Trying to commit suicide!

  The weather man is not to be believed!  They said 80 was going to be the high today.   I said 80, that sounds like a bike ride to me!  Off we went merrily on our way with extra ice, but not the coolest clothes I own.  It got very very hot.  Breezy actually means gale force winds in your face, but not until you are at least 12 mile out so that you can't really say, gee lets go back, this looks like it is going to be a hot windy ride!  Another thing,  I was trying to get some sympathy from my husband.  Why does everyone else look like they our out for a nice little ride in their designer cloths and there hair just right and I look like someone has thrown a bucket of hot water on me that has scalding me I am so red.   Why do I have to look like the FAT LADY EXERCISING AND GETTING READY TO DIE!   Being very well trained after 33 years he just said I look lovely and didn't get it.   I wanted sympathy for all the suffering I was going through.   Turns out the temp got to around 100 with a heat index of 112 and the humidity was 75% thanks to our rain.  My asthma kicked in overtime giving me the 2nd worse asthma attack I have ever had.   My husband kindly asked me,  Gee how often are you suppose to use the puffer?  I grimaces and spit at him,  as often as it takes to make me feel like I am not going to lay down and die this very minute!  Oh man,  what I wouldn't give for young lungs and portable AC for bike riding.  Since I hadn't dressed right I stopped at the barn and bought this pretty tacky touristy T-shirt to wear.  Staggering off my bike my capri pants got stuck on my water bottle holder and ripped up my pant leg,   Good I though, that will be cooler.   I walked in to get my shirt and the sweet little 95 pound cool as a cucumber volunteer grabbed the phone to call 911.   Are you all right, she gasped.  Just give me a really large white T-shirt and I don't want to talk about it I spit.    You would think I was the only overweight 51 year old asthmatic woman that had ever staggered in there!

   I had to walk my bike today. My son says, you walk your dog, you ride a bike.  I have sworn my husband to silence.  I didn't walk far, maybe 10 feet looking for shade while my puffer kicked in so I wouldn't die.  But I did walk my bike, the 2nd time ever. 

   As I stumbled into Jolly Rogers gasping for a cold beer and a cool breeze I wondered what I was thinking about.  Why did I think a fat old woman like me could ever get into shape.   My husband,  looking cool and collected as always, not a drop of sweat, said, well we did 26 miles today.  Not bad.    I suddenly felt better, could have been the beer or the cool fan pointed my way and I suddenly felt like celebrating cheating death once again,  God I love my bike!