymore.  Her fur is already growing back.

  Well, time to leave.  Below is a picture of a wild rose.  Iowa's state flower.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Well guess who got in a fight with her BIL

  I tried, I really did.  But within 20 minutes we were fighting.

  We were going to have my MIL's house deeded over to our name.  Her lawyer advised against it stating we would have to pay inheritance taxes.  My MIL didn't really want to do it as she as always thought that was a terrible way to get out of paying for your nursing home.  We had tried to talk her into it years ago, but she said her house was suppose to be payment if she ever had to go into a nursing home.  It was all she had to help with the payments and she didn't want the government to have to pay her way.  Its her house and I could see what she meant.  So we didn't do it.  That means the house will go into the estate and be divided equally per her wishes.

   Well my BIL is freaking out because he is trying to get on permanent disability and having this house be partly his will affect that especially when it sells and also he owes back child support.  My MIL always sent him money to his roommate so he didn't have a paper trail of getting any money.  So he wants us to go ahead with getting the deed changed even if Betty is against it.  He will be able to talk her into.  I don't want to now because I am concerned about the taxes.  How will we get Bobs half if he takes the money and splits.  He got very defensive and surprise, surprise, I blew up.  All he is concerned with is getting the money and not having to have it in his name.  Of course I told him paying child support was an honorable thing and he should be happy he was coming into money so he could contribute to his sons well being.  Well....THAT didn't go over very well, LOL.

    So anyway, after fighting for 25 minutes and ruining my evening I went to bed and took my sore puppy with me.  And I was ticked at myhubby who just sat there.  I feel since he agreed to be her administrator that means he has to follow her wishes.  Nobody ever stands up to the BIL because he can get so obnoxious.  Well I do.  I told my MIL we having an argument and that the Swedes were ahead which she got a chuckle over.  She is pure Danish and it is a joke between us.

   So now the cards are on the table.  My BIL has no doubts about how I feel and knows that we know he has been mooching off her for years.  This might get fun.  He also wants to change the funeral after Betty has changed it.  She paid for it right away so any changes will have to come out of his pocket.  She isn't dumb, LOL.

  Zoey woke me up last night around 3:30 softly crying under her breath.  I gave her a pain pill and some water.  Poor baby.  She is so sore.  Right now she is lying at my feet.  I hope the pain gets better soon.  Well, time to go.  Take care all.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Graphic pics.

   Don't look if incisions bother you.  My poor baby.
   Usually when we get to the vet she runs in and jumps on the scale, gets weighed and when the tech comes for her trots in the back.  No problems.  Today.....she digs her paws into the ground and pleads with us with these super pathetic eyes not to let them them take her,  whining....Oh god it was so sad I almost grabbed her and ran.  How did she know?

  She is back with 6 new incision.  The one in her mouth and on her front they sent into to get biopsied.  Those were the ones he was worried about.  We find out in 5 to 6 days if she has cancer.  She looks so shiny and pretty and acts so healthy I can't believe it is.  Please pray.  They also cleaned her teeth.  What a sweet smelling mouth she has now.  In 2 weeks they take the stitches out.

  My BIL is coming over to ruin my day off today.  Sigh.  He wants to fly his son back for a visit.  Guess who will pay for that?

   My grandson is at the hospital with a 104.7 temp tonight.  We are waiting for word.  My son is beside himself.  Soon as he leaves of course his son gets really sick.  Same old fun at our house.

  Well, take care all.  I am slowly making the journals.  Joy and peace to all. 

    My sons after the bike ride today, it about killed me.  I have gotten in rotten shape.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Zoey's surgery is tomorrow.

            My beautiful Grandchildren.  Wish I had them in my arms right now!
    Work was very busy last night.  Very ill patients so the night just flew.  One more to go and them some time off.  I will be grateful as my back is out right now and I really need to rest it.

    My BIL is coming over to eat tonight.  I am glad I will only be here a short time.  I am not sure why I let him get to me but he does.  I should just let the past be behind us and wait to see if he comes across for Betty.  He is in a bad spot right now and who am I to judge how he handles stress.  I am not handling stress as good as I used to.   I just don't feel like I can trust him.  Plus he has been in lots of therapy over the years for his drinking and drunks and just all his emotional problems.  Every time he is here he tried that phyco-babble on me.  Well why DO you think you reacted that way Sis.......  Uh, because I am a bitch and proud of it I want to reply, LOL.  Don't know why it bothers me but it does and as he would say, then it is YOUR problem, and he would be right, LOL.

    Zoey has surgery in the morning.  I have to find a way to mark all her lumps so they don't miss any.  He said red lipstick....not on MY carpet, excuse me.  So we will have to find something else to use.  I told my husband to get some whiteout.  I am so nervous and will be very happy when it is over.  I hope she isn't is too much pain.

  Well, my men just came home so I will close.  Take care all.
   OK, just got done giving Zoey a bath and getting the toxic white out off her.  What now.  I guess we try to shave her, that should be fun.  He wants all the lumps marked so they make sure and not miss any.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Yippy, My puters back

        I finally got my computer back today plus I also got a laptop that they had reconditioned making it in my price range,( broke), so if it ever happens again I still have one I can use.   What a nightmare.  He managed to save my pictures and word messages.  Now I have to figure out a virus program.  I know Norton is good but so pricey,  my youngest uses a free service but I have to ask him about that.  What is everyone using?

     My oldest son got in today.  50 some pounds lighter, he looks great.  I missed him so much.  My BIL got in yesterday.  Still the same from what I can see so far.  I gave him a list of instructions, showed him where everything was kept and what chores he had to do daily and left him with my MIL, LOL.  I told Betty, if you need anything or this isn't working out, call me. 

   Yesterday a lot of relatives were up from Missouri to visit.  BIL decided it was time to watch his home movies.  Well no one really ever wants to watch home movies, especially when they were here to visit and we were all happily talking away.  But he always has an agenda and that is what he had planned by golly.  Had to do it his way.  So in went the movies and slowly we all snuck out one at an time and ended up outside talking while him and my poor trapped MIL watched the movies.  Who knows, maybe she enjoyed them. I would probably at a different time also when I wasn't visiting.

    My MIL is doing pretty good right now.  I am afraid though she was just holding on for my BIL to get here.  One of our relatives said I didn't prepare them enough for how thin and sick she looked.  Gee, I told them she looked terrible, old and frail. Maybe I am getting used to it.   But she is happy her baby boy is home.  Funny she is the only one and that may change.  He already snapped at her earlier.  Boy did I shoot him a glare.  He is keeping his distance from me as he knows what I think of him.

   2 more nights to work and then I can visit with my son more.  Friday we are hoping to get all the bikes out and go to Adams to ride.  Should be fun.

   Isn't the picture above pretty in a way.  It has a layer of dust from the road giving it a velvety look.

  Well, I am so far behind on work in the shop.  Take care and I am turning on my alerts so I can visit your journals.  Check out the baby Robins, they are getting big.

Monday, May 14, 2007


   I am one of those people who gets words mixed up.  I will tell my husband I am going to mow the carpet and vacumn the grass.  Today I actually did vacumn the grass!  A rogue wind lifting up my umbrella on my patio table and crashed it down again shattering the glass.  So there I was with my shop vac doing the grass,  be careful what you say, it may come true. 

   My husband is picking up my BIL today.  Let the fun begin.  I should be getting my puter back tonight or tomorrow.  Yah

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Puter still down

   Well my computer is still down and I am really missing it.  It was full of viruses.  My son says its because I am always getting the cute emails with animated gifs and downloading them.  I didn't think they were dangerous.  Anyway they had to sweep my computer and I hopefully will get it back tomorrow.  I lost everything which is bad, but they saved my pictures, good news.  So I guess I can't open any emails with graphics,  when you get a pop up don't close it using close, alway the X.  Never use internet explorer again and surf using a limited account name.  I sure can't afford to have this happen again and will  be very careful in the future.  I thought as long as I didn't open attachments and didn't download anything I was safe, but the hackers have figured that out.  Darn hackers,  wish they would crawl back in their hole.
   Not much going on today.  Work,. work work.  Take care all.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Broken computer

  Hi Everyone.  My computer is down so I am using my sons.  Hopefully they can get it fixed soon.  I miss my computer and I am in the middle of a big consignment sale also.  Terrible timing.  Guess what?  The BIL is coming Monday, should be interesting.  Take care all.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Sunday Entry

Because of Me
by Helen Dowd

"Why is that man so ugly, and the mommy so pretty?" Five-year-old
Nancy tugged on her mother's arm, and pointed.

"Sh! Sh!" said her mother. "You wouldn't want them to hear, would you?"

"But Mommy, he's ugly! How can that pretty lady stand to look at him?"

The mother glanced toward the couple her daughter was pointing at,
quickly taking her child away. But every day during the sea cruise,
they saw the couple. Whenever they did, Nancy buried her face in her
mother's clothes. "Mommy, I just can't stand to look at him. He is so
ugly," she would say.

One day Nancy and her mother, Maria, were on deck, enjoying the sea
breeze. The beautiful woman came and stood beside them. She spoke a
soft greeting, smiling down at Nancy. Smiling shyly back, while
snuggling close to her mother, the little girl blurted out. "Why are
you so pre tty, and your husband so ugly?"

Maria gasped at her daughter's rude question. She was about to scold
her when the young woman spoke. "No, wait!" she said, "I've noticed
your child looking at us quite often. I would like to tell her a story
about my husband, if you will let me."

Maria, although quite embarrassed, nodded her consent.

"First," began the young woman, "My name is Rosella. What is yours?"
Learning that the child's name was Nancy, and her mother's was Marie,
Rosella invited the two to a table, and ordered three glasses of
lemonade. And then she began her story.

* * *
"Five years ago my mother and I were visiting in Florida, where we
were staying at a hotel. At the same time there were some service men
billeted at the same hotel. One very handsome colonel took special
notice of me, persisting that I dine with him. He sent flowers to my
room numerous times, and smiled at me every time I happened to come
across hi m. My mother encouraged me to accept his offer of a meal. So,
at last I did. It was then he told me that he had fallen in love with
me. He asked me if I would like to see him on a regular basis. But I
found him most obnoxious, and tried my best to ignore him.

"On one particular day I was especially rude to him, and I know it
really hurt him. I had gone into the hotel gift shop to pick up a book
to read. And there it was that I came face to face with the colonel.
He smiled. He had a beautiful smile, and it made his already handsome
face--well, he had the face of an angel. But I didn't return his
smile. I flung my head in the air, and walked right by him. I heard
him say, 'I guess this is your way of telling me to get lost.' I
continued on to my room, and went to bed. My mother was already
asleep, and it wasn't long before I was.

"About two hours later we were jolted out of bed by the most ear
splitting sound. My mother and I scrambl ed into our housecoats. It was
then we heard the frightening words. 'FIRE! FIRE!' Already we could
see the smoky, orange shadows encircling the hotel. Colonel
Brown--that was his name--was one of the first ones out of the hotel.
He watched as the hotel guests fled to the safety of the fresh air.
His eyes frantically searched the group in the court yard, but my
mother and I were not there. He dashed inside to see if we had made it
to the lobby. We hadn't.

"Firemen were all around, but although they tried to stop him, Lionel
broke by them, dashing through the flames to our room. He kicked the
door open. My mother and I, trapped and frozen with fright, were just
deciding if jumping out the window was an option. It wouldn't have
been. We were three floors up."

* * *
Nancy and her mother hadn't touched their lemonade, so engrossed were
they in Rosella's story. Nancy had gripped her mother's hand and her
eyes were brimming with tears . Rosella paused for a minute, sipping on
her lemonade; then she continued.

"Lionel snatched two blankets off the bed, and flung them at us. 'Wrap
this around your face,' he commanded  and it WAS a command. Then
tossing a small towel around his own face, he commanded, 'Grab my
arms, and don't let go until we are outside.'

"Blindly, we allowed ourselves to be guided by Lionel, until we were
safely outside. But what we hadn't realized was that the towel had
come off Lionel's face. His face was burned beyond recognition. He was
taken immediately to the hospital where he was treated for burns all
over his body.

"For weeks his life hung on a thread, his face bound completely with
bandages. Although he couldn't see me, he knew I was there. My mother,
by that time, had gone home. Every day I sat by Lionel's bed, holding
his hand and talking soothingly to him. At last they took off his

"Gone was the handsome face... But to me it was beautiful, more
beautiful than it had ever been. He had received those scars because
of me. If he hadn't fallen in love with me, I would have been just
another hotel guest, and he wouldn't have known to single me out and
worry over my mother's and my safety.

"During those weeks of attending Lionel, I had fallen in love with
him. While he floated in and out of consciousness, I crooned to him
how my scorn had turned to concern, and my concern had slowly been
replaced by love. As soon as he was released from the hospital, we
married, and have grown more in love with each other every day."

"But how can you stand to look at him?" persisted Nancy.

Rosella smiled. "I don't see his scarred face. I see the face of the
man he was before he became scarred. And I see the face of the one who
loved me enough to risk his life for me. I see the face of the man who
loved me long before I loved him. I see the face of God, because that
is what Jesus did, became scarred because of me."

Nancy and her mother saw Lionel and Rosella one more time before they
left the ship. Timidly Nancy tiptoed up to Lionel, and smiling shyly,
she slipped her hand into his. She tugged on his arm. Lionel,
suspecting that she wanted to say something to him, bent his head
towards hers. He had been used to being looked at scornfully. He had
heard the remarks of both adults and children alike. He had learned to
ignore them. But he was not expecting what Nancy had to say. "Mr.
Lionel," she said, smiling up at him. "I don't think that you are ugly
anymore. I think you have a beautiful face."

Isaiah tells us that Christ had no beauty that we should desire Him.
He would not have been an attractive sight, hanging on the cross, His
face scarred from the piercing of the crown of thorns they had placed
on His head; His body bloody from the whip lashes; His hands bleeding
from th e nail wounds. In the natural we would hide our face from Him,
as Nancy did from Lionel. But when we accept the fact that Christ got
those scars to save us, we no longer look at Him like Nancy did, with
scorn. We look at Him as Rosella did after the rescue. We see the face
of the One who loved us, who got those scars because of us.

Copyright © 2004

What a night

           Thunderstorms roared through town all night, sonic booms jerking you awake from a fitful sleep.  Listening for the hail that would spell doom for your newly planted flowers.  Listening for the sound like a train that would signal the tornado they kept warning us to watch full.  With all that I had little sleep.  They are predicting more severe storms today.  Today, the day I was suppose to be sitting outside happily bidding on some beautiful glass and china.  Sigh.

           Spent yesterday, no surprise here, at my MIL.  I did her laundry and then decided the blankets needed washing also.  Only to find out her dryer had broke.  No heat.  So we dragged it home here to dry.  I cleaned out her linen drawer downstairs and put some of her clothes down in it.  That way she wouldn't have to climb the stairs on the days she feels bad.  Thankfully she has been feeling good for a the last few days.  Too bad the weather is so wet as she would love to be sitting outside.

    She gave me some beautiful dollies and dresser scarfs.  I was going through her linen while moving it.  Brother, she has at least 40 tableclothes.  When would she ever need so many?  Many looked exactly the same but are different sizes depending on how many leaves she had in the table.  My MIL loved to entertain and I remember many a party with 20 to 40 people there.  Sad that is all gone.  Dwindled over the years as people died and moved.  Now just us at holiday's.  All the beautiful china and dishes stored away.

   Well darn, I didn't mean this to be a depressing post.  Sorry.  Today we will probably go back to her house as she has more company from Missouri.  Hope they got past the storms OK last night as they arrived late.  I will leave you with another of my new flowers I planted.  I planted lots of petunia's asthe deer don't seem to like them plus another I plant ever year which always does well, blooms all season.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Zoey's Vet visit


    We get to the vet and someone had a huge pit bull which immediately lunged at Zoey and scared her to death.  Very aggressive dog.  They hurried up and put that dog in a room.  We were talking to the vet and he said unfortunately those type of dogs and certain types of owners go hand in hand.  They want to look big and bad and they want a big bad dog.  But some owners do little about training their big bad dogs and dog bites are up.

   Anyway on to Zoey's lumps.  There are 7 lumps, 3 he is concerned about.  Most are doggy fatty tumors.  Unfortunately 3 of them could be something else.  So Zoey is going to be having surgery.  She has a new lump on her lip that he is very concerned about.  I asked him if he thought it was cancer and he carefully said he will see what the lab says.  The way he said it really worried me.  Also we have let Zoey get too fat over the winter.  So diet time for the dog and me.  I am glad we weren't there last month as she was even bigger then but we have been cutting down and walking more.

    I just don't know what I will do if this is bad news so I guess I will just try not to think about it.  We will probably have it done in 2 weeks so I will be off again as I don't think they can get her in next week.  Maybe, we shall see.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

   They cancelled my Sunday auction I have been waiting for because of this rain.  I am so bummed.

  Betty is doing well today.  So instead of laundry and since it stopped raining for awhile we are going to get our flowers.  We also took a nice walk with Zoey and she got to play in the water puddles which she loves.  Makes her a smelly wet dog but who cares.

Rainy Friday


    All week while I worked the weather was beautiful and I looked out the windows from work and dreamed about my days off riding my bike, sitting outside while Rick grilled, planting my flowers.....  The reality!  Rain.  So far every day.   Predicted all weekend.  Predicted on the day of my much anticipated outdoor auction.  No bike rides, no planting flowers, no sitting outside with the sun warming my heart and toasting my skin.  Sigh. one ever said life would be fair.


   My MIL has had a good couple of days.  She wants to come over here to see some wedding pictures I got from a relative.  They are on-line.  She hasn't wanted to leave the house for awhile so that is good.  My dog has missed her.  I should have her for supper but what do you feed a woman who only drinks boost and pudding for a meal?  Maybe macaroni and cheese with a custard pie for desert.  Mild and easy to get down and I make a mean custard pie.  I will see what she feels like.


    I had my tetanus, whooping cough shot Thursday.  Boy is my arm sore.  I had them do it in my numb arm so I wonder how much worse it would be if I had gotten it on my other arm.  They say whooping cough is really on the increase and they worry nurses may become carries from all the exposure so they gave us all free shots,  Oh goody.  I hadn't had a tetanus shot since 84 though so it was time.


   The baby eagles are really getting big aren't they.  The experts predict they will start flying around Memorial day.  I can't wait.


      Today I am going to do some house work for my MIL.  Wash her bedding and vacuum and dust.  Her house usually stays pretty clean.   Here, I have a gravel road so it is impossible to keep up with the dust.  I have to dust at least twice a day to keep up with it.  The rain will at least keep that down.  See, I can be positive about all this rain.  My silver lining.  And I know the farmers love it.


     Well, I am going to end this.  Sales have been very good in my shop so I have another package to pack and then I am going to visit your journals.  At 10 I have to take Zoey to the vet.  I am worried about her.  She is getting lumpy all over.  Hopefully just old dog lumps.  See ya all later.  I am off until next Thursday! 


    Aren't these graphics just toooooo cute!