Sunday, February 19, 2006

Fell off the Wagon

than if there were thousands
of meaningless words is
that on hearing
brings peace.

-Dhammapada, 8, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

     Like an alcoholic all it took was one little slip and I crash.  I thought I was doing well yesterday.  My husband made 4 grain hot cereal which was so good as it was way below zero yesterday.  Then when I started writing down the calories I found out a serving size is only 1/4 a cup!  I ate a cup of it like I would a dry cereal.  Plus I had a 7 grain English muffin. For lunch I had a bowl of the bean and beef soup I made.  I am not sure of the calories in it, but I don't think it is bad.  We didn't make it to the gym and I spent yesterday getting the old costume jewelry ready to post in my shop.  My husband was craving pizza and I admit I wanted it also, so we got a combo and I ate way to much.  Sigh. 

  I probably had 4000 calories yesterday.  The whole time I was eating I was asking myself why, why, why.  So today is going to be better to make up for it.

    I have black bean soup cooking in the crock pot.  We will have that for supper along with fajitas.  I have whole wheat tortilla shells, but may eat just the filling.  I also am going to the gym shortly.  My hip and shoulder has been really bothering me. I am not sure if it is from the treadmill or the weight machine.  I have been favoring the shoulder when I lift weights but the hip is new.  When I had my dextra scan my right hip was bad, that is the one that is bothering me now.  I expected improvement, not pain with all this exercise.  It never bothered me before.  I have been putting the incline up to 15 at times and that may be too much for me.

   Mind games.  My mother died at 52. She was only 52 for 13 days before she died and mothers day was the last time that I saw her normal before she got encephalitis.  My father died young as did my grandparents.  When I hit 50 I started feelinglike my time was almost up as you see that plays a huge roll in how long you will live.  We see people having a heart attack even if they are thin and active without any of the risk factors if they have a strong family history of it.  Women get breast cancer with a strong family history.  No one in my family dies of the same thing, but we do all die fairly young.  I started to feel a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to deny myself the foods I like because I was going to die soon anyway.  I told people I was in my twilight years and I believed it. I still have a problem with feeling that way.  The weird thing is I like the healthier foods I have been eating.  They all taste great.  It is more effort to make them, but I like them.  It is expensive and that gets hard on my income.  Anyway, I need to stop feeling my death is imminent.  With good nutrition and taking care of myself I could live for decades.  If I do I want it to be good decades, healthy in mind and body.  If I don't that's Karma.  But I can't let this fear dictate my life anymore.

   We made it to the gym and had another great workout.  I did 4 miles today on the  treadmill.  I also did my weight training.  I pampered my shoulder so its not as sore tonight.  Then when I got home I had a call from a friend who wants me to do a sale for her.  She has some great fostoria glass which should do well and some wonderful china.  I wish she had gotten ahold of me 3 weeks ago as this is going to take awhile to get them all photo'ed and listed not to mention packed and shipped when I sale them.  Her husband is very ill with terminal cancer so I am cutting my commission down for her.  She has had a bad year.


Black Bean Soup

1 1/2 c black beans 6 cups water

2 tbsps extra virgin olive oil 1 onion

3 cloves garlic, minced 1 rib celery

ground black pepper 1 tsp celery seeds

juice of 1 1/2 lemon 1 lemon sliced thin for garnish

celery leaves for garnish.

Soak beans overnight, drain and add 6 cups water to the bowl.

Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onion, garlic, & celery and cook, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes or until tender. Add the beans and water and bring to a boil, reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for 2 hours or until the beans are tender.

Remove half of the beans to a food processor or blender and prcess to puree, adding the liguid from the soup to cover. Add the black pepper to taste and the celery seeds. Return to pureed beans to the pot and heat, stirring until the soup thickens. Stir in the lemon juice.

Ladle into 6 serving bowls and garnish with the sliced lemon and celery leaves.


230 calories, 5 g fat, 1 g satruated fat, 11 g protein, 35 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 0 mg chole. 15 mg sodium

   This soup turned out very good but I am going to add less water or more beans next time.


dacarson893 said...

{{{{JULIE}}}}  I'm sorry you have been thinking lately about your own mortality.  I can certainly understand how you were at a point where it was like, "Why bother" for eating healthy foods and taking care of yourself.  

When I first started LAWL, I went through and calculated all the cals etc for each serving of each food on the list.  I figured that if I wanted to have a lower calorie day, I could make my choices accordingly.  One thing I learned through doing this, was that my average starches were below 100 calories and approximately 12 to 20 grams of carbs per serving.  Perhaps twice each week or so I will have a Thomas' Light Whole wheat English muffin for 100 calories with 25 grams of carbs.  Maybe if you take a look at your food journals for when you were very consistently losing weight, and look up all the nutritional info ( you will be able to see the average number of carb grams you were consuming each day and that will help you make decisions about foods like the hot cereal.  The serving size on the package may be a mere 1/4 c but if you go by your own average, you may be able to have 1/2 c or 3/4 c.

Just a thought.  =)

Also, you can go to and look up the individual items in a recipe you are preparing.  Then you click "add to my pantry."  When you have all the items, you make sure that the amount of each item reads what it should, then click "analyze recipe."  It will create a nutritional data label specific to your recipe.  It's really a neat website.


newsworthy822 said...

Hi there! I just found your journal. I  know how it feels to fall off the wagon, it sucks..but there's always a new day to start over, and it sounds like you are doing the right things to get back on track.