Ohhhh...... I have my attitude on. Nothing gets me going more then shopping. Being a wonderful built for comfort not speed woman, there are always things that get my dander up. Makes me what to scream and holler. Shopping for clothes is way up there.
Yes, I am larger then most cycling mama's, but I still want to be cool and dry when I ride without spending over 100 for one lousy outfit! Get into the plus sizes and your clothes either become frumpier then Gramma Moses used to wear, or something the lowest paid hooker wouldn't be caught dead in.
Bicycle clothes for your plus size woman are ridiculously expensive. To get a pair of nice shorts padded in all the right places to make your long distance ride a joy will cost you around 80 dollars! EIGHTY DOLLARS! Your jersey guarenteed to keep you dry and smelling like the freshest flower even after sweating out 40 gallons of sweat, will cost you another 80+ dollars if you please.
And then they are only 25 to 26 inches long! Barely enough to cover my first roll much less my deeply indently not very sexy but mine nontheless belly button. Does anyone in their right mind really want to see this 52 year old womans deeply indented belly button! Hell no. My husband who loves me deeply isn't even really really interested in exploring that region anymore. Can we say mood lighting here ladies!
So what do I do? Gee, Sweats really wick the sweat from you also and there must be a reason they are called sweats anyway. I don't at my age really care what I look like riding anymore, just that I make it to the end of the ride without having a massive heart attack. Scaring the cows and horses on the trip could happen to anyone, right!
I think of the barbie doll we saw on our last ride, every hair in place. Her perfect silicone breasts encased in the latest grooviest must have cycling bra. Barely puffing, her pants matched her god damn bike for gods sake......I will never be that woman. Never have been that woman......I sweat, I swear, I pant, I groan, I bitch, I moan.....but then I smile, I holler with joy, I laugh with glee, I soar with the angels down the hills. I swell with pride and even my crampy swollen muscles rejoice with me. Fat? Yes! Old? Yes getting there, Enjoying life? Heck yes!
As long as I have my attitude on, one more thing. For you men, yes I know it must be men, who designed bathrooms stalls so that a woman, a glorious plus sized woman, has to staddle the toilet so she can shut the door.......there is going to be a special place in hell for you.......and I am going to laugh!.