Friday

I feel good. I am down that pound and according to my digital scale another 1/2. I really have to say this is so far the best day I have had since surgery as far as mental fogginess. I plan on going to the gym soon. I think every other day will be good for now and if it goes well will start everyday.

I had been neglecting my meditation. If I got to relaxed I just fell asleep. Last night I meditated 15 minutes before bed concentrating on breathing and then on healing. I slept great and it no longer hurts to sleep on my side. I have been looking online for a new Tai Chi DVD. I have been doing the one for seniors, but think I need a more intense one now. I wish there was a class in this town.

That is the bad thing about not living in a large town. In a large town there would be places that taught you things like meditation, Tai Chi and whatever it was you were interested in. However there are also big crowds, long waits, traffic jams, pollution, noise, crime. Not that we don't have crime here but it is seldom enough to still keep up shocked and disturbed about it. My brother says it is so common place where he lives in Milwaukee they don't even blink. How sad to just be another statistic. I always want to be horrified that people are capable of such horrible things. Like the horrible murder of another little child in the hands of her step-father while no one did anything to help this tiny child. Boy did this thread take a sour turn. sigh. I need to meditate. Not that I keep my head in the sand, but I have to be centered to deal with the horror. More people should meditate and find ways of controlling their anger. Life is so short as it is. I hope the parents of that little girl get the punishment they deserve but they probably won't.

Ok, back to the journey. For months I faithfully wrote down everything I ate on the Slimfast.com site. I have almost completely given that up for the last month. As I slip a cookie in or a glass of juice, maybe one more rice cake then I needed and another bowl of popcorn it is adding up and slowing my progress and I am justifying it to myself by the fact I am still losing weight. Is losing as slow as I am good enough for me? Not really. I know I could be losing faster and still have it not be to fast. I am looking forward to the warmer months when I feel like eating less. I tend to want to pack on the weight in the winter and hibernate to try and stay warm. Salads are much more satisfying in the spring and summer, bike riding, hiking, fishing, all the great things about warmer weather. Now I might not be too selfconcious to wear a sleeveless t-shirt with a v neck so I can be cooler. I always thought I looked to busty in t-shirts. I need to get the courage to wear shorts also. So selfconcious. I hate to be stared at but if the truth be told, no one is staring, it is just my insecurities. I have always admired large women who would be seen in shorts and tank tops in the summer not caring what anyone thought. I was probably the only one looking at them with envy as I walked around in my sleeves and pants and sweated up a storm. Sigh, we are our own worst enemies.

Stuck in a rut as far as eating goes, I had shredding wheat again for breakfast and will have left over fajitas for lunch. For supper we are having a vegetarian pizza.  I am really thristy for a beer but might need something for pain as I keep getting these stabbing pains that I am told are normal, yikes.  I also had a mango peach smoothie so I get my increased vit C in.

   We went to the gym.  I ran into my water aerobics instructor who started going on and on about how great I looked and how skinny I was getting especially across the upper body.  I had to laugh and then told her about my breast reduction.  She was floored I was down working out already and said I really look good.  I have lost more weight since she saw me though.  I did 1/2 hour on the treadmill.  I almost fell off because my husband came up behind me and startled me asking if I should be on the machine.  I held on and didn't swing my arms and I think it went pretty darn good.  I did 3.4 speed with a 4 % incline.  Then I did 1/2 hour on the leg machines.  Pretty good.

    I measured my chest today.  Turns out I bought a bra a size bigger then I am now.  That is probably why I am sorer because I am bouncing more then is comfortable now.  I am now  39 1/2 inches around my upper chest just under my breasts and a 45 1/2  across my chest nipple to nipple.  I will have to go back in my archives and see what I used to be.  Ok I checked and I used to wear a 44 and my  chest measured 49 1/2 nipple to nipple.  This was at the start of my weight loss so this quite a differance.

   One thing I have noticed at curves.  I am not sure if they do it intentially to make you feel better or to keep you coming back but they always said I had lost more inches then when I measured at home.  Maybe it is difficult to measure yourself but I don't think so.  Everyone says that so it much be something they do deliberately.  I still liked curves though and it did keep me going.  I really liked it better then the coldness of the gym I am in now.