Today was my first day back at water aerobics. I really missed it. I only did 1 1/2 hours because I forgot how much bouncing around you do and that much bouncing is still painful on my breasts. Swimsuits don't offer much support. It was still great though and the first hour we had a new instructor that really worked us. I ache all over but its a good sore. I feel like we used every muscle group. Thats what I like about this class. You work all your muscles and get a cardio workout. I saw some covert glances at my chest but nobody actually asked about it. One lady asked me how much more weight I have lost since she says I am so much thinner. I am in a size 18 swimsuit which is much smaller then the 24 I started out in.
I was talking to one of the ladies there who had lost quite abit of weight on LA weight loss. She said she has gained it all back. We talked about why we faulter as I have been lately not as dedicated and she just quit. We don't really know. We both like feeling better, looking better, eating better but the constantly thinking about what to fix and how to fix it and what to eat eventually wears you out. I would do good if someone would fix all my meals and snacks. I probably would do good on that one that delivers all your meals if I were rich enough. For this reason alone I have been thinking about joining overeaters or TOPS. Something where I have to physically go and weight in once a week. I am competitive and know I would not want to go heavier. I love my on line support group but it is too easy to just not post if I am struggling. I don't want to make anyone else stumble.
I weighed in today and am up a pound and 1/2. Isn't it funny I can feel that pound also in the way my pants fit. My legs are swollen which is a direct result of some of my poor choices in food. I also am eating to much at a sitting again and need to start measuring food out again. My biggest problem is I never seem to feel full. I can drink 10 glasses of water before supper and still don't feel like I have had enough on the proper portions of foods. Sigh. This is such an on-going struggle. I go along so well so long and then have to struggle for awhile and re-evaluate my goals all over. I have to get out my fat pictures to remind myself of how far I have come because I look in the mirror and see no change. I even feel too big in the breasts again and had to look at my before pictures to remind myself. I keep thinking the mirror doesn't lie, but my memories must. I realize this is not an unusual problem. Heavy people always think they look heavy even when they have lost twice as much as me. Oh not all the time but you catch yourself feeling too fat to do this and too fat to do that. Mind games.
My meditations lately have not been about helping my self image. I need to do that again. I have been concentrating on healing and have neglected my self image to the point it is getting bad again. I will start working on that tonight. I will join a group. I will be successful at this weight loss thing if it takes me forever. I CAN DO THIS!
Its later in the day and I have just had a terrible day. I feel like my lungs have gotten inhalation damage from the chlorine. I feel sick and have been coughing and hacking all night. I also am exhausted. I don't feel like I had gotten in that bad of shape. I think since they can't open up the doors of the pool you just sit here inhaling that chlorine vabor which is toxic. My lungs feel like I was in a fire. I decided to look on the internet to see if there was anything about the effects of chlorine on lungs and it turns out it is worse then smoking over time. They say someone who swims in a chlorinated pool will have worse lungs then a smoker who never swims. This is bad. Here I had this great workout but have been sick and feeling like death warmed over ever since. I think it affected me so much because it is closed in. That may explain why I had so much trouble with my oxygen sats after surgery. I was surprised I couldn't keep my oxygen level up and had to wear oxygen all night. I am going to print this stuff out and give it to the gym I go to. There are other things you can use in the pool that don't poison the customers. I go there to get healthy, not get poisoned!
I see my counter started all over again. #$<DE%^)@ I believe I was just about ready to hit 2000 again.