The New Alphabet

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat, That used to be right, But now it won't
float! Age before Beauty is what we once said, but let's be a bit more
realistic instead.

Now A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C is the chest pains, perhaps
cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read
that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T for Tinnitus; there're bells in
my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know.

W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have in my mind. I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed.