I am so angry at myself. Last night as usual lately there was food all over the place at work. I have a piece here and a piece there and that goes on all night. I know better. I have been so dedicated and was able to ignore these tests for so long and then the last 2 weeks it is a real struggle. The weird thing is some of the things aren't even that tasty. I am thinking some of this is nerves as my surgery date gets close. I am off now until Friday and will go down to 1000 to 1200 calories and no breads or anything else for a few days to purge myself. I feel like my stomach has ballooned out and my ankles are swollen like they haven't been for awhile. What is wrong with me. I missed 2 days of meditation and let my focus slip. That will change and I will rethink my triggers. I talked to the staff that is working next weekend and we all admitted we are sick of the pot lucks and temptations at work so nothing this weekend unless it is a healthy alternative. I told them we should do a potluck with everyone's favorite healthiest low fat dish.
I am going to sleep until 12:00 and then go to the gym. I am going to do the treadmill longer today as I think I burn more calories on the treadmill then lifting the weights and I have some serious calories to burn off. From reading the 100+ everyone seems to be struggling this month.