Blew It

All those who suffer in the world do so because of their desire for their own happiness. All those happy in the world are so because of their desire for the happiness of others.

-Bodhicaryavatara

   Death of good intentions 

 Well it all started out well yesterday.  I had my usual phase 1 breakfast.  After the search for yesterdays supper decided to go to phase 2.  Had a bowl of bean and beef soup for lunch and we went shopping.  I got a bunch of wheat and whole grain pasta, dry black beans, chickpeas, and soup makings plus veggies.  I also got SF puddings.  So far not bad.  We didn't make it to the gym, that was the first bad thing.  For supper we had spaghetti.  I used organic wheat spaghetti noodles and Newman's Own sauce which my husband added very lean hamburger and Italian sausage, another poor choice and then after we ate I checked the sauce so I could write it down and it has 11 g of sugar.  Yikes.  Didn't even check that at the store.   I did measure out the spagetti and I had a large salad with balsamic dressing, but I had a glass of dark red wine.  That is allowed on  Phase 2.  Then  I had SF pudding.  So supper was way to high in sugar.  For a snack I had popcorn.  I hadn't had any for a long time.  Missed it and ate to much.  I added up my calories and they were 1550 but the sugar was too high.

   I think popcorn is a big problem for me and I have to give it up or get the 100 calorie size.  Also I made the pudding with 1% as that is what I have on hand right now and I will make it with no fat from now on.  Today we have to eat some left-overs.  I have alot of soup left and we have the cabbage rolls which haven't gotten eaten yet.  I should freeze the rest of the spaghetti sauce.  I feel already like I have put on a pound around the middle.  It goes on 5 times faster then it comes off.

   I will have veggie quiches for breakfast and turkey bacon.  I bought some 6 grain English muffins yesterday so I will have a half of one of those.  Then I am going to the gym.  I really have not gone near enough.  I need to get up, do breakfast and go.  I don't like going in the afternoon as it really messes up the whole day as far as making supper and I am more apt to make something quick and easy.  I still haven't gotten a cookbook.  Every time I bid on one on ebay I get out bid.  I am so cheap.  I need more recipes to cook for phase 2.

   Where is my head these days.  On the one hand I am so happy and proud to be losing weight and on the other hand I am so mad that I have to watch myself and do this big pity party that I can't have the things I like.  I am a little old for this type of mind game.  There is a hypnotist town I am thinking of going to.  He has a good reputation and it would help to keep me focused.

  Just got back from the gym and out of the shower.  Had an absolutely wonderful workout.   I really pushed myself today.  On the treadmill I am doing walking flat and gradually increasing the incline every 15 sec and then down every 15 sec.  I read that was the best workout and my speed varies from 3.2 to 3.6.  I got the incline up to 15 which is max.   Gasping and sweating up a storm I held it there for 4 minutes and then slowly came down again.  I did that for 40 minutes. I see some people on the treadmill just walking away or on other machines.  Hair perfectly in place.  No sweat.  They are reading magazines or talking on the cell phone.  Boy not me.  I look a mess,  hair dripping wet, gasping for air.  I have heard though that if you can talk on the phone or read a book your not working out hard enough.  Since the majority of them are thin and have the types of body I could only dream of I guess that is all they have to do to maintain that type of body.  Once you get into the type of shape I am in you haveto really suffer to get in any type of shape at all.  I work 50 times harder and will never, never, never look like that.  Then I did the weight circuits and really gave it my all.  My shoulder is still causing me major problems so the trainer showed me some exercises that would work on my inner thighs and upper chest without hurting my shoulder more.  She says one mistake everyone does is trying to show off on how much weight they can lift and they end up hurting themselves.  Less weight, more reps until the reps are so easy you can't feel them, then increase but in small amounts.  I knew that but am guilty of trying to get to where I was before surgery to quickly, thus the sore shoulder.  Anyway, 45 minutes on the weights and then I walked a mile on the track.  It takes me about 1 min. 15 sec to get around the track.  I think that is pretty good for an old fat lady.  The competitive person in me doesn't always remember that though and when some 20 year old 5"9" young lady flew by me at a good clip I felt the need to increase my speed.  By God, some young squirt isn't going to make me look bad.  Gasping and heaving I kept it up for 2 laps before common sense, and a look at myself in the mirror, got the better of me and I slowed down.  I don't know what I was trying to prove.  That I'm not 51 and 60 pounds overweight!  Than I finished up with my stretches.  I am going to bring a baggy so the next time I injure a muscle I can ice it right away.  Anyway I feel good, strong, healthy.

   I heated up the soup I made the other day.  I used a bag of mixed hard beans.  Very colorful and pretty.  I soaked them all night and then put them in the crock pot with onion, celery, cut of lean beef, some low salt beef bouillon, and different herbs and cooked them for 9 hours.  They had a great taste but the beans are still really firm.  I am not sure why.  They are still firm.  Good though and I actually like them that way.