Ramblings of a bored mind

                         May the sun

                        bring you new energy by day,

                                    may the moon

                        softly restore you by night,

                                   may the rain

                        wash away your worries,

                                may the breeze

                  blow new strength into your being,

                                 may you walk

                gently though the world and know its

                   beauty all the days of your life

                                 apache blessing

     It's another wet rainy day.  My mood is wet and dreary also.  I need to do something to cheer me up.  If the rain stops shortly and the sun peeks out I think it would be a perfect day to go shoot some pictures.

     Last night we had BLT's made with turkey bacon instead of real bacon,  it is just as good and my husband liked it better, more meat, less fat.  We used the wonderful fresh tomatoes our friends mother gave us. 

    I'll admit to having 2.  I can't help it.  Who knows when I will get more fresh big tomatoes and they were so good.  I always rationalize my over-eating.  The world could definately end tomorrow the way things are going.  My blood sugar feels low,  the sun was in my eyes,  its just a small piece and so much less then I would have eaten before,  I don't want to hurt their feelings by not trying it.....Yada Yada Yada........ 

   I am such a terrible patient.  My husband insisted  I look up my medication and find out if it was safe to take.  I didn't want to know.  Well I find out it is in the bad drugs on the good drugs bad drugs site.  For one thing the cost is way high,  for another there are some rare but severe side effects that may not ever go away.   My husband worries since I usually seem to be the lucky person who gets the rare side effects.  One out of100,000 will have a blood reaction from their own blood,  I did!  I get hives almost everytime I have a IV.   Steroids put me into CHF.  Now I don't want to take this new medication.  I really don't want to take any medication.  I think I am doing just fine with the inhaler when I have problems.  The doctor keeps putting me on medication and I keep going off it after deciding it is not worth the risks to take it.

    Since yesterday morning I have been feeling fuzzy.  Even my teeth feel fuzzy.  numb all over with a warm slightly sticky feeling.  Not a very good feeling.  So I decided to look up the med.  What is he going to say when I tell him I stopped taking this one also.  Maybe I should just never go back and see him again except I run across him at work and he would ask.  Not often at night though.  If I can lose enough weight before I see him again maybe he won't recognize me.   

    It sucks being a nurse because I take care of people all the time who have long term problems from being on a certain med they have to have.  I always felt the secret is to not take any pills at all.  I think that is why I started my weight loss journey in the first place.  When I got put on blood pressure medication.   Well I am off those and my blood pressure is great now.   I don't seem to be able to get off the HCTZ, but so far am not having any problems from it and definately have more problems with fluid when I don't take it.  So tell, am I crazy to worry?  Does anyone else do this?  Am I a doctors worse nightmare?