I just got done reading the Big Fat Deal blog site, link at the side, and it got me thinking about the lap band surgery I was going to get. Dangerous to get me thinking.
When I made up my mind to have the surgery I of course became obsessed with the whole thing. Dreaming about the day I would finally and magically be thin I read and studied everything I could about it. I became a member of obesity.com, ( a great site by the way, but only if your having surgery,) and started the ball rolling with my insurance company. I saw the doctor and my husband and I went to class. I was ready, gung-ho, and oh so ready to be thin. I happily ate everything in site knowing that soon I wouldn't be able to eat that ever again. Didn't even feel guilty because I knew that soon I wouldn't be able to eat like that ever again.
I had never really though of myself as being extremely fat. Overweight obviously, but I was happy and active and really for the most part liked myself. Thinking about getting this surgery changed all that. At first it starts with, to get this surgery I have to be morbidly obese, surely I am not morbidly obese! I was though, at the low end, but I was there. Have a title like that tacked to you makes you feel pretty darn fat and bad about yourself. All of a sudden I became very self-conscious. Paranoid even. Everyone is looking at my fat self I thought. I got so I could not eat out in public, was everyone staring wondering how I could be eating? Why was I even eating when I was MORBIDLY OBESE! I wouldn't even let my husband see me undress anymore. I became very unhappy.
After about 5 months of reading the message boards and finding out that the people who had the surgery and were successful were the people who changed their eating habits and started to exercise. The band was a tool to keep them on track and help them not eat as much at one sitting, but it still took discipline to be successful. There are also complications and frequent doctor visits. I will admit to being secretly happy when my insurance company said I needed to have a doctors supervised diet for 6 months before they would decide to let me have the surgery. Of course that got me into a new year where I hadn't met my deductible which is probably why my insurance said it but I used the decision to try once again on my own with my new knowledge.
First I had to repair my damaged self-image. 
Meditation helped me there. I do it everyday. When I first joined the water aerobics class I went down there 3 times before I got the courage to enter. It took me a month to get comfortable getting sweaty at the gym without feeling like everyone was looking at me in horror.
Slowly I am back to feeling pretty good about myself. 
I am no longer morbidly obese, but I am still obese. So What! I am also smart, funny, a good wife, mother, nurse, grandmother, friend. I am healthy and active. I am happy to be me again. Full circle I have come. I am glad I didn't have the surgery. For me it worked out. Even if I never were to lose another pound, but I will, I will not look into have lap band surgery ever again. I would rather feel good about myself.
Your Nutrition Information
Actual Target
Calories 1,510 1500
Calories from Fat 530 280 - 530
Total Fat 61g 32 - 61g
Saturated Fat 5g <= 17g
Cholesterol 20mg < 300mg
Sodium 2,110mg < 2400mg
Total Carbohydrate 202g 180 - 260g
Dietary Fiber 25g >= 25g
Sugars 53g *
Protein 56g 41 - 142g
Vitamin A * *
Vitamin C 170% 100%
Calcium 70% 100%
Iron 110% 100%
Water 48oz >= 64 oz
1 comment:
I'm proud of you!! I know that surgery does help some people, but it's got its drawbacks, too! I have two girlfriends that had gastric bypass, and both looked very unhealthy when they lost their weight. They looked pale, worn out, faces all sunken in. They actually looked "healthier" before the surgery. They've both ended up back into the hospital for electolyte imbalances and other complications. Now, they are actually GAINING weight!! I can't believe it! After all that!!
I think you are following the right track. Keep it up!!! Now, if I can just get motivated......<sigh>
Pamela
Post a Comment