For the first time since I started my journey, I am having doubts as to if I will be able to do this. I am not sure why it is hitting me right now. Maybe because of the pain I am in. I have to keep telling myself it is worth it but my joints keep screaming, NO IT ISN'T! I haven't even writen my food down at the slim fast site for 3 days. Yesterday I had an oatmeal cookie! I have got to get over this. I told my husband to keep all temptation out of the house for awhile. It never used to bother me if he had doughnuts or cookies in the house. I never wanted them. Why would I want that when I could have a delicious apple dipped in butter or a fresh pear or grapes. I love celery with peanut butter also. I actually like that stuff more then the cookie I ate yesterday which was store bought and dry. The woman at work that was going to get lap band surgery the same time I was trying for it was approved and is down 50 pounds. That could have been me. She isn't exercising and is losing. I know I am doing what is right for me but it is hard sometimes.
I want to do the circuit tomorrow,but am not sure if I will be able. I am having trouble even lifting my purse right now much less weights. I have tried heat, ice, motrin, biofreeze, braces, darvocet, stretching exercises on my hands and nothing is helping. In fact they are worse. I wonder what in world is causing this flare-up? I have never had this much pain in my hands and wrists before. Knees, back, neck, yes, hands... not like this. Anyway it is wearing me down. I tried to meditate it into the back of my mind. That worked pretty good with my stomach, but it isn't helping much with the hands. I am typing this with one finger. I think since I know I am in trouble I will be able to control this urge to give up. I keep reading the board but find it too hard to type. I am tempted to call the doctor and get a dose pak of steroids as that worked so great with my ankle. Sigh,
Food. Ok for breakfast I had special K. For lunch I had a cup of the vegetable beef soup I made last night. I just ate an apple with melted peanut butter. Supper, Rick is grilling steaks as his mom is coming over for dinner. We will have sweet potatoes and I think I will get some fresh green beans out and cook them. I am planning on a large spinach salad with the meal even though his mother perfers iceburg lettuce. My house, my salad, LOL. I am going to add some walnuts and cranberries like I like it and see what she says. She is a pretty boring cook and most of the time overcooked everything so it is hard and leathery if it is a roast or mushy if a vegetable. She salts everything, I think she would salt salt. I had to go buy some to keep here for when she eats here. She always calls my cooking Gourmet as if that were a bad thing! I tell her, not gourmet, healthy. Lord help me to get past this slump and help me to again cope with this pain.