Tuesday afternoon, I'm just beginning to see.......

   I used to just love that song.   We just got back from the gym.  Todays workout was, as Tony the Tiger would say, GREAT!!!!!!   I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and had it set for aerobic number 2.  Great up and down and varied speeds.  I sweated up a storm with that I tell you.  Next my leg weights which I did 3 sets on the 6 machines I can use so far.  I sure will be happy when I can add my arm exercises back in.  I did some stretches and hit the track upstairs and did 2 miles in 22 minutes.  I have no idea if that is good or not.  I passed some people and some passed me.  I have a fairly short stride so I feel that is pretty good.  It usually takes me about 1.15 minutes to do 1 lap.  I did a slow down walk and drank a V8 tropical juice.  I had already drank my 24 ounces of water.  Next I went back down stairs and did another 15 minutes on the treadmill since my husband wasn't finished yet.  I am wiped.

   As feared I am up a pound.  Not very surprising since I had been cheating this weekend.  It was bound to catch up.  Time to get serious again.  I will not go back into the 200's ever again.  I had my usual cereal for breakfast but cut down on the amount.  Lunch was ramen noodles with garlic pepper and parmesan cheese.  I also drank another 24 ounces of water.  For supper my husband is making chicken with red potato's in the crock pot.  I am out of lettuce and need to hit the store.  Next week I start South Beach phase 1.  I have been planning meals and gettin my grocery list ready.  The south beach site makes that very easy.  I just hope I can afford it as we checked out turkey bacon and it costs a ton as does canadian bacon.  This is why only the rich are thin.  Us poor folks can't afford to eat well.  I try to go organic as much as possible but they really stiff you on prices.  Costs them less to grow because they don't have to buy chemicals but they charge more.  I have noticed anything that is low fat, low sodium, low carbs, bam up goes the price. This is why is best to cook from scratch and have a garden.  I do realize that organic growers get more lost to bugs and lower yealds,  I am from Iowa and  hear the daily farm report but sheesh, give me a break.

    My mother in law gave me a couple of vintage watches.  They both work and are so art deco.  I am bringing them in to be cleaned Aren't they lovely!               

   I also got the rest of my Christmas present from Rick.  It was on back order.  I collect these neat figurines of women.  This one reminds my husband of a drag queen but I like her,  she's an incense holder.

I am Meth

"I AM METH"
(This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail for drug
charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you
will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this
simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her
story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the
needle still in her arm.)

Please keep praying for our Children, Grand Children, Teens, Young adults.
Understand,............
this thing is worse than any of us realize...

My Name: "Is Meth"

I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that's just
the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.

I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,
your lungs your nose.

You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.

You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

Monday blues

                                   

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH Darn AOL, my counter has reset again for the 4th time.   %(#*&))@_!@##$%)#@%*(@))@_%%^*^C>+  I could just scream.....SCREAM......OK got that out my system.  Sigh.  It seems like everytime it hits 2000, baM GONE, GONE, GONE,  ARRRRGGGGHHHH.

 

  Outside is a huge murder of crows in the trees making the loudest racket.  Where did they come from and why do they sound so scary in the back woods.  It is overcast and dark and they just fit the whole mood.  I haven't seen any crows around all winter so they must just be passing through and I hope they leave quickly.  I like them a few at a time but 100 or more is just plain spooky.

  We were supposed to go to the gym today. My son Dan wanted up at 2, ( he works nights also), and he likes to go to the gym with us.  I prefer to go early in the day but like going as a family so that's fine.  Well 2 came and Rick was sleeping, Dan wanted to sleep more and even Zoey my dog was sleeping.  I was the only one awake and I haven't gotten released to drive yet.  No gym.  Tomorrow I will go at 9 am.  I had slim fast for breakfast, a low fat wrap for lunch and stew with low fat homemade biscuits for supper.  Some days it seems like all I do is eat.  I also had some pineapple and to tell you the truth I am getting pretty sick of it.  I should have just gotten the pills but like to do it natural when I can. 

   I am going to the MIL tonight to watch the movie about the flight of 92.  I know it will be depressing but I hear they did a pretty good job so I wanted to watch it.  Most of the time I don't miss TV at all and am not tempted to get one but it would be nice as full as I feel right now to slip into my PJ's and watch TV here.  They are going to have to get alot better programs on though before I ever waste my money on TV again.

   I weigh in 2 days and am afraid I might have gained this week.  I feel so full and bloated.  I have decided to do phase one on the south beach diet.  I was going to skip that as I have been dieting so long but think I may need to detox after all the fruit I have been eating lately.

                                        

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.  She was about to turn out the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"  The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.  " I can't dear," she said.  "I have to seep in Daddy's room."  A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice.  "The big sissy."

Fat and Fluffy

   Woke up this morning feeling fat and fluffy so I am getting ready to hit the gym.  It is 8:30 and it should be quiet there as most people will be at church.   Hopefully I will be able to work off some of this fat and fluffy feeling.  I was really bad last night and had some peanut M & M's that my husband had.  Not sure why I felt like I wanted some and now am paying the price.  Goal today, exercise, lots of water, and NO CANDY.

  OK, back from the gym and I was wrong, it was busy but not horrible.  I did something different on the treadmill today.  I set it for weight loss which is number 19 on this machine.  It started out extremely, horribly slow and showed no signs of speeding up so I did it manually.  That worked out better but after awhile it kept telling me to slow down.  I wasn't even up to the speed I usually do.  I slowed it down thinking it would eventually get faster as the incline started going way up, but it never really got fast until the 3rd hill or incline set and if I was going too fast it wouldn't incline.  It had 3 reps of inclines and walks and told me how many calories I was burning.  You set your weight and age in this program and maybe the machine thought if this fat old lady goes too fast she'll die one me!   Anyway I probably won't use that one again but I did like the incline, flat, incline, flat aspect and will do that during my workouts from now on.  I did 30 minutes on it but really don't think I got the cardio workout I was used to.   Then I did my leg workouts and increased 2 of them today as the reps were getting too easy.  I did the back machine for the first time since my surgery and was glad to see it didn't hurt or pull anywhere it shouldn't.  The first time I used this machine my lower back popped a couple of times and felt better then it had in quite awhile.  It did the same thing to my husband.  Kind of put us back in alignment.  I am not sure if it is intended for that but what a nice surprise.  I did 3 reps on the 6 machines I can use for now and then went to the upstairs track to walk.  It takes 10 laps to do a mile and I was upset to find I started getting some chest pain on lap 8.  I haven't had problems like that for awhile.  Made me nervous as I have been have some nagging pain in my left arm and elbow for the last 2 days.  I slowed down and finished the last 2 laps, but slower and then rested with some fruit juice.  Happily the pain went away quickly just by slowing down but it is worrisome.  I sure don't want another cardiac cath.  Terrible patient that I am I am chocking it up to the M & M's.

   Lunch was ramen noodles with mixed veggies, no broth pack, and some Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top and I am going to have an apple in a couple of hours.  So far I have had 32 ounces of water.  I have been slacking off for awhile and need to not let it become a habit.

The rest of the day

  Today I spent tearing my room apart and then putting it back together and re-arranging my closet.  I had lost my beloved charm bracelet.  The one with all the charms I got myelf  for my weight loss.  I am notorious for taking my clothes off at night and kicking them in the general direction of the closet.  Not cool, but what can I say. I was really upset.  I finally sat down and meditated to relax myself and while doing that remembered where it was I had put my bracelet,so now my closet looks great and in the last pair of pants I was getting ready to hang, I found my bracelet in the pocket.  I almost cried in relief. 

    For those who don't know I get a new charm for every 10 pounds I lose and I also got one for getting under 200.  These are rewards for myself.  My first was a butterfly to signify the change I would be undergoing, my 2nd one simply says 20 for 20 pounds lost, my 3rd is a turtle because it took so long to lose that 10 pounds, for 40 I got a bike because I ride my bike alot in warmer weather and I think it helped that 10 get off faster then the previous 10.  For getting under 200 I got a mountain because I feel I made it over the top and will coast, albeit with some bumps to my goal.  I am about ready to get another one in 5 pounds, but I have not decided what to get yet.  Maybe I should have them make me on with a bra on it, LOL.  They can make anything you want.  It's a thought.  When I reach goal I already know I will get a gold trophy.

   Eating fair today.  Had shredded wheat for breakfast and another wonderful wrap for lunch.  Trying to eat up my fruit so had a apple and grapes and some pineapple juice.  For supper we had some awesome chili.  I bought the mix at our craft fair, it is a local recipe that has won quite a few awards and I can see why, wonderful stuff..  I also had a couple of multigrain cakes.

Things I can do 45 pounds lighter.

  When your weight loss takes this long I tend to forget where I was last June when I started.  I will never know for sure what my exact starting weight was since I didn't have a scale and never weighed in officially until I saw the doctor.  I had started dieting a month before I saw the doctor for my gastric bypass I didn't get.  I was 242 at that time and I know I had lost a fair amount of weight before that.  I would think maybe 10 but at least 5 pounds.

     At that weight putting my shoes on was getting very difficult.  I could bend down to do it, but my face would be beet red and it looked like I would pop.  When I could I always put my foot up on something to make it easier.  Now I have no problem tying my shoes. 

   I had trouble getting in some booths where the table were unmoveable.  Very embarrassing and I always looked for a table with chairs so I could move them out.  Now I always try to find a booth as they are more comfortable and I can fit into any I find around here. 

  Taking care of my grandchildren for 2 to 4 hours would completely wear me out.  Now the last time they were here for 5 days I had them 24 hours a day and outlasted them all.  I felt good. 

   My clothes were a joke.  Whoever designs clothes for women of the plus size have some things so screwed up.  The arms on my long sleeve sweaters were always way too long and the shoulders hung off my arms.  The pants fit on the waist but the legs were so wide they added an additional 20 pounds to me.  Now that I have gone down 3 sizes the fit seems better. 

   Although I am not completely happy with my reflection in the mirror, I no longer avoid it like the plague and actually now that I am in the honeymoon period with my new chest, I find myself looking often. 

    I had a triple chin and jowls.  My face has always been round with what my mother called my Swedish cheeks, but it was moon faced.  Now it is getting back to having some definition.  The weird thing is I am starting to look more like my brother, I haven't decided if that is a good thing.

    My wrists were big old fat pads as were my knees and  I had 3+ pitting edema and high blood pressure. Now I am really pleased with my skinny wrists and my bony ankles.  My blood pressure is great.

   A lot of this is due to the weight I lost and alot is due to the exercise.  I do know I feel better then I have in 10 years.  I can't wait to update this in another 45 pounds.  I want to sit and hug my legs to me.  I don't know why but that always looked so cool, maybe because I haven't been able to do that for along time.  I want not to be the fattest person in the room.  I want not to be self conscious on the few occasions we go out to eat.  I love hiking and want to be able to go anyplace at all without worrying that I won't make it.  Most of all I want to be healthy.  And You know what.  I think I am pretty healthy already.

  Though you try and fail,
and try and fail,
and try and fail again..

The only time you truly fail
is when you fail to try again.

LC on the 100+ board posting this today and I love it so am wanted to share.

Early Morning

  It is 3 am and I can't sleep.  I hate that.  I hate it worse when I am working.  I lie there thinking.  If I can get to sleep now I can still get 6 hours, if I can get to sleep now I can still get 5 hours and on and on.

  I did go to the gym yesterday.  I did the treadmill for 1 mile, worked out on the leg machines, walked on the track for 1 mile, did some leg machines and then walked backward on the track for 2 laps.  That works completely different muscles but does look strange.  Improves balance also.  That pretty much did me in.  I started out pretty good on my plan yesterday.  Had my slim fast,  had a wrap with low fat ricotta cheese and turkey, spinach, onion, low fat pepper jack and it was great. Blew it at supper though.  We went out and I had Widmers beer, yummy, chicken wings and garlic cheese sticks.  Completely off plan but fun to do on a very very rare occasion.

   My husband isn't real thrilled about me doing the SB diet because it will mean a change in his eating habits again but he'll live.  The hard thing will be on the days he cooks.  We might have to eat separately at least for the phase 1.

   Well, it is getting late.  I think I will try to sleep.  Night all.

South Beach Diet

It is crucial for you to understand what meditation is. It is not some special posture, and it's not just a set of mental exercises. Meditation is the cultivation of mindfulness and the application of that mindfulness once cultivated. You do not have to sit to meditate. You can meditate while washing the dishes. You can meditate in the shower, or roller skating, or typing letters. Meditation is awareness, and it must be applied to each and every activity of one's life. This isn't easy.

-Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

    Ok, I said I was never going to diet again but I have been reading this book about this diet and am going to give it a shot.  Why, because it says it targets belly fat of which I have lots and I can't seem to get rid of it, and because of all the diets out there this really is a sensible one you could live with that really does what it says.  I am not going to do it right away however because I still want to eat pineapple for awhile to aide with my healing and swelling and I have a ton of fruit around.  I also have a ton of brown rice and whole grain multigrain breads.  I am going to eat all that stuff up and then give it a shot.  On this diet I am not sure how phase 1 will go with my night job.  The way I have been eating now I fit it around my schedule, it might be harder to do on the south beach, but phase 1 is only for 2 weeks and I can handle that if I do the first week on my week off.  I will miss my beloved rice cake, now multigrain cakes and apples with peanut butter or applesauce but they are not banned forever.  I will also miss beer which I have kept in my diet but limited.  I have to decide what I want more.  Less belly, less beer.  Sounds like I have a problem with beer, I don't, I just like it.

   South Beach has lots of processed foods out these days.  I will not eat any of those and hear alot about the bad things that have happened to the program lately.  I do think if you do it from scratch the way it was originally intended it is a good program.  The problems will be supper.  Can I fix it so my family doesn't have to have a different meal?  My husband can still afford to lose some weight but my son can't.  He is lean as it is.  I don't think he has any body fat and I don't want him to lose anymore.  He did lose 5 pounds when I started cooking different.  I will also miss an occasional pizza.  Also short term.  I know lots of people who have had success with this and would welcome any comments from anyone reading this journal who have used it.  Any recipes also would be great. Also I hear there is a cookbook, worth buying?  Remember I can not afford alot of weird and hard to find items.  I live in Iowa and fresh seafood is hard to get.

   I am going nuts not going to the gym and since I am again feeling so much better I will go this afternoon.  I need to work off some tension from messing with my disabilty company.

   I am going to ask the doctor if I can go back to work on the 5th.  My disability is all screwed up with their new plan and I have no money coming in so far.  My husband doesn't work, so it is going to get very lean around here shortly.  My son is giving me some money which is great and he should anyway, but I can't afford to stay off as long as she wants.  I am going to complain bitterly to the benefit office about this new way of doing your benefits.  Who's wonderful idea was this?  Obviously someone who doesn't live check to check.

   It is almost 10 and I haven't eaten breakfast yet.  Better get busy.  Maybe I'll just have a slim fast, I am not hungry. 

Good Book

  I was up half the night, from 2:30 until 6 am reading a new book I got from the library. It is called Passing for Thin Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self"  by Frances Kuffel and is about her losing over 110 pounds and the changes she undergoes.  It is a really must read book for anyone one a journey like mine to lose a large amount of weight.  Although I don't quite relate to her early years eating habits and sneak eating, so much of it hits home.  It is great the way she changes from an angry lonely woman with a poor self-image to a lovely happy self-assured woman.

   My husband figured out they took just slightly over 2 pounds off my chest which accounts for my 2 pound weight loss which means I have to get serious here.  I had added some more things to my diet since I was working out but now that I am on hold with that I need to cut those out.  That means in 2 weeks I really haven't lost anything that wasn't surgically removed.  Sigh.  I think the woman in the book went to over eaters Anonymous meetings and that is what helped her so much.  Maybe I should check the one out here in town and see if it is as good as the one in New York she went to.

   Breakfast today was shredded wheat.  I am stuck in a rut.  I might just have a tasty salad for supper and we are having crock-pot chicken and veggies.

  I have decided to take this week off from the gym.  I do not want to compromise my surgery or my recovery.  It is a killer though and I almost changed my mind as my husband took off for the gym.  I see the doctor next Tuesday and will then start going back if she says everything is OK.  I am not having as much discomfort today.

   OK we ended up having fish for supper with brown and wild rice and then I steamed a head of cauliflower.  I baked the fish because although it was 60 degrees out the winds were 40 MPH and it would have made grilling difficult.

  Went shopping today.  I wanted to get a top that would be flattering for my new chest but really hated the selection and I can't wait until I get out of plus sizes.  I ended up getting a heavenly pair of slacks that I have no idea what size they are because they weren't marked.  They were not in the plus sizes though and I got 2 workout pants also not in the plus sizes.  I can get by with large or x large.  I wish I knew what size the pants were.  The last ones I bought were an 18 and they are somewhat baggy on me.  I hate my body shape.  My stomach is horrible and still clinging to all the weight.  I don't think I have lost an ounce there.  My legs are getting thin, I can cross my legs and they don't do that awful rubbing together when I walk.  My arms, although flabby underneath, are smaller and my face is smaller.  Oh and I bought some shoes and have gone down a size in shoe!  Neat.  My stomach though won't budge.  If I win the lottery I will be making an appointment to get a tummy tuck right away.  Since that won't happen I will just have to plug away and try and work it off at the gym.  Sigh.

Needed to remind myself

Neat facts

TOP 10 STRATEGIES
FOR PERMANENT WEIGHT LOSS

1. Exercise - It's nothing new, but exercise is probably the most important predictor of whether you will succeed at long term weight loss and weight loss maintenance.

2. Pump Iron -Miriam Nelson, a Tufts University researcher, showed that a group of women who followed a weight loss diet and did weight training exercises lost 44 percent more fat than those who only followed the diet. The basic equation is this: the more muscle tissue you have, the more calories you will burn.

3. Keep a Diary - Keeping a food diary can be a huge asset in successful weight loss.

4. Stay Focused on Healthy, Not Thin - Many people become more successful at long term weight loss when their motive changes from wanting to be thinner to wanting to be healthier.

5. Find Out What's Eating You - All too often overeating is triggered by stress, boredom, loneliness, anger, depression and other emotions.

6. Get Support - A big key in long term weight control comes from receiving encouragement and support from others.

7. Watch Your Portions - With the advent of "supersize" meals and increasingly huge portions at restaurants, our concept of normal serving sizes is a distant memory. Be mindful of the amounts of food you consume at a sitting.

8. Lose Weight Slowly With Small Changes -It is important to realize that the more quickly weight is lost, the more likely the loss is coming from water and muscle, not fat.

9. Slow Down -That's because from the time you begin eating it takes the brain 20 minutes to start signaling feelings of fullness. Fast eaters often eat beyond their true level of fullness before the 20 minute signal has had a chance to set in.

10. Eat Less Fat, But Do It Wisely -To many, the message to limit fats implied an endorsement to eat unlimited amounts of fat-free products. Just to clarify, fat-free foods have calories too. In some cases fat-free foods have as many calories as their fat laden counterparts.

Wednesday weigh in

  Well today is weigh in day on the 100+ day so I can count my -2 pounds down.   I was hoping to see more this morning but alas, no change.  No gain though and that is such a good thing.

   I have a new product I will give my opinion on.  I love rice cakes and use them like dessert.  I especially like the peanut butter ones.  Yesterday I went to get some more and they have some new ones out.  Multigrain cakes made with whole grains.  1 g fiber per serving, low fat, no trans fat.  I bought Cinnamon Toast and Mable syrup, ( dessert you know,) and tried them out.  I like them.  They are not the same texture as the rice cakes which some people may like.  Each cake is 50 calories.  They seem to fill you up better then the rice.  These are made with brown rice, corn, and oats.  Now if they come out with a peanut butter one I will be happy!

   I added a site to my favorites on the left I recommend checking out.  I love the books Strong Women Stay Slim and Strong Women Stay Young.  I didn't realize they had a web site but they do.  Lots of great information there.  The message board needs to me monitored better for spam but besides that a good site.

   I had some oatmeal for breakfast this morning and am planning on eating leftover seafood pasta from last night for lunch.  I think Rick is planning to grill today since it will be warm, 48 degrees, out.  I have very hungry for a pile of brocolli so will get some today and steam them.  I am not going to work out today because of the problem I am having.  I am hoping that will settle everything down.  I will do my stretching though.  When I go to the library today I am going to check out the South Beach book.  I keep hearing so many good things about it and have never really checked into it.

   I am 5 pounds from my half way mark.  I need idea's for a new charm.  It has to be really special.  Any ideas will be welcomed.

  Every since I got the stitches out yesterday the pain has steadily gotten worse.  I was so incredibly miserable last night.  This gets weird, sorry, but I felt like I was being tortured with electrical currents connected on my nipples.  Awful, horrible, terrible feeling.  I am just so hyper-sensitive from the nerves.  I finally just went to bed with no shirt or bra and 2 pain pills and tried to meditate the awful feeling away but didn't have alot of success.  Now this morning it is not as intense, but still there.  I am having more discomfort then I did the first week of surgery and today it has been 2 weeks. Wow, 2 weeks, doesn't time fly?  So anyway, not much sleep.  I wonder if this is completely normal or if I am doing too much at the gym.  Why do I always have to push myself so far?  From having had so many surgeries I have found that the sooner you get up and get moving the faster you get better.  Everytime you walk it is easier and I have always recovered faster then alot of people because I don't let the pain stop me from getting up and around.  I hate being sick and laid up and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make the down time as short as possible.  Maybe however with this type of surgery I have messed up.

Walking club

                              http://walking.about.com/

    This is a great site that tells you everything you want to know about walking and how to do it effectively and without hurting yourself.  I am doing the 10 week walking course and get a newsletter daily with tips and recipes.   I am going to redo this course after it is done because I started it before my surgery and have never make my 10,000 steps a day, but I have been close.    Walking is great because except for good shoes it is cheap and almost anyone can do it.  Check out the site.

Stitches come out today.

           

                                      

Mediterranean Seafood Pasta

2 Tbsp. olive oil
4 garlic cloves
2 cups fresh yellow squash
2 cups chopped bell pepper
4 medium fresh tomatoes
2 cups chopped onion
8 oz. scallops
8 oz. fresh or frozen medium sized shrimp
4 Tbsp. fresh basil
4 oz. pasta, whole wheat
4 Tbsp. fresh parsley
2 Tbsp. fresh, grated Parmesan cheese

Cook pasta per package directions, omitting any salt; drain and reserve about 1/4 to 1/3 cup of the pasta water; set aside. Mince garlic; rinse all vegetables and herbs. Chop squash, tomato, parsley and basil; set aside. Heat oil in a large nonstick saucepan over medium heat; sauté onion and garlic 2 to 3 minutes. If using fresh shrimp, peel, de-vein, rinse and pat dry. Defrost, rinse and pat dry if using frozen shrimp. Rinse and pat dry the scallops. Add shrimp, scallops, squash and bell pepper to saucepan; cook about 4 to 5 minutes or until shrimp is pink and scallops are opaque. Add cooked pasta with reserve liquid, chopped tomato, basil and parsley; stir to combine and heat thoroughly. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and serve.

Nutritional values per serving: 347 calories, 29 grams protein, 37 carbohydrate, 10 grams fat (2 grams saturated fat), 254 milligrams sodium, 7 grams fiber, 8 grams sugar and 107 milligrams cholesterol.

Serves 4

   I got the above recipe in my email today from e-diets.  Sounds great and that is what we are having for supper tonight.( This turned out great and gets 2 thumbs up)  I have everything but the squash so I will hit the store after the doctors today.  I need some rice cakes, V8 smoothies and pineapple juice also and am getting low on apples.

   I get my stitches out at 9:45 today.  Nervous.  Please don't let it hurt.  I am hoping that I am a little numb on the incision line and won't feel it.  Doubt it though.  I will meditate before I go and do my breathing while she does it.  She meditates also so is really good about waiting until I am relaxed.  Have I mentioned that I like my doctor.  She is pretty cool.  Turns out her husband is the one who fixed my hand.  They should be able to have a pretty good vacation this year with all the money I have sent their way.

   I am not sure about my exercising today since I am not sure how I will feel after getting my sutures out.  Last night I piled a ton of pillows on either side of me so I wouldn't sleep on my back.  Rick has been sleeping in the guest room so he doesn't accidently elbow me in his sleep which he has done before after surgery.  I think it would be fine for him to come on back though.  I am not the sensitive anymore.

   I woke up feeling so light today.  I haven't weighed yet but I feel like I may be down again.  It might me my satin pajama's though.  They are so light and flowing feeling.  I highly recommend them for sleeping.  Makes you feel so feminine and no binding during the night.  Love them.

   Breakfast will be the shredded wheat again.  I like them because they have so much staying power.  I keep frozen blueberries in the freezer and they are great on top.  Lunch will probably be a wrap from the store as we will be hitting the northside Hy Vee and they are great there.  You know what I am having for supper.  Snacks will be an apple and some V8.

  Well here it is, another boring post.  Hey I have a poll, do you taste the grapes before you buy them?

 I don't usually swear but I got a giggle over this and thought I would share it.

  Well I got my stitches out and all I have to say about that is ouch!  Wahhhh whaaa, boo hoo.  Now the good news is I got the OK to wear some normal bra's and she wanted me in a more supportive sports bra since I won't stay away from the gym :-)  So we went to Shopko and I tried on a dozen bra's.  Iam amazed at how the same size varies.  When I was much larger I always bought the exact same bra for at least the last 25 years.  I got the cutest pink bra with stripes in a 42C and I think a 40 might have been better, but I am still tender and didn't want something tight.  I got a 42 C sports bra that I have not a single jiggle in so maybe I won't hurt so much after working out.  The really cute bra's are still to small for me width wise.  I need to get down to a 38 or 36 to wear some of the really cute one. Some were too large in the cup and some were to small.  But most of the time a C cup fit perfect.  Happy Happy Joy Joy.  Then I came home and I did take a pain pill because the burning is really intense.

Overweight Children

   I am gabby today I guess but something I read got me to thinking.  I keep reading posts where people say they can't get rid of all the junk food in their house because of their children! They need their twinkies and pop and candy and cookies. Say What!  Why would you want your children to go through the same struggle you are today? Look in the mirror and check out your parents.  Is there a trend in your family for everyone to be heavy. Is each generation getting heavier?  I got this heavy overeating,  but fortunately I never fed my kids that way and never had pop and junk food around.  My youngest son is very thin and fit but my oldest is heavy.  Most of his weight has been put on since he got married.  They eat alot of junk food.  I worry myself sick about my grandchildren.  Why would you want to keep those foods around to give your children.  While they are young is the best time to teach them to eat properly and in moderation. Although I hate throwing food out I never insisted my kids finish everything on their plates, just that they tried a little of everything instead of just saying, I don't like that!

   I just heard yesterday that expentant mothers who ate carrots while pregnant had children who liked carrots.  You can influeance your childrens eating habits.  Get rid of the TV's in their rooms.  Limit the amount of time they watch it.  Get a video for childrens workouts and set a time for them to exercise everyday.  Have them join the Y.  Get them outside playing.  We have to change this horrible trend of obesity in this country. 

    I know they love their children.  They put seatbelts on them.  Keep them clothed and educated.  Get them medical attention when they need it.  It is equally and vitally important to teach them how to eat well.  Make it a habit.

   Here is an excellent site about childhood obesity.  Check it out.

http://www.obesity.org/subs/childhood/prevention.shtml

   I also think it is important to have your children involved in the food preparation.  Letting them help you plan a healthy meal and prepare it teaching them how to make good food choices.  It can really be fun for the whole family.  Have each child responsible for one part of the meal and have make it a healthy addition to the meal

Table 1.
Prevalence of Obese Children
(Ages 6 to 11) at the
95th percentile of
Body Mass Index (BMI) 
1999 to 2000 15.3%
1988 to 1994 11%
1976 to 1980 7%

Table 2.
Prevalence of Obese Adolescents
(Ages 12 to 19) at the
95th percentile of
Body Mass Index (BMI)
1999 to 2000 15.5%
1988 to 1994 11%
1976 to 1980 5%

   Isn't this scary.  Lets change it.

  I got this recipe from E diet

Southwestern Shrimp Wrap

12 oz. frozen, pre-cooked medium-sized shrimp
3 Tbsp. olive oil
2 cups frozen mixed vegetables
4 whole-wheat tortillas approximately 6-inch diameter)
4 Tbsp. low-sodium salsa

Heat oil in a nonstick skillet on medium-high. Add veggies; stir-fry until tender but still crisp. Defrost precooked shrimp according to package directions. Add shrimp to skillet with vegetables and heat through. Remove from heat. Place tortilla on a plate; spread shrimp mixture over half the tortilla and top with salsa; fold over the edge with the filling and roll it up.

Nutritional values per serving: 213 calories, 22 grams protein, 23 grams carbohydrate, 6 grams fat (1 grams saturated fat), 557 milligrams sodium, 2 grams fiber, 1 grams sugar and 167 milligrams cholesterol.

Serves 4

Early morning

  In meditation, don't expect anything. Just sit back and see what happens. Treat the whole thing as an experiment. Take an active interest in the test itself, but don't get distracted by your expectations about the results. For that matter, don't be anxious for any result whatsoever.

-Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"

 I have been up since 5.  I awoke on my stomach with a deep throbbing pain in my,(sorry about this), nipple.  I can not get comfortable.  I didn't mean to sleep on my stomach so soon, but must have turned over in my sleep.  It is now 2 hours later and it is still throbbing.  Everything looks OK so I hope nothing is wrong.  I have read on the BR board that most incisions that break open do so at about the 4th week.  I see the doctor tomorrow to get my stitches out and will ask her all these things.  So anyway my morning is not starting out extremely well.

   I did get something really great though.  I am a member of the Kick in The Tush club and the newsletter is always full of useful information.  Click on the link to read a nice article about margarine.  Did you know it was once illegal? 

http://app.e2ma.net/app/view:CampaignPublic/id:3610.186996587/rid:16f31f3a49a72059c931d9fde8362402

    Since I am feeling pretty sorry for myself this morning I decide to break a little and have my husband make his world famous french toast.  I will not have the amount I used to eat and will have one andouille sausage this morning.  Oh and a big glass of orange juice as I continue to increase my Vit C.  I will not feel guilty about this as I never use syrup and hopefully will still go to the gym if my pain settles down.  I am trying to decide if I should call the doctor for reassurance or just wait until tomorrow.

   Yesterday I made my salad for lunch and decided to use a few blue cheese crumbles on top.  How do you know if blue cheese crumbles are bad?  They completely ruinedmy salad.  I only used 1/4 tsp and it was enough to ruin it.  Thank goodness I had more lettuce as I had to throw that away, along with the blue cheese.  That will teach me to add things to my salad without tasting it first.

  I made a orange cake for my son's birthday and substituted some mango and pineapple juice for the water.  It really turned out tasty.  Yes I did have a small piece.  It does seem like the longer I am on my plan the less exciting things like this are.  I get more satisfaction from making a light and tasty meal that turns out to taste great then from a piece of cake.  It is always fun to try new recipes though.  People who think you can't eat well while losing weight must not be cooking from scratch but buying pre-made recipes.

   I tried doing some ab crunches yesterday and was surprised that it hurt.  Didn't think I used any muscles from up there.  I did some stretches and some yoga moves but I do better going to the gym then working out at home.  I keep getting distracted.

   I got to thinking yesterday we hadn't heard from my MIL about my son's birthday.  She is 84 and although doing great for her age, she is getting forgetful.  Turned out my husband hadn't talked to her since Thursday. Neither had I.  Well I was immediately nervous because I have taken care of so many elderly patients who lay on the floor for days before they were found with their broken hips.  Fortunately she was fine but had forgotten all about Dan's birthday which in itself was sad.  We ended up going there for supper.  We had an extremely dry and tasteless roast made with potatoes and carrots and iceberg lettuce.  Eating at her house is always great for my diet.   I discussed with my husband about not letting a day go by without calling her.  We should do it twice a day.  Him in the morning, me at night.  When it gets so she can't live alone anymore she is moving in here in our spare bedroom.  We want to put it off as long as possible because it will be hard on her.  I sleep all day when I work and we don't have TV.  That would drive her nuts.  We eat completely different then her which would also drive her nuts and I couldn't eat her cooking everyday, although I would probably lose weight.  She used  to be an excellent cook, but seems to have lost the nack of it as she aged and she forgets ingredients which makes things turn out different.  Another thing she does is salt everything.  A small salt shaker will last me a couple of years.  I rarely use it and then only when making pasta.  Then I rinse the pasta to get as much of the salt off as I can.  I retain fluid bad if I use it.  She can of course get TV when she comes, but we still hope it will be a long way off.  That is why I drag her to water aerobics at least once a week.  She is going to stay healthy as long as possible.

   Well I have rambled on long enough and my breakfast is almost done.  It will be sinfully good and worth the extra miles I will have to put on the treadmill.  Everything in moderation!

   Well breakfast was heavenly but I paid for it.  We went to the gym around 9 and I started on the treadmill.  I did 30 minutes and the last 3 minutes it hit me.  My IBS was acting up.  OH NO!  Was it the sausage or the milk in the french toast or just a full moon.  I never know when it will strike, but since I have been eating better I don't have as many attacks.  I started my meditation routine, deep breath and relax and it settled down.  On to the weights, I did my leg workouts with occasional cramps, but not too bad.  Then upstairs to walk a mile while my husband finished his workout on the machines.  I wanted to walk 2 miles but knew I was in trouble after a mile.  Back down to tell my husband he had better get me home ASAP.   I did my deep my breathing all the way home and kept it under control but yikes that is miserable.  No more french toast and sausage before the gym again.

   Now the really great news.  I weighed in after I got home from the gym before my shower and I am down another pound.  Super big grin here.

New Keyboard

Friday my old keyboard bit the dust.  The B stopped working.  Since I was tring to send a birthday card to my friend Robin that made it really tuff.  Happy irthday Roin!  Not good.  We went our yesterday and bought a new one.  Boy is it beautiful and the keys work so well.  My old one was about 10 years old and since everything else on my computer has been updated, it was high time to go high tech with this also.  This is the one I got.  Very, very, very comfortable on these carpal tunnel wrists, keys very easy to reach, extra features while not completely necessary very nice.  It has a zoom button which is great for reading smaller print.

Microsoft Natural Ergonomic Keyboard 4000 B2M-00012 at TigerDirect.com

   Anyway that is why no entry yesterday.  Was going all over town checking out keyboards and seeing what one I liked.  This morning I spent trying to find the CD with the first pictures I posted about my weight loss.   I wanted to do a side by side comparison.  I couldn't find the CD.  I know I have some in my first entries so I could see if I can copy and paste.  Anyway I found some from a while ago and some from today.  I think you can see some differance but it is hard to tell as I wear my clothes so baggy and now since almost everything I wear is so big they are still baggy.  I should do close up my face.  Too bad I have no early ones as my face is alot thinner.  I can see a change.  I can't wait to see how it looks 6 months from now.  Will I be at goal weight then or close?  Time will see.

6 monts ago                          2 months ago           today

    I kick myself for not taking better pictures of the beginning of my journey  I should have had shorts on and had my camera's resolution set better so I wasn't so foggy.

 

2 years ago, not at my heaviest                   today, still have those apple cheeks.

   I had my usual shredded wheat today.  Last night we had steak, mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables with sour dough bread.  I admit to eating some of all but limited everything but the vegetables.  We were celebrating my youngest son's birthday early. It is really today but we are going to my MIL's tonight.  My baby is 29 years old!  How did he get so old when I stay so young, yah right keep fooling yourself Julie.  I bought some new lettuce so will be making a salad for supper and then I think we are having fish and wild rice for supper.  I have got to find some way to get myself drinking my water better.  I am terrible about it.  I think it is really important and I can't seem to get it done.  Shame on me.  I didn't work out today but plan on doing some yoga and Tai Chi today.  I am thinking about taking a beginners class in Pilates.  It is not supposed to be as hard on your body as yoga.  I will have to see how much a class costs as that is extra in my gym.  I am still doing my walking though.

Need a toast

  I am going to be going out with some of the women for work next week.  We plan on having drinks.  I was thinking of making a toast to my breasts since we are going out to celebrate my new ones.  Let  me know what you think and how I can improve this.  I have a few days to get it right.

Heres to the breasts hung low, now high,

Here's to the breasts I've said goodbye,

You helped me nurse, you helped me score!

But now I don't need you any more. 

To you breasts! Cheers to a C.

They are much more becoming to little old me!

   Ok, I would welcome any suggestions to improve this as I will giving this toast next week.  I think it is pretty cute.

Friday

I feel good. I am down that pound and according to my digital scale another 1/2. I really have to say this is so far the best day I have had since surgery as far as mental fogginess. I plan on going to the gym soon. I think every other day will be good for now and if it goes well will start everyday.

I had been neglecting my meditation. If I got to relaxed I just fell asleep. Last night I meditated 15 minutes before bed concentrating on breathing and then on healing. I slept great and it no longer hurts to sleep on my side. I have been looking online for a new Tai Chi DVD. I have been doing the one for seniors, but think I need a more intense one now. I wish there was a class in this town.

That is the bad thing about not living in a large town. In a large town there would be places that taught you things like meditation, Tai Chi and whatever it was you were interested in. However there are also big crowds, long waits, traffic jams, pollution, noise, crime. Not that we don't have crime here but it is seldom enough to still keep up shocked and disturbed about it. My brother says it is so common place where he lives in Milwaukee they don't even blink. How sad to just be another statistic. I always want to be horrified that people are capable of such horrible things. Like the horrible murder of another little child in the hands of her step-father while no one did anything to help this tiny child. Boy did this thread take a sour turn. sigh. I need to meditate. Not that I keep my head in the sand, but I have to be centered to deal with the horror. More people should meditate and find ways of controlling their anger. Life is so short as it is. I hope the parents of that little girl get the punishment they deserve but they probably won't.

Ok, back to the journey. For months I faithfully wrote down everything I ate on the Slimfast.com site. I have almost completely given that up for the last month. As I slip a cookie in or a glass of juice, maybe one more rice cake then I needed and another bowl of popcorn it is adding up and slowing my progress and I am justifying it to myself by the fact I am still losing weight. Is losing as slow as I am good enough for me? Not really. I know I could be losing faster and still have it not be to fast. I am looking forward to the warmer months when I feel like eating less. I tend to want to pack on the weight in the winter and hibernate to try and stay warm. Salads are much more satisfying in the spring and summer, bike riding, hiking, fishing, all the great things about warmer weather. Now I might not be too selfconcious to wear a sleeveless t-shirt with a v neck so I can be cooler. I always thought I looked to busty in t-shirts. I need to get the courage to wear shorts also. So selfconcious. I hate to be stared at but if the truth be told, no one is staring, it is just my insecurities. I have always admired large women who would be seen in shorts and tank tops in the summer not caring what anyone thought. I was probably the only one looking at them with envy as I walked around in my sleeves and pants and sweated up a storm. Sigh, we are our own worst enemies.

Stuck in a rut as far as eating goes, I had shredding wheat again for breakfast and will have left over fajitas for lunch. For supper we are having a vegetarian pizza.  I am really thristy for a beer but might need something for pain as I keep getting these stabbing pains that I am told are normal, yikes.  I also had a mango peach smoothie so I get my increased vit C in.

   We went to the gym.  I ran into my water aerobics instructor who started going on and on about how great I looked and how skinny I was getting especially across the upper body.  I had to laugh and then told her about my breast reduction.  She was floored I was down working out already and said I really look good.  I have lost more weight since she saw me though.  I did 1/2 hour on the treadmill.  I almost fell off because my husband came up behind me and startled me asking if I should be on the machine.  I held on and didn't swing my arms and I think it went pretty darn good.  I did 3.4 speed with a 4 % incline.  Then I did 1/2 hour on the leg machines.  Pretty good.

    I measured my chest today.  Turns out I bought a bra a size bigger then I am now.  That is probably why I am sorer because I am bouncing more then is comfortable now.  I am now  39 1/2 inches around my upper chest just under my breasts and a 45 1/2  across my chest nipple to nipple.  I will have to go back in my archives and see what I used to be.  Ok I checked and I used to wear a 44 and my  chest measured 49 1/2 nipple to nipple.  This was at the start of my weight loss so this quite a differance.

   One thing I have noticed at curves.  I am not sure if they do it intentially to make you feel better or to keep you coming back but they always said I had lost more inches then when I measured at home.  Maybe it is difficult to measure yourself but I don't think so.  Everyone says that so it much be something they do deliberately.  I still liked curves though and it did keep me going.  I really liked it better then the coldness of the gym I am in now.

Tear Jerker

T-Bone Steaks and Yellow Roses        

This blinkie came from: http://www.sandysworldonline.com/angel_blinkies_1.html

I walked into the grocery store not particularly interested in buying
groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my husband of 7 years was still
too raw. And this grocery store held so many sweet memories.   He often came with me and almost every time he'd pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd always spot him  walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his hands.   He knew I loved yellow roses.

   With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had passed on.   Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for two.   Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered how he had loved his steak.   Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large package of T-bones, dropped them in her basket.. Hesitated, and then put them back. She turned to go and once again reached for the pack of steaks.   She saw me watching her and she smiled. "My husband loves T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know."   I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her pale blue eyes.   "My husband passed away eight days ago," I told her. Glancing at the
package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my voice. "Buy him
the steaks. And cherish every moment you have together."  She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she placed the package in her basket and wheeled away.  

    I turned and pushed my cart across the length of the store to the dairy
products. There I stood, trying to decide which size milk I should buy. A
Quart, I finally decided and moved on to the ice cream. If nothing else, I
could always fix myself an ice cream cone.   I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward the front. I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the
brightest smile I had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her
blonde hair as she kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.   As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes.
"These are for you," she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow
roses in my arms. "When you go through the line, they will know these are
paid for." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled
again.

    I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still
unable to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision.   I looked down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping
and found it almost unreal. How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed
so clear. I wasn't alone.   Oh, you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He was still with me, and she was his angel.   Every day be thankful for wha t you have and who you are.

   Every once in awhile I get these emails that catch you by surprise and actually choke you up.  I thought this one was sweet so thought I would share.

Thursday Morning

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha

        I am up a pound today.  I want to follow my doctors instructions but I don't want to gain any weight.  What a dilema.   I am going back to my old eating habits.  It works for me and my lab work was perfect.  Everything was in normal limits when I had it done pre-op.  That must mean that what I am doing is working for me.  Going over 2000 calories is not something I can do right now.  Maybe when I get all my weight off I could go up but right now and especially with my exercise being so restricted I just can't do.  I takes me twice as long to lose that pound then to gain it.  Now why is that?

   I found another great meditation site on line yesterday.  There is lots to read on it but I have lots of time on my hands.   Meditation for Weight Control, Weight Control, Weight Loss, Strategies for Weiy

Meditation, Home, what is meditation, types of meditation, meditation and alte

   I have already done my meditation today and feel focused and peaceful.  I will be successful on my eating plan today and get closer to my goal of 10,000 steps.

   Breakfast is going to be oatmeal.  I am hungry for something hot.  I have some frozen blueberries I am going to sprinkle on top.  I use organic no fat milk which for some reason tastes better to me then the non-organic.  Maybe it is just the brand.  I am disappointed in the grapes I bought, sour.  They always leave the bags open in the market.  It is OK to eat a grape and taste it before buying?  Is that why they do it or is that stealing.  I am tired of buying bags and having sour ones.  When they are good they are really good but not when they are sour.  The deer will get a little fruit in their winter diets.  I have a couple of apples and some bread to throw them and the big doe really liked the grapes I gave her last time.

                                        

   My wonderful dog is at my feet.  I think about how much joy this throw-away dog has given us and think about how close she came to being put down.  We adopted her from the humane society.  Everyone should get their pets from there to help get rid of puppy mills but that is another rant.  Everyone should spay and neuter their pets also.  Anyway 7 years ago I was going to adopt a St. Bernard at the shelter and it had been put down to make room for some puppy mill dogs and cats.  I did not want a puppy.  As I was leaving I saw this single puppy in its pen.  Alone and so cute.  She was only 9 weeks old and I was to be her 3rd owner already.  She was very smart, very cute, only had 3 accidents ever and has been a constant companion since.  Until people can do right by their pets and get them fixed so we don't have so many unwanted animals, please adopt.  I really feel Zoey knows we saved her life that day.

Zoey making herself very comfortable as a puppy, she really likes a pillow to lay her head on.

  Nothing made her happier then a stuffed toy to rip apart.

                 Even today she loves her stuffed toys and greenies.

   Well I spent the day today trying to get my short term disability straightened out.  They changed it this month and now the check doesn't go straight to my bank but comes here.  Great.  I am suppose to be recovering but now I have to drive to work, pay my health insurance and dental insurance which would have been deducted from my check.  Then I have to go to the band and deposit my check and put money in my Christmas Club, Vacation Club, IRA,  house payment, checking and savings, not that much ever stays there.  Now who thought of this wonderful new way to recover from surgery!  Also now we have to use a weeks vacation before our short term kicks in.  It used to be 2 days.  I asked them, so we have had our benefits reduced?  Why didn't they mention that in our benefit packet or why didn't our union rep mention that?  They kept trying to tell my my benefits hadn't been reduced.  Well Duh.  Yes they have!  How did they sneak that one past our less then great union.  Not to mention our health insurance has gotten so bad that we can't afford to go to the doctor now unless we are near death.  Now at the doctors office we have to pay our co-pay plus a deductible so it is impossible to get out of the office for under $100.00.  Have I mentioned before how the INSURANCE COMPANIES HAVE RUINED HEALTH CARE IN THIS COUNTRY!   I don't believe in socialized medicine as I have seem what health care is like in other countries and that is what we have now.  Before the insurance companies took over management of your health care most people could afford to get medical care, even the poorest.  Now only the rich can get the care they need and they are over charged every step of the way as the Doctors group try to figure out how to get the most money out of the insurance company.  It stinks.  Oh to go back even 25 years ago.

   Oh well I will stop ranting about the rotten insurance companies.  I ended up eating shredding wheat and bran for breakfast.  Easy and fast.  I had a slim fast for lunch with a rice cake as I had all that running around to do.  For supper we had hamburgers with sauted peppers and mushrooms on them.  I had mine minus the bun.  I had about 8 steak fries and a big pile of Brussels sprouts and carrots.  I also have been drinking V8 smoothes.  I had mango and peach mix today whichis really good.  I also had one cookie, oatmeal and may have some light popcorn for a snack.  Not the best eating day but I did get my 3 meals in plus I drank a ton of water.  So far I have only done 6358 steps as I spent so much time in the car.  I didn't feel up to the gym but hope to go tomorrow.

Journal Surfing

How do I change?
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

 |  |

-Og Mandino, “The Greatest Salesman in the World”

    I have been journal surfing and there are just some amazing weight loss success stories out there.  I feel empowered just reading them and know more then ever I will succeed at my goal.  I am not sure when and really that isn't even important, just that I will do it.  I really really want this and I can do this.  Nothing can stop me from making my goal, no excuse not to go on is good enough.  I love being thinner.  I love more importantly how much healthier I feel.  Like I have shaved 10 years off of my life.  Now this is a 2nd childhood that is wonderful.  My family is proud of me.  I am proud of me.  I am happy, but actually I always was a pretty happy person.  Life is good.

  My total steps today is 8628.  I didn't get my pedometer on until 12 noon so I missed whatever morning steps I would have had.

 

It's been a Week!

                                              

 I just realized that I put the wrong day on yesterdays post, maybe I wasn't as with it as I thought, lol.  Oh well I do know it is wednesday today and it has been 7 days or one week today since my surgery.  I weighed in today and am down to what I was the day of surgery. I am alittle sad that I am not lower.  After all they removed 2.5 pounds from my chest.  So does that mean I am really up 2.5 pounds?  I am however still pretty swollen in the chest area so I am going to just wait it out.

  I don't feel any bad effects from walking yesterday and we do plan on hitting the gym today.  All 3 of us are going and I am walking and walking while they workout.  I really would love to use the leg machines and if Rick doesn't put a halt to it may give it a try.  That wouldn't affect my incisions at all.

   I got a huge bag of grapes to munch on.  Since the doctor wants me to increase my calories I will do it with fruit and veggies.  I could eat a whole head of califlower as a snack.  I also cut up some celery and apples so they would be handy to eat.  I will admit to having one or two oatmeal cookies this week also.  I include those in my diet as a treat.   I just checked out my calorie needs for my age and weight and it is 2504 calories.  I simply can't go up to the 3000 she wants.  I will go up to 2200 or 2300 and that will have to be good enough.  I went to this site to check my calorie needs.Calorie Needs - Women

   Dee, thanks for the links to the tea.  They all sound so yummy.  I will have to order some after I get back to work.

  Oh Man, can you say idiot!  I am so sore.  I didn't think I over did it.  I walked 2 miles on the track and it took me 17 minutes so I wasn't going reallyfast, but I must have alittle more bounce now that the swelling is less and I am sore plus had a small amount of bleeding when I got home.  Stupid.  I also did some reps on the leg machines until Rick caught me and put a stop to it.  By then I was getting sore and quit happily.  I have been pretty miserable since.  I did however get to take my much anticipated shower.  Heavenly.  I used a blow dryer on low to dry my steri strips and make sure I was really dry.  Now a couple of pain pills and rest the rest of the day.  At the time I did not think I was overdoing it.  All of my other surgeries they want you up and walking as much as possible.  Maybe this sports bra doesn't give me enough support.  I will have to see how I feel tomorrow.  If  I am still this sore I might stay home and be a good little patient.  I really don't want to mess up my incisions.  I had a wonderful V8 Splash tropical blend after the workout and drank 24 oz of water.  Still have not made my 10,000 steps today.

Feeling Better

                                      

 I notice my counter is starting over again!  What is up with that.  Does it erase after each thousand and start over?  One day I will sign on and my journal will be gone.  Lost in cyber-space along with my lost numbers.  No big loss I realize but I have gotten use to writing in this.

   I am feeling almost human today.  I stayed awake from 4 pm until 11 pm last night.  A new record.  I still feel like I have aliens perched on my chest but they aren't stabbing me as often.  I see the Doctor at 10 am and they we are definitely going to the gym.  My husband states he will let me use the treadmill and walk only, if I even look at a weight machine we are out the door but I really think some of the leg machines will be OK.  I feel like my muscles are getting soft again.  Can't have that.

   I just finished a piece of my husband egg pie.  It is pretty high in calories I think but has lots of wonderful vegetables and all fresh ingredients so a small piece won't hurt and I will start working out again.  I finally feel like I can do my 10,000 steps.  For lunch I had a turkey wrap.  I have been drinking my pineapple juice so will see if my swelling goes down faster. 

   Yesterday I had fun trying on my clothes.  Some look so much better and some don't fit anymore.  They hang wrong.  The weight gain from surgery is completely gone now that I am back on my medication and drinking more fluids.  Last week on this day I was getting my markings.  Time flie.  I have read 4 books so far and have 2 more to go before I have to hit the library again.

  Well, I had better get ready to go see the doctor.  I will post later and update how it goes at the gym.  Oh, I slept much better last night with the tubes out and actually woke up onmy side.  I know the doctor said 3 weeks but I can't help what I do at night.

   Doc was not to thrilled about my plan to go to the gym.  She says it hasn't even been a week and this was major surgery.  I just planned on walking.  The last thing she told my husband is not to let me exercise too much.   Otherwise everything is looking good.  I chided her about not warning me about the 10 pounds weight gain and she said most patients don't weight themselves.  She is pleased though and says I am doing much better then even some of her younger patients.  I told her she should have her patients do ab work for at least 1 month before surgery as it really has helped.  Next week I get the stitches out.  My skin is so sensitive to everything that I have having a problem with the steri strips causing redness. She changed them and told me to let her know it they started burning or itching to bad.  I stopped at Walmart to get another bra also.  2 isn't enough while I am having some draining.  I was looking at all the pretty, cheap bra's and can't wait until I can wear some of them.  I might be obsessed with buying them for awhile.  I can buy 5 for what I used to pay for one.  The doctor also thinks since my back pain hasn't come back it probably won't which means for me the surgery was a success since that is why I had it done.  I am so happy it worked.

   Went for a walk down by the river instead of the gym so we could walk the dog.  I only got 1/2 mile in because I started to get more pain then I cared for and it was bitterly cold with the wind.  I hope to make it more everyday.  So far no naps today but I did break down and take some pain pills about 1 hour ago so will probably get sleepy.

I was short on my 10,000 steps having only gotten in 8753 steps.  I am still not sure I have it set correctly so when I get to the gym I am going to count off 100 steps and see how accurate it is.

Drains maybe coming out today

   I hope they do at least.  I have to call the office at 9 and let them know how much is out of them and then see if the doctor as time to remove them.  They are driving me nuts.  I am still trying to get used to these new breasts of mine.  It feels like someone has just sewed someone else's chest on me.  Can these really be mine!  They itch and I can't wait until I can take a shower.  I have noticed that the crawling burning pain that I had between my shoulder pains is gone since I had the surgery.  I have lived with that for so long it is hard to believe it is gone.  I wonder if it will come back.  Did it really work?  Am I really going to have some relief from back pain because of this surgery?  I am afraid to hope to much in case it comes back as I become more active.

   I didn't do anything again yesterday but sleep for the most part.  I didn't eat breakfast as I fell asleep until 11:30 after I wrote in here yesterday.  I had a lean cuisine bean and rice for lunch and some pineapple and then slept again from 12:45 to 3:30.  Sure not burning any calories this way.  We had egg pie for supper and then I actually went to the store and to get some movies with Rick. It felt great to get out of the house.  I bought some V8 tropical juice with pineapple and coconut and more pineapple juice.  The pineapple is suppose to reduce swelling and help healing so I have been drinking that.  Tastes good and hopefully will help.  I am less swollen but bruised pretty good. 

      I am almost done with my book and will start another.  My concentration is better now so I can read more then a few pages before I dose off.  Soon this will all be better.  I can't wait to try on the swimsuit I got.  Going to the class the first time will be really strange.  I hadn't told anyone there what I was getting done but you can really notice, especially in a suit.  I hate being stared at and will be happy when that is over with.  Unless you have had this problem your whole life most people can'tunderstand why you would go through this surgery.  I can't understand why someone would get implants.  I always hated the attention I got because of them and then in later years the pain from the weight of them.  They never felt attractive to me.  Now I can finally work on some positive body imaging.  Mirror work like Daisy would say.

   The drains are out and if I never have to go through that again it will be too soon.  Ouch.  I keep having all these zings across my chest that they warned me about.  Not a plesent feeling.  Just going out there and then to the store wore me out.  No walking today, I need a nap.  They told me they want me eating plenty of calories right now to help with the healing.  NO DIETING.  I have increased from normal and am trying to eat good foods like apples, spinach, V8, beans etc...  She said even if I gain a little right now it is better then not having my incisions heal well.  I mentioned that I was feeling shaky and weak today and they said that is normal, it has only been 5 days and not to rush it.  So I won't.  I will take it easy as my body doesn't seem to want to do anything else right now.  Trying to make the foods I eat be important healing type foods also.  I see the doctor tomorrow to get my steri strips changed and then Wed. I can take a shower again.  I can't wait.

Back on The Journey

                                             

 My sleep pattern is pretty messed up.  It is 5 am and I am wide awake.  Not surprising since I went to bed at 9 pm.  I really didn't give my eating plan much thought the last few days while I concentrated on feeling better.  I weighed in this morning and the water gain I saw after surgery is almost all gone but I am still up 3 pounds.  I still feel puffy but not as generalized as right after the surgery so it is going away.  I want to make sure I eat healthy foods so I heal rapidly and I am really getting the itch to start moving more.  My drains should come out tomorrow and I will go to the gym in the afternoon and hit the walking track.  I am nervous about using the treadmill yet so I think I will wait awhile until the risk of having to grab on if I lose my balance is gone.  I did some yoga stretches this morning and they felt great on my tired muscles.  I am out of Anne's organic raspberry dressing and think I will go to the store and stock up on the salad makings I like.  I want to eat enough calories to make my healing go well but not so much as to gain back any weight.  I think if I stay between 1800 and 2000 that will do both.  Pineapple juice has been recommended because it helps reduce swelling and promotes healing so I will pick up some of that also.  It is one of those can't hurt might help type remedies.

   I mentioned before how much all my exercising has helped with the surgery this time.  If you knew you were having surgery like I did I would really recommend it.  Our heart patients have to get up out of bed and chairs not pushing with their arms.  Some of them really struggle with that and I would have also before my exercising.  So my advice to anyone who has a surgery coming up is do some ab work and practice getting up from chairs and beds without using your arms.  Here is a good site with some ab exercises.Exercises for your Abs

   I am doing some research this morning on healing foods. I know about the pineapple, spinach, and green vegetables but what else would help.  I would love to get back to work as soon as possible.  My heating bill was ridiculous this month and I haven't turned the temp above 65.  We are walking around in long underwear and sweaters and it still went up 100 dollars.

                                           

  I am feeling pretty good this morning.  Finally getting the fog lifted from my brain.   Pain meds are great when you need them but at my age I don't like making my brain any duller then necessary.  Aol was talking about a trauma pill this morning.  Would you take it?  I believe everything in life makes you stronger.  I love being able to experience intense joy and think it is healthy to feel intense grief also.  I like to deal with things head on and get it over with.  Numbing it doesn't make it go away or easier to cope with.  People who live long are those who have learned to roll with the punches. That is what I want.  If I am angry I want to be good and angry, If I am sad make me good and sad and when I am happy I want to yell it from the rooftops.  When my children were small I had a big round fluffy ball.  When they were angry I would tell them to take it out on the ball, kick it, punch it, yell at it, whatever it took to get it out of their systems.  Instead of hitting their brother or walking around feeling bad just get it over with.  We went through 3 balls but it really worked. 

     Breakfast this morning is going to be oatmeal with raisins and organic no fat milk.  Lunch will be a spinach salad with salmon on top, dried cranberries, crushed walnuts, and raspberry dressing if I get to the store.  Supper is going to be my husbands famous egg pie.  Lots of healing healthy foods in it and very filling.  I will have some V8 with a couple drops of olive oil and warmed up applesauce for my snacks.  I had restricted my water because of the fluid gain, but will start increasing that again also.  I am glad to be feeling better.

                       Why yes I do Now 

Crazy counter

   I don't know what AOL does but that is the 2nd time I have lost all my numbers on my counter.  Sometimes I am surprised to see the journal still here.

  I got different pain medications and it has helped alot.  No more itching.   I am pretty uncomfortable today.  Staying on my back is difficult even propped up.  Sore butt.  I am used to sleeping on my side.  I also am so sleepy.  I think I slept 20 hours out of the 24 yesterday.  I feel tight and itching with sharp shooting pains in the middle and the sides.  I keep accidentally snagging the tube on the left when I am arranging my clothes and that smarts.

   I still feel pretty swollen all over especially my legs and my hair needs to be washed.  I hadn't given much thought to that before surgery and am not sure how to go about it now.  I can't shower and don't know if I could bend over the sink.  I should call my hairdresser and see if I could go in for a wash.

   So far everything is going well.  I am so happy I did all the exercising I have done because I am finding it easy to get out of bed using my abdominal muscles instead of my arms.  I am in  a little more pain then I was hoping I would be in but that could be due to all the swelling.   More tired then I thought I would be but I am over 50.  Having had many surgeries in the past I know that this will past fairly soon.  Just be patient Julie.  Drink my protein chi drinks and relax. 

    Rick helped me to wash my hair and I feel much better after washing up.  I was up for about 3 hours and then slept for another 4.  Just can't keep my eyes open.  I haven't had anything for pain since this morning and unless it gets really nasty should be fine until tonight.  I changed my dressings and that seems to be all I am up to so far.  I think I will just relax and read.  I am re-reading the House of God which is funny.  Thank goodness it doesn't hurt to laugh.  I wonder if I could stay awake through a movie.  Maybe we should rent one tonight.