Sunday, October 23, 2005

Faltering

  For the first time since I started my journey, I am having doubts as to if I will be able to do this.  I am not sure why it is hitting me right now.  Maybe because of the pain I am in.  I have to keep telling myself it is worth it but my joints keep screaming, NO IT ISN'T!  I haven't even writen my food down at the slim fast site for 3 days.  Yesterday I had an oatmeal cookie!  I have got to get over this.  I told my husband to keep all temptation out of the house for awhile.  It never used to bother me if he had doughnuts or cookies in the house.  I never wanted them.  Why would I want that when I could have a delicious apple dipped in butter or a fresh pear or grapes.  I love celery with peanut butter also.  I actually like that stuff more then the cookie I ate yesterday which was store bought and dry. The woman at work that was going to get lap band surgery the same time I was trying for it was approved and is down 50 pounds.  That could have been me.  She isn't exercising and is losing.  I know I am doing what is right for me but it is hard sometimes.

 I want to do the circuit tomorrow,but am not sure if I will be able.  I am having trouble even lifting my purse right now much less weights.  I have tried heat, ice, motrin, biofreeze, braces, darvocet, stretching exercises on my hands and nothing is helping.  In fact they are worse.  I wonder what in world is causing this flare-up?  I have never had this much pain in my hands and wrists before.  Knees, back, neck, yes, hands... not like this.  Anyway it is wearing me down.  I tried to meditate it into the back of my mind.  That worked pretty good with my stomach, but it isn't helping much with the hands.  I am typing this with one finger.  I think since I know I am in trouble I will be able to control this urge to give up.  I keep reading the board but find it too hard to type.  I am tempted to call the doctor and get a dose pak of steroids as that worked so great with my ankle. Sigh,

   Food.  Ok for breakfast I had special K.  For lunch I had a cup of the vegetable beef soup I made last night.   I just ate an apple with melted peanut butter.  Supper, Rick is grilling steaks as his mom is coming over for dinner.  We will have sweet potatoes and I think I will get some fresh green beans out and cook them.  I am planning on a large spinach salad with the meal even though his mother perfers iceburg lettuce.  My house, my salad, LOL.  I am going to add some walnuts and cranberries like I like it and see what she says.  She is a pretty boring cook and most of the time overcooked everything so it is hard and leathery if it is a roast or mushy if a vegetable.  She salts everything, I think she would salt salt.  I had to go buy some to keep here for when she eats here.  She always calls my cooking Gourmet as if that were a bad thing!  I tell her, not gourmet, healthy.  Lord help me to get past this slump and help me to again cope with this pain.

2 comments:

mart5fam said...

I really loved this entry. You're funny.  sorry about your pain however. Hnag in there I had a nurse tell me to keep at it because eventually the pain goes away.  I did however added an extra day between excercises to ease the pain.  Then I went back to everyday excercising when the soreness started to subside.  Does your mother-in-law have high blood pressure with all the salt. LOL Happy healthy eating to you.

midwestvintage said...

 My MIL has had a stent put in because of blocked arteries and has high blood pressure.  You could never, never, never convince her it was due to her eating habits.  When we were staying there while my house was being remodeled she started to salt my food.  I told her to let my meal be.  I have enough trouble with edema without the added salt.  She will salt my meals without even tasting them knowing I usually use no salt or very little.  I keep telling here to taste it first and see if it needs it.  Sigh.