Water Aerobics

                                            

Today was my first day back at water aerobics.  I really missed it.  I only did 1 1/2 hours because I forgot how much bouncing around you do and that much bouncing is still painful on my breasts.  Swimsuits don't offer much support.  It was still great though and the first hour we had a new instructor that really worked us.  I ache all over but its a good sore.  I feel like we used every muscle group.   Thats what I like about this class.  You work all your muscles and get a cardio workout.  I saw some covert glances at my chest but nobody actually asked about it.  One lady asked me how much more weight I have lost since she says I am so much thinner.  I am in a size 18 swimsuit which is much smaller then the 24 I started out in. 

   I was talking to one of the ladies there who had lost quite abit of weight on LA weight loss.  She said she has gained it all back.  We talked about why we faulter as I have been lately not as dedicated and she just quit.  We don't really know.  We both like feeling better, looking better, eating better but the constantly thinking about what to fix and how to fix it and what to eat eventually wears you out.  I would do good if someone would fix all my meals and snacks.  I probably would do good on that one that delivers all your meals if I were rich enough.  For this reason alone I have been thinking about joining overeaters or TOPS.  Something where I have to physically go and weight in once a week.  I am competitive and know I would not want to go heavier.  I love my on line support group but it is too easy to just not post if I am struggling.  I don't want to make anyone else stumble. 

    I weighed in today and am up a pound and 1/2.  Isn't it funny I can feel that pound also in the way my pants fit.  My legs are swollen which is a direct result of some of my poor choices in food.  I also am eating to much at a sitting again and need to start measuring food out again.  My biggest problem is I never seem to feel full.  I can drink 10 glasses of water before supper and still don't feel like I have had enough on the proper portions of foods.  Sigh.  This is such an on-going struggle.  I go along so well so long and then have to struggle for awhile and re-evaluate my goals all over.  I have to get out my fat pictures to remind myself of how far I have come because I look in the mirror and see no change.  I even feel too big in the breasts again and had to look at my before pictures to remind myself.  I keep thinking the mirror doesn't lie, but my memories must.  I realize this is not an unusual problem.  Heavy people always think they look heavy even when they have lost twice as much as me.  Oh not all the time but you catch yourself feeling too fat to do this and too fat to do that.  Mind games.

   My meditations lately have not been about helping my self image.  I need to do that again.  I have been concentrating on healing and have neglected my self image to the point it is getting bad again.  I will start working on that tonight.  I will join a group.  I will be successful at this weight loss thing if it takes me forever.  I CAN DO THIS!      

   Its later in the day and I have just had a terrible day.  I feel like my lungs have gotten inhalation damage from the chlorine.  I feel sick and have been coughing and hacking all night.  I also am exhausted.  I don't feel like I had gotten in that bad of shape.  I think since they can't open up the doors of the pool you just sit here inhaling that chlorine vabor which is toxic.  My lungs feel like I was in a fire.  I decided to look on the internet to see if there was anything about the effects of chlorine on lungs and it turns out it is worse then smoking over time.  They say someone who swims in a chlorinated pool will have worse lungs then a smoker who never swims.  This is bad.  Here I had this great workout but have been sick and feeling like death warmed over ever since.  I think it affected me so much because it is closed in.  That may explain why I had so much trouble with my oxygen sats after surgery.  I was surprised I couldn't keep my oxygen level up and had to wear oxygen all night.  I am going to print this stuff out and give it to the gym I go to.  There are other things you can use in the pool that don't poison the customers.  I go there to get healthy, not get poisoned!

  I see my counter started all over again.  #$<DE%^)@  I believe I was just about ready to hit 2000 again.

Great day

    We had a wonderful workout at the gym today.  I am slowly increasing my treadmill workout.  I read a study that said treadmill and the C3 rowing machine was the best overall workout.  Great, I like them the best.  Epilitical or whatever or however it is spelled is way down there because you don't work all your muscles.  I feel better about not using them.  I go to water aerobics tomorrow and can't wait.  I have really missed it.

   I was pretty busy today.  I have sold alot of the dishes and some jewelry overnight and have lots of questions on other items.  I am upset that an auction that is coming up is one I will miss because I have to work.  Lots of great pottery and some older fenton glass.  I am going to see if someone will trade me working day.  This is an auction that I don't want to miss.  One that if I spend 200 I could make 600 easily.

  I have been eating good today.  Shredded wheat for breakfast, large salad with water packed tuna and balsamic dressing,  brats for supper and another large salad.  Yum.  I have drank the water I was suppose to also.  I had a couple multigrain cakes also.  I don't care, I like them and they are a nice snack.

    I got a great original picture today,  Big and beautiful.

Back to my Plan

   Well I finally got most of my items listed.  Wow is that time consuming.  I am glad it is done, now to just sell it.

   I started today to eat on my old plan again.  It worked for me.  I had shredded wheat with whey low sugar sub and no fat milk for breakfast, unsalted peanuts for snack.  I made Amy's organic Lentil soup for lunch and had 1 cup of it.  For my dessert I had a black raspberry low fat ice cream bar for only 90 calories.  We are grilling tonight and I am not sure what we will end up with.  I have to see what looks good.  I would love a steak but will see what the cost is.  I think we will have sweet potatoes also and some steamed veggie. 

  I have been so busy I haven't been to the gym for days so we are going tomorrow and I will do water aerobics Tuesday.  I feel so much more relaxed doing this the way I have been.  I really liked South beaches recipes and will continue to use them but I don't want to get that stressed about eating right.  I think all food should be allowed occasionally and am uncomfortable with any plan that bans them forever.  I like an occasional potato and don't feel like they are bad for me.  I do better counting calories.  So that is what I will do.  I also am finally drinking my water today.

   One set of dishes I listed sold within 20 minutes of hitting the store.  I wasn't sure if I was charging enough and must not have been as quickly as they were snatched up.  Oh well, the customer will be happy I sold them, the buyer will be happy they got them cheap, and I'll accept my tiny commission.

Busy, Busy

   I am going to be working all day again on getting my consignment china listed.  Yesterday I had a class for 3 hours and then went out with some friends from work.  My eating was horrible.  I am going to do better all weekend.  I have really been blowing it all week.  Just can't get in the groove again.  I need to get a cookbook and plan meals for the entire week.  Rick is going to cook them.  I have been insistant and he will.  I can not believe how hard it is to find one of those cookbooks in this town.  We have looked at every walmart.  I have checked used book stores, they don't even have the one I want at Barnes and Noble.  I keep getting outbid on ebay because I am gone when the sale ends.  Sigh.

    It is so weird.  I am so happy I am losing weight and looking better.  You would think it would keep me on the straight and narrow with my efforts but I have been cheating right and left this week.  I think because I have been so busy it is just easier to grab something rather then plan it out.  My check was late so I don't have any healthy snacks hanging around and I have to make some quiches again so I have something easy to heat for breakfast as I run out the door.  My water has also been terrible as when I am running around so much I hate to drink alot of water as it goes right through me.  Since my bladder surgeries when I have to go I have to go.

Body Image

  I wore my size 16 uniform pants last night and my v neck smaller top.  These were clothes I couldn't get into anymore last year.  They fit well, in fact the top is getting to big.  You lose weight so slowly, at least I do, I can convince myself I am still as huge as I have always been.  FAT, FAT, FAT!  I have gone from a 24 to a size 16 and I still feel so fat.  My co-workers noticed though.  They hadn't seen me in 6 weeks.  I had so many compliments,not just because my bust was smaller but because I am smaller all over.

   I had huge saddle bags.  You all know what fat ladies butts look like.  I hated mine.  Well now, although big my butt is tapered.  Waist going wider to butt and then to legs.  Used to be waist going to huge fat pads down to buttocks and then to legs.  It is hard to describe but if you're heavy you know what I mean.

   I went out today to mail my packages from my sales and wore my black pants.  Last month I was so thrilled that I could squeeze into them.  Now I am thinking they are too loose!  I don't think  have lost so much more weight but with my weight lifting and exercise I am sculpturing my body into a more feminine shape.  I like it.  I have so much farther to go but I am getting looks again.  You all know what looks I am talking about.  I am 51 years old and I am getting looks again.  It feels good.

   I have been really busy.  Not only do I have this big sale I have 3 referral sales that I will work on this weekend.  It is alot of work,  not the kind of money I get from nursing, but I love it.  I love old jewelry, glass, pottery and china.  This is fun.  I like making my customers money, I like making money and I like being this busy.   There is such a thrill to buying a treasure only you know what it is worth and re-selling it for 100% or more profit.  fun.

    I am off until next Thursday.  I plan on cooking south beach all week.

Help me get my store up on top of list

   I have my store listed in a place that if you click on the link below it moves my stores name up in the listing.  Doesn't cost you anything, just click to the site and exit again if you want.  So please do me a favor and click away, daily if you want.

http://www.listmystore.com/cgi-bin/links/in.cgi?id=2223

  I just maintained today.  Work was just the same.  My back is burning but I think it is because of the weight lifting.  I have to watch that.  Since everyone is on a diet at work now it was easy maintaining.  I brought a salad and black bean soup.

Back to work tonight

   I see the doctor today and then work tonight.  Whaaaaa.  I wish I had won the lottery.  I have enjoyed the life of leisure and could happily stay home everyday.  Now I see why my husband does it.  The problem is one of us has to earn a living.  Sigh.

   I spend all day yesterday getting my consignment sale going.  I had to go get the items, take pictures and list them. So far I just have the first set of china and the fostoria listed.  That took me an entire day.  I ate crappy yesterday.  No lunch and then when I finally go home Rick made chicken and noodles using wheat noodles.  That was good.  Bad habits though, no veggie at all yesterday.  I have to make up for it today.  It will be rough at work tonight.  I am not used to staying up all night.  I have been forcing myself to stay awake until after midnight but I can't seem to sleep past 7.  By the time I get to bed the next time I will have been up at least 25 hours.  I only have to work today and tomorrow and then I will be off  until next Thursday.  I am going to try and pick up an extra day each pay period.  I will need it to pay off this hospital bill.

   Well, I have to get ready for the doctors.  I am going to eat on plan.  Danielle, if you find that cookbook cheap let me know.

   I am official released to return to work and the good news is I can start my water aerobics again.  I think I will go to Fridays class.  I have really missed it.  I finally got up the courage to weight today and see what my lapse has cost me.  Thankfully no gain.  No loss but I am back on plan and will see if I can change that.  I have some black bean soup for work tonight along with a large salad with tuna.  I bought some veggie chips that are new in the store.  Low fat, low sodium, low carbs, no sugar.  Good oils.  Interesting.  They will probably taste like crap!

   Well I have to list more items.  I still haven't got most of the jewelry listed plus I have a whole basement of pottery I need to get listed.  Now that I am feeling up to doing to this I am back to work.  Oh well, one boxat a time. Check out my store.  I have been lax about adding things but slowly will get there.

http://stores.ebay.com/Julias-Midwest-Vintage_W0QQssPageNameZl2QQtZkm

Fell off the Wagon

  Better
than if there were thousands
of meaningless words is
one
meaningful
word
that on hearing
brings peace.

-Dhammapada, 8, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

     Like an alcoholic all it took was one little slip and I crash.  I thought I was doing well yesterday.  My husband made 4 grain hot cereal which was so good as it was way below zero yesterday.  Then when I started writing down the calories I found out a serving size is only 1/4 a cup!  I ate a cup of it like I would a dry cereal.  Plus I had a 7 grain English muffin. For lunch I had a bowl of the bean and beef soup I made.  I am not sure of the calories in it, but I don't think it is bad.  We didn't make it to the gym and I spent yesterday getting the old costume jewelry ready to post in my shop.  My husband was craving pizza and I admit I wanted it also, so we got a combo and I ate way to much.  Sigh. 

  I probably had 4000 calories yesterday.  The whole time I was eating I was asking myself why, why, why.  So today is going to be better to make up for it.

    I have black bean soup cooking in the crock pot.  We will have that for supper along with fajitas.  I have whole wheat tortilla shells, but may eat just the filling.  I also am going to the gym shortly.  My hip and shoulder has been really bothering me. I am not sure if it is from the treadmill or the weight machine.  I have been favoring the shoulder when I lift weights but the hip is new.  When I had my dextra scan my right hip was bad, that is the one that is bothering me now.  I expected improvement, not pain with all this exercise.  It never bothered me before.  I have been putting the incline up to 15 at times and that may be too much for me.

   Mind games.  My mother died at 52. She was only 52 for 13 days before she died and mothers day was the last time that I saw her normal before she got encephalitis.  My father died young as did my grandparents.  When I hit 50 I started feelinglike my time was almost up as you see that plays a huge roll in how long you will live.  We see people having a heart attack even if they are thin and active without any of the risk factors if they have a strong family history of it.  Women get breast cancer with a strong family history.  No one in my family dies of the same thing, but we do all die fairly young.  I started to feel a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to deny myself the foods I like because I was going to die soon anyway.  I told people I was in my twilight years and I believed it. I still have a problem with feeling that way.  The weird thing is I like the healthier foods I have been eating.  They all taste great.  It is more effort to make them, but I like them.  It is expensive and that gets hard on my income.  Anyway, I need to stop feeling my death is imminent.  With good nutrition and taking care of myself I could live for decades.  If I do I want it to be good decades, healthy in mind and body.  If I don't that's Karma.  But I can't let this fear dictate my life anymore.

   We made it to the gym and had another great workout.  I did 4 miles today on the  treadmill.  I also did my weight training.  I pampered my shoulder so its not as sore tonight.  Then when I got home I had a call from a friend who wants me to do a sale for her.  She has some great fostoria glass which should do well and some wonderful china.  I wish she had gotten ahold of me 3 weeks ago as this is going to take awhile to get them all photo'ed and listed not to mention packed and shipped when I sale them.  Her husband is very ill with terminal cancer so I am cutting my commission down for her.  She has had a bad year.

 

Black Bean Soup

1 1/2 c black beans 6 cups water

2 tbsps extra virgin olive oil 1 onion

3 cloves garlic, minced 1 rib celery

ground black pepper 1 tsp celery seeds

juice of 1 1/2 lemon 1 lemon sliced thin for garnish

celery leaves for garnish.

Soak beans overnight, drain and add 6 cups water to the bowl.

Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onion, garlic, & celery and cook, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes or until tender. Add the beans and water and bring to a boil, reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for 2 hours or until the beans are tender.

Remove half of the beans to a food processor or blender and prcess to puree, adding the liguid from the soup to cover. Add the black pepper to taste and the celery seeds. Return to pureed beans to the pot and heat, stirring until the soup thickens. Stir in the lemon juice.

Ladle into 6 serving bowls and garnish with the sliced lemon and celery leaves.

 

230 calories, 5 g fat, 1 g satruated fat, 11 g protein, 35 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 0 mg chole. 15 mg sodium

   This soup turned out very good but I am going to add less water or more beans next time.

Blew It

All those who suffer in the world do so because of their desire for their own happiness. All those happy in the world are so because of their desire for the happiness of others.

-Bodhicaryavatara

   Death of good intentions 

 Well it all started out well yesterday.  I had my usual phase 1 breakfast.  After the search for yesterdays supper decided to go to phase 2.  Had a bowl of bean and beef soup for lunch and we went shopping.  I got a bunch of wheat and whole grain pasta, dry black beans, chickpeas, and soup makings plus veggies.  I also got SF puddings.  So far not bad.  We didn't make it to the gym, that was the first bad thing.  For supper we had spaghetti.  I used organic wheat spaghetti noodles and Newman's Own sauce which my husband added very lean hamburger and Italian sausage, another poor choice and then after we ate I checked the sauce so I could write it down and it has 11 g of sugar.  Yikes.  Didn't even check that at the store.   I did measure out the spagetti and I had a large salad with balsamic dressing, but I had a glass of dark red wine.  That is allowed on  Phase 2.  Then  I had SF pudding.  So supper was way to high in sugar.  For a snack I had popcorn.  I hadn't had any for a long time.  Missed it and ate to much.  I added up my calories and they were 1550 but the sugar was too high.

   I think popcorn is a big problem for me and I have to give it up or get the 100 calorie size.  Also I made the pudding with 1% as that is what I have on hand right now and I will make it with no fat from now on.  Today we have to eat some left-overs.  I have alot of soup left and we have the cabbage rolls which haven't gotten eaten yet.  I should freeze the rest of the spaghetti sauce.  I feel already like I have put on a pound around the middle.  It goes on 5 times faster then it comes off.

   I will have veggie quiches for breakfast and turkey bacon.  I bought some 6 grain English muffins yesterday so I will have a half of one of those.  Then I am going to the gym.  I really have not gone near enough.  I need to get up, do breakfast and go.  I don't like going in the afternoon as it really messes up the whole day as far as making supper and I am more apt to make something quick and easy.  I still haven't gotten a cookbook.  Every time I bid on one on ebay I get out bid.  I am so cheap.  I need more recipes to cook for phase 2.

   Where is my head these days.  On the one hand I am so happy and proud to be losing weight and on the other hand I am so mad that I have to watch myself and do this big pity party that I can't have the things I like.  I am a little old for this type of mind game.  There is a hypnotist town I am thinking of going to.  He has a good reputation and it would help to keep me focused.

  Just got back from the gym and out of the shower.  Had an absolutely wonderful workout.   I really pushed myself today.  On the treadmill I am doing walking flat and gradually increasing the incline every 15 sec and then down every 15 sec.  I read that was the best workout and my speed varies from 3.2 to 3.6.  I got the incline up to 15 which is max.   Gasping and sweating up a storm I held it there for 4 minutes and then slowly came down again.  I did that for 40 minutes. I see some people on the treadmill just walking away or on other machines.  Hair perfectly in place.  No sweat.  They are reading magazines or talking on the cell phone.  Boy not me.  I look a mess,  hair dripping wet, gasping for air.  I have heard though that if you can talk on the phone or read a book your not working out hard enough.  Since the majority of them are thin and have the types of body I could only dream of I guess that is all they have to do to maintain that type of body.  Once you get into the type of shape I am in you haveto really suffer to get in any type of shape at all.  I work 50 times harder and will never, never, never look like that.  Then I did the weight circuits and really gave it my all.  My shoulder is still causing me major problems so the trainer showed me some exercises that would work on my inner thighs and upper chest without hurting my shoulder more.  She says one mistake everyone does is trying to show off on how much weight they can lift and they end up hurting themselves.  Less weight, more reps until the reps are so easy you can't feel them, then increase but in small amounts.  I knew that but am guilty of trying to get to where I was before surgery to quickly, thus the sore shoulder.  Anyway, 45 minutes on the weights and then I walked a mile on the track.  It takes me about 1 min. 15 sec to get around the track.  I think that is pretty good for an old fat lady.  The competitive person in me doesn't always remember that though and when some 20 year old 5"9" young lady flew by me at a good clip I felt the need to increase my speed.  By God, some young squirt isn't going to make me look bad.  Gasping and heaving I kept it up for 2 laps before common sense, and a look at myself in the mirror, got the better of me and I slowed down.  I don't know what I was trying to prove.  That I'm not 51 and 60 pounds overweight!  Than I finished up with my stretches.  I am going to bring a baggy so the next time I injure a muscle I can ice it right away.  Anyway I feel good, strong, healthy.

   I heated up the soup I made the other day.  I used a bag of mixed hard beans.  Very colorful and pretty.  I soaked them all night and then put them in the crock pot with onion, celery, cut of lean beef, some low salt beef bouillon, and different herbs and cooked them for 9 hours.  They had a great taste but the beans are still really firm.  I am not sure why.  They are still firm.  Good though and I actually like them that way.

Phase 2 early

  I am moving to Phase 2 early.  It is so upsetting to plan meals.  Everything my husband wants has rice or noodles and I am going nuts.  I haven't had any real cravings, but really am not happy doing this plan.  I think it is a good plan it is just causing me the same type of stress that always caused me to fail in the past.  My husband will make anything I tell him, but isn't really trying to find anything to cook that would be on my plan.  He bought cabbage rolls for tonight.  Pre-made by Hy Vee I have no idea what is in them.  He thought it would be good,  after all it has cabbage around it.  Does it have white rice or bread inside it also?  So then he said," well how about a veggie pizza since you have to eat so many veggies".  The thing is he really thinks he is trying.  Of course I can't get him to read the book or go through the recipes picking something out to cook.

    I will try phase 2 which is really close to how I was eating.  I will not have my ramen noodles, rice cakes and fruit cups.  We will switch to wheat noodles which I like and I will not go crazy with my husbands meal choices.  I will just eat small amounts and have lots of salad.  Why couldn't I be one of the lucky people who can eat like horses and not gain weight!  Now I am off to meditate,  then workout, go to the bank, store, and make who knows what for supper.

Snow

         

 Woke up this morning to a winter wonderland.  Darn.  Don't get me wrong, it's so pretty but it's cold, when it melts when you live on a gravel road it's muddy.  Did I mention it is cold!  2 days ago I had my light jacket on.  Now it is back to my winter jacket.

  Yesterday.  I had a billiant idea.  Lets go to all flea markets in town and I can get the cookbook at one of them.  We hit 3 flea markets and 2 goodwells.  I got 2 sweaters and a nice peice of Floraline McCoy pottery for a dollar!  Now isn't this a lovely piece.  Look at the glazing and this has a heft to it common of McCoy.  Warm earth colors this is just pretty.  Love good pottery and very affordable.  The floraline is starting to become more collectable I thinkb because of its nice crisp lines and heavy glazing. What is great is that you can still pick it up for a reasonable price.

    I am trying to think of what to make for supper tonight.  With the snow a chili sounds really good to me but when I mentioned it to my husband I didn't get much feedback so I am not sure.  I have fish and ground turkey on hand so my choices are limited.  He also bought some cabbage rolls but I am not sure what is in them. I am afraid it is white rice.  He could eat it with Dan and I'll have more soup.  For some reason my soup, while good, was weird.  I soaked the beans all night and then cooked them on low in the crock pot for 9 hours and they were firm.  Not hard, just firm.  Weird.  The soup was good though and very pretty.  I blew it last night and had a cookie.  I am getting tired of the same things for snacks and with my income right now it is limited what I can make.  I tried the ricotta dessert and it was gaggy.  Does anyone really like it?  I might try the peanut butter cookies.  I can limit myself to one without any problems.

Time flys

       

The week is just flying by.  I think it's because I know it will be my last week off before I start work.  I did arrange it so that the night I go back will be my short week,  just Tuesday and Wednesday and then off again until next week on Thursday.  I should be fine.  I need to be making some money and if truth be told I could probably go back tomorrow but I don't want to.  My incisions are finally completely closed.  I am still spitting some stitches but otherwise I am doing well. 

   We ended up not going downtown yesterday.  I just didn't feel like it after supper because of this darn cold and Rick is coming down with it also.  Watched a movie and had a very hard time staying awake. That will have to change because soon I will be working 12 hour nights.  I need to stay awake later and sleep later then 6 am.

   We had the parmesan crusted fish last night.  The fish fell apart and the cheese fell off and it was still really good.  I think we needed a firmer fish as I used Pollack.  I had brussels sprouts again, getting stuck in a rut and can't wait until Dan works his new shift as we will have more obtions.  Fussy kid.  Today I am making bean soup.  I couldn't find a recipe for the mixed beans I had so am making something up and hope it turns out OK.  My mother in law is great at soups and can make leftovers taste great.  I think I throw too many things in.  I have to really limit the salt and she uses a ton.  Hopefully it will taste good.

    Today is weigh in for the 100+ board.  I am still just down the 2 pounds, plus 4 oz but I won't count that.  I have lost 7 on SB 1 and am thinking that since I am no longer dropping it off so fast it is time for phase 2.  I am not having any cravings, but really never have had.  Just crankiness.  I want to go out on Friday to listen to live Jazz and maybe share a bottle of wine.  I tried to drink a bottle of  Boulevard Pale Ale last night and it tasted awful.  Now that really upsets me.  I had no intention of giving up my occasional beers and didn't find out until I was committed to the plan that sometimes beer isn't tolerated and doesn't taste good anymore.  Wine gives me a headache and although I like it I don't like headaches.  I will have to see what I can drink.

   My granddaughter called last night and they put us on the speaker phone so we could hear her open her presents.  She loved everything we gave her and I could have cried that I couldn't watch her in person.  If it was just me I would be moving.  Could never get Rick to move.

Parmesan Crusted Fish (all phases)

This recipe works best with thin, firm fillets, such as halibut, red snapper, catfish, orange roughy, etc. (I used Tilapia fillets and they were excellent). The fish is coated with seasoned Parmesan cheese and quickly sauteed. The cheese forms a delicate crust which compliments the fish in both flavor and texture. If small fillets are not available, use larger ones and cut them into smaller pieces.

1 egg
1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic (I used one clove, crushed or sprinkles of garlic powder)
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 pounds fish fillets
3/4 to 1 cup Parmesan, grated (I used Kraft 100% that comes in a plastic container)
1 tablespoon canola oil (can cut down on oil if making less fish)
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons chopped parsley (optional)
1 lemon, cut into wedges (optional)

Beat the egg lightly with the garlic and pepper.
Coat the fish fillets with the beaten egg, draining off excess.
Roll the fillets in the Parmesan to coat. Let sit 5 minutes before cooking.

Heat the oils in a large skillet (I recommend a non-stick pan) and I only use olive oil) over medium-high heat until hot but not smoking. Add the fillets and cook until browned on one side, about 2 minutes. Turn the fillets over and brown the other side. Sprinkle with parsley and serve with lemon wedges.

Valentines Day

                 

      Happy Valentines Day

              I'm on a 45 day diet, so far I have lost 30 days!

    It is also my granddaughters birthday today.  She is 5.  This is the first birthday we haven't been able to share with her since they moved so far away.  I miss them so much.

                        

    Yesterday I cheated and had beer.  Widmers.  Yummy.  I just really felt like one.  Back to the plan today though.

    I have fish for supper tonight and will have to find a great recipe for it.  Last night we grilled lean pork  and I had a huge pile of brocolli and V8.  My cold is still dragging me down.  I have gone through a box of tissue and show no signs of drying up. 

    Tonight we are going downtown to watch all the lovers.  This is the only time of year you see so many people holding hands.  We like to bet on which couple will hold hands.  Most of them do, cute.  They should do it all year long.  It's good for marriage.

                                  

   I can not believe the coverage over the VP accidentally shooting the lawyer while hunting.  What idiots,  must be a slow news day.  This is why I don't have TV.  They try to make a conspiracy over everything.  This is not news, this was an accident, get on with it.  Can you believe it is worth all these days of news!

Day 7

   Today is day 7.  I haven't lost any weight in a couple of days and am thinking about moving on to phase 2 early.  Quite a few people thought I could probably skip one since I have been eating pretty healthy for so long.  I want to get a feel for phase 2 before Rick is responsible for cooking my meals. 

    I just have a bad feeling he is going to continue to make the things he is comfortable making and heck with the  plan I am on.  He is lazy that way.  He likes trying new recipes and will help me make them, but wouldn't spend the time looking through recipes to find something that sounds good.  If my money situation was better I would buy all the things I need to make the meals while I work so all he would have to do is throw it together. As it is I am having a really hard time affording this with my income cut in half.  It will take me about a month to recover.  I am also not sure how well this work with my night to day switching.  Obviously I am not going to wake up at 4 pm and have a breakfast while they eat something else.  Soon my son is going to 3 to 2 am shifts so I won't have to worry about cooking for him.  That should help alot.  So I think I will go back to my plan but with some of the SB things in place.  Always use wheat noodles, more bean dishes, I don't usually use sugar or white flour so that won't be hard.  Brown rice.  The quiches are good so I will continue to make them and can use them at work for a meal.  I always eat lots of salads since my plan so will continue with that.  It will just cause less strain along the way.  Sometimes I think it would be nice to live alone, I would be lonely though.

   My cold still is dragging me down today but I woke up with blood all over my bra from a scab falling off and my breast is sore.  I want to workout so took some tylenol and if I feel better this afternoon I will go.  I have to go to the hospital to pay my insurance.  That should leave me about $45.00 until Thursday when I get my next check.  I don't want to get into my savings until I really have too.

   I am kicking myself for being to lazy to get some items listed on ebay.  I can still do it this week.  The money will help.

    My wonderful granddaughters 5th birthday is tomorrow.  This is the first birthday she has had that I've missed.  I am so sad they moved.

    My counter is almost at a 1000 again so I suppose it will reset once again.  I tried re-setting it without any luck.  I guess I will just count how many times it has hit 1000 and started over.  I think it is about 5 times now but the first time I believe it was up over 2000 before it went back to zero. Darn AOL

Saturday and I have a cold

                         

 I mentioned earlier that I got some wonderful charms off ebay.  Just perfect for my 50 pounds lost and they even had a perfect one for meditating.  The store name is Charming Concepts and is managed by a single mother who is raising her daughter on the income.  If you like the charm idea and want to start or add to your own bracelet check out her store.  She really has something for everyone and could probably make it for you if you don't see it.

http://stores.ebay.com/Charming-Concepts

   I slept late today until 9:45.  I am really feeling the effects of this cold so will be taking it easy and the only exercise will be blowing my nose.  I had scrambled eggs, 2 turkey bacon and V8 this morning and my coffee.  I know he says only 2 cups but I am a coffee drinking so have had more then that.

   Yesterday my husband had a See's piece of candy, it looked wonderful, a dark chocolate mounds candy bar and then while I was eating my lovely SF jelly a huge bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce and some of my nuts!  Then he says, " All this exercise I have been doing and I haven't lost one pound, in fact I have gained 2".  Funny, the reason is right in front of him.  Fortunately he doesn't get fat.  A little thick around the middle but it goes away overnight if he watches what he eats.

   I feel so crappy I don't even want to eat.  What do you eat when you don't feel good.  No chicken and noodles on SB phase 1, no 7-up, no toast and tea.  The thought of a huge salad for lunch gives me chills.  I do have a lentil soup maybe I'll make.  I hope this darn cold passesquickly.  I am still taking the Cold Snap and won't skip on it now. If I can cut down on the duration of this I will be happy.  It could be worse, I could happen while I was at work the first week.

   I had the left over chicken and a glass of V8 for lunch.  That was all I could stand for now.  Lots of water though.  I have spent the last few hours reading the SB recipe site.  I can't wait until I get the Whey low to try some of the deserts.  I will probably wish I had bought more.  I have to ask them if it is sold in any stores.  They have a peanut butter cookie recipe, phase 1 friendly that sounds really good along with a mock pretzel jello to put on top of their cheesecake recipe.  Yummy.  This is going to be so terribly hard when I start work.  I work 12 hour nights, when will I get my meals prepared to bring to work?  Rick will make the recipes if I insist but he likes to make what he knows.  Wish I could afford a cook.  I will grill up some chicken breasts and make up some chili or stuff.  I should be on phase 2 by then.

         

Better this Morning

                        

        Stepped on the scale this morning and another 2 pounds gone making it 50!  Now I need to buy the charm.  I wanted to see if they could get it at the mall.  If I order it online I have to pay shipping also which will make my charm over 10.  The reason I chose charms was it was inexpensive.  I can't wait till Wed. our weight in day.  I am feeling better today.  Less cracky.  My cold is trying to come back again so I have to hit the Cold Snap which knocked it out the other day, or just made it lay dormant since it is back.

   I went to the gym yesterday.  Even working out is harder.  I don't have the energy which I hear is normal.  I had to force myself to do the 2 hours but I did.  My husband made hamburgers last night and I just had the meat.  We used the leanest meat we could get.  I had green beans with it and V8.  Jello for dessert.  I have a nice meal planned for tonight.  We also went to the store and I tried on 15 bra's and couldn't find one I like or that fit good.  I like the wide straps as I have slopy shoulders and they are hard to find.  I went down a band size with this additional weight loss but the cup sizes vary so much.  I want a good fitting one because now I want the shaping part of my recovery.  I will keep on looking.

   I don't think I will hit the gym today.  I feel pretty crappy right now with this cold.  I will do some sit ups and just chill.

  Breakfast will be veggie quiches and canadian bacon and V8.  Today is day 6, 8 more days to go. 

    We had been planning on going out Valentine's day as we find it funny to go to our favorite bar, pizza place, sit in a window seat and see how many couples are holding hands.  Any other time you see maybe one or two, but on this special day 7 out of 10 couples are holding hands.  We nake bets on which couple will hold hands when they get out of there car.  Sometimes the partner will rip their hand out of their mates.  Not a good sign.   The only thing is it a pizza or chicken bar.  There is nothing SB friendly on the menu.  Not even a salad I could eat as they only serve nacho salads.  I would cave if we go so we will have to miss this year I think.

   Well I bought 2 charms today.  They are perfect.  For my 50 pounds lost I got one that shows a doctors scale and you can have any number of weight loss put on.  I asked her about one for meditating and she had that also plus another really neat charm for losing weight.  I emailed her to see if I could add her link and if it OK it will be on the side under favorite sites.  I will save the meditating one for 60 pounds.

   I have supper cooking.  The cold I have been trying to not get all week is here.  I think I stopped the cold snap too soon.  I used it the first day and I felt good that night so didn't take anymore so now it is really here, chills, fever, running nose.  No loss of appetite though god forbid.   Me be unable to eat!

   My MIL hasn't seen me for 3 days and the first thing she said is your face is getting so skinny.  Nice.  I modeled my swimsuits for my husband.  The small ones I bought now fit and the really pretty one is way to large. Darn.  I also tried on my uniforms.  I haven't done that since surgery and they are huge on me.  Of course they are the same ones I was wearing 50 pounds ago so they were getting pretty big anyway but now since my reduction they look silly.  I can no longer wear my favorite shirt out of the house because I swim in it.  I wear it around here though as it is so warm.

Inner Strength

                                               

                         Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no
fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
Author Unknown       I need to be a dog!

Day 5

   OK I am tired of trying to think of what to eat.  I am tired of doing all the cooking, I am tired of eggs, bacon, lettuce, spinach, V8, and just about every other vegetable I am allowed.  I am tired of spending more time looking in cookbooks for something tasty to eat then working out at the gym.  I am tired of getting up every 2 hours during the night to pee!  I look in the mirror and I have green spinach between my teeth.  Whine, WHINE, WHINE. 

   Ok, all done.  Really getting bored silly with this whole thing, but I said I would do it so I will.  How does anyone make it through this stage?  They must be stronger then me.  What is funny, maybe not since he quit doing any of the cooking, is my husband is now totally behind the diet.  "What gourmet meal are we having tonight dear"?  "We have been eating like royalty all week".  "This is alot tastier then I thought it would be".  Of course he is still getting a nice bread with his meal, candy bars, rice, did I mention pasta?  My son also is very happy about the whole thing.  I sit there every night starving at 7pm and missing my popcorn like a long lost lover.  My husband sits there with his giant snicker bar.  Now that never used to bother me because I have never had much of a sweet tooth, but I almost grabbed it out of his hand and stuffed it in my mouth last night.  Of course I had a lovely bowl of SF peach jello, oh yah, so fulfilling, so tasty, so satisfying AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.  NOW I KNOW WHY I SAID I WOULD NEVER DIET AGAIN.  IT MAKES ME CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

    Gee, this post is deteriorating really fast.  I had better get my positive hat on as Mr. Roberts used to say.  (gag) 

   On the menu this morning.  For you sir, this lovely healthy and thoughtfully cooked spinach omelet with a side of low fat and healthy turkey bacon.  You sir may have a full glass of tasty, sweet, fresh squeezed orange juice to wash it down with.  You my lady may have either a nice glass of water or some yummy no fat milk.  Oh gee, let me think, milk please.  Now for supper what should I have?  Will it be green?  My,( pardon me for grossing anyone out),stools are now green.  I think I have a green tint to my eyes.  I long for beets.  Anyway, huge salad for lunch with grilled southwestern chicken cut up on top.

   Supper, no idea.  I haven't had time yet to look through the cookbook for our next lovely gourmet meal.  I tell you, my husband had better get me a valentine card this year or it could be grounds for murder.

   I am going to get dressed and go to the gym.  I wish they had a punching bag.  Man oh man do I need a long meditation session.

Thurday Morning

                                     

  I was up early because the dog decided to bark at some grass blowing or who knows what outside.  Nothing anyone could see but her.  Tired, tired but I never can go to sleep again when I am up.  I weighed again but no change from yesterday, what was I thinking.   As often as I was up last night and the night before I know most of it is water weight I am losing.  I didn't think I would have much to lose after being on plan for so long. 

  I believe with all diets if you follow them you will lose weight.  The trouble is when you stop the diet if you have not learned how to eat right, it comes back and each time it comes back it is harder to get off, boy do I know that.  So I don't want to South Beach forever.  I haven't looked much at the Phase 3 part, maybe it is close or the same as what I am doing with a little less cheating, lol.   A plan like South beach though is a good way to get my motivation going again.  I was slacking. 

   I don't like how much sodium I am getting on this diet, but also don't think it is accurate what I am writing down.  I put down the info on the nutritional label but with the beans you rinse them getting rid of lots of salt, I use low sodium products when I can and that isn't always taken into consideration when you use a predetermined chart.  I do seem to be right around 1450 daily in phase 1 now that I am doing it correctly.  Your not suppose to count calories, but I am.  I need to make sure I am not getting too low.

    Breakfast today will be 2 veggie quiches, 2 strips of turkey bacon, V8 and 4 oz of no fat milk, Lunch will be left over stir fry chicken from the fajitas, a large salad and some left over cauliflower.  Supper.  I found a recipe for spinach stuffed salmon steaks and I have everything it calls for so I will make that with wild rice for the guys and some type of veggie, plus another large salad.  It is so good I love salads and veggies.  Is it time for phase 2 yet?

    Didn't get to the gym today.  My husband got home late and then wasn't feeling well.  I was going to go and then found out our local pound has a golden retriever in.  The pound doesn't keep them long so I called the rescue and went down to see him.  Lovely big old boy.  I wish my dog was friendlier with other dogs as that big old guy would be coming home with me.  Hopefully the rescue will come get him and give him a chance.  I told them to let me know.  If they can't get him I may go get him anyway and just separate the dogs until they get used to each other.  He could be put down any time.

   Had the salmon today, yummy.  I need to get back to work, money is very tight.  It would help it hubby worked but that is another journal.  My incisions are looking good and I may call the doctor next week and return early.

Wednesday Winter weight loss Weigh in

                       

         

     Today was my weigh in on the 100+ board.  Considering I had gained back 2 pounds since last wednesday,  today I was 5 pounds lighter then I was Sat.  That means I have lost the 2 pounds and another surprising 3 pounds.   I am shocked.  I was just about ready to quit this diet as I miss my multigrains and fruit so much but gee, now it really isn't that bad.  I am at 194 today!  2 more pounds to 50.  Danielle suggested a gold rose which I think is wonderful. It means "absolute achievement."   I have to look back to see exactly what it stand for again but it is perfect.  Thanks so much for the suggestion.

  I am sore today after the gym but not so sore I won't go again today.  I love it.

  Breakfast today, 2 quiche cups, 2 slices turkey bacon and 6 ounces V8.

Lunch, a repeat of yesterday since it was so good

Supper, absolutely wonderful white chili, I got the recipe off the SB board and it was so good.  Even my son raved and he never raves about food.  Yummy, that and a salad and then I get SF jello later.

White Chicken Chili

-2 tablespoons of olive oil
-1 to 1 1/2 pounds of chicken breast, cut into chunks
-1/2 medium onion, chopped
-1 clove of garlic, chopped
-2 cups of chicken broth (16 oz)
-1 can diced green chiles (4 oz)
-2 cans of great northern beans (15.5 oz), drained and rinsed
-1 cup of white button mushrooms, quartered
-1 teaspoon of cilantro, chopped
-2 tablespoons of southwestern seasoning

Heat the oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and cook until lightly browned and no longer pink in the center. Remove the chicken to a plate and set aside. In the same pot add the onion, garlic, and mushrooms. Cook until they are tender but not browned. Stir in the chicken broth, green chiles, beans, cilantro and seasoning. Return the chicken to the pot, cover and simmer for 5 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. Top with shredded mont jack cheese and fat-free sour cream. This is a Phase 1 recipe. Makes 6 servings.

   I am not sure what the serving size is suppose to be but there were only 3 of us and there isn't any left.  My husband and son had 2nds so if you want more for another day double the batch.  Also next time I will use reduced sodium chicken broth or make my own.

DAY 2

              

  Weight today is down a pound.  I don't think it is due to the diet yet, I just bounce so much.  Hopefully tomorrow I will be down another pound so at least I will have a maintain with this weigh in.  

  I have my meal planned out except the dairy.  I guess I will pick up some plain yogurt.  Not my favorite but I did get some good idea's for eating it.  I re-added up my calories yesterday.  I had forgotten to add in the nuts which added quite abit more calories.  Still under 1200 but better.  I increased my breakfast today per suggestion so I had 2 vegetable quiches that I made yesterday.  They turned out really good.  4 pieces of Canadian bacon and 6 ounces of V8 with 1/4 tsp of olive oil in it.

  I have to see the doctor at 10:45 but will take my 20 nuts to snack on or will eat them before  I go.  For lunch I am cutting up some grilled chicken on my salad so will have a salad as mentioned and some steamed broccoli.  Eating this many vegetables will be difficult.  Not because I don't like them but it is a huge amount to eat at one sitting.  For supper  I am making chicken fajitas.  I can eat all the insides, black beans, large salad and more broccoli.  For my midmorning snack I will have another string cheese.  The problem last night was I was still hungry around 8 pm.  I get a snack at night, SF Jello so I will save that till later instead of right after dinner.  They have these deserts you can make with ricotta cheese but I have this thing about artificial sweeteners.  Yik and I don't think they are good for you.  Someone suggested Whey low and it sound goods.  I may order a small amount and see what it tastes like.  I don't use much sugar, never did, so it should last awhile. http://www.wheylow.com/products.htm

   I feel fine today.  This was the first time I used the Cold Snap at the beginning of my cold.  By last night already I felt better.  When I woke up my throat was scratchy, my nose ran, I had a low grade temp and ached all over.  By last night all gone.  Amazing,  I had heard good things about it but this seems to actually work.  Boy am I happy as I hate colds. http://www.ohco.com/cold_snap.html  When I read the description on the site I almost changed my mind but it had been highly recommended and for me it seems to have passed the test.  I found it cheaper then on the web site though.

    I have been visiting this site and learning as much as I can about SB.  http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=2  I also joined all-recipes which is a good site as it give you the recipes for SB, will convert it for you to how many you have to feed, saves it to your recipe box and gives you a grocery list.  All for free. http://allrecipes.com/recipes/default.asp

   I am hoping I get the OK to go to the gym again.  I only have one little spot that is causing me problems now.  I also need to go back to work.  I hope I get good news today.  Well, that's all for now.  Gabby as usual.

    The doctor Ok'ed the gym and I can use some weight for my arms now also.  No work for 2 weeks unless I completely heal up.  Yippy, off to the gym.  I ate a huge salad with grilled chicken cut up and then we went.  Man I can't believe how slack I have been.  It was even hard to do the treadmill.  I did the treadmill for 1/2 hour and the weights for 2 hours making up for lost time.  I started out very low on my arm one and was pleased it didn't hurt much.  After that I did another 15 minutes on the treadmill and then my stretches and done.

  I never did get yogurt but drank the no fat milk and it was good.  I also didn't have a salad for supper as we had less then I though and I didn't get to the store.  This is pretty expensive.  So far I have eaten1450 calories.  I will have my SF jello later.

  Well I am off to rent a movie.  My muscles are sore but it feels so good to be working out again.

Today is the day

                

                  

     I am starting SB today.  For breakfast I will have an egg and canadian bacon with a glass of V8.  I woke up with a cold this morning.  Thanks goodness I still have some Cold Snap left so started popping a couple of them right away and hope I can chase it away guickly. Of course I am out of kleenex.  Sniff, sniff.

   The thing about eating healthy and following a diet is I find it is expensive to eat well.  If I could I would eat all organic.  I would be hitting out organic meat market and farmers market and I should still be putting in a large garden like I used to.  I used to have a huge garden and chickens running around for fresh eggs.  My family is to blame for me not doing it anymore.  I planted the garden, weeded the garden,  picked the food from the garden and served it.  I gathered the eggs.  If I was at work no one else grapped something from the garden for the meal they were cooking.  I got tired of the waste as I didn't have the room in the old house for a freezer and no help. The food was so much better though.  We have a huge problem with deer and I could never get corn to grow because of the raccoons.  The rabbits love beet leaves so never could get any of those to mature either.  Squash, beans, peas, tomatoes, potatoes, sweet potatoes, lettuce, carrots, radishes, all the other wonderful things did great.  Maybe I will do it agan this year.  I think my husband would be more likely to use the garden and help then he did when he was working the entire time and his idea of a nutritious meal was fish and chips with cold slaw!

  Well, I had better get my breakfast made and start working on my water.  I have to pack up my granddaughters presents and get them sent out today also. 

   Later in the same day.  Right now I am hungry.  I miss my wholegrain cakes.  I guess I am not sure how much chicken or meat I am to be eating at a time.  2 cups vegetables is a whole lot of veggies.  I miss my fruit.  Whaaaa whaaaa.  Ok enough of that, had to get it out my system.

  I had an egg and 2 slices of canadian bacon plus 6 ounces of V8 for breakfast.  Snack was a low fat string cheese,  lunch, grilled chicken breast and lots of green beans.  Mid afternoon snack, 20 peanuts.  For supper I am making a chicken dish that is in the book, steaming cauliflower, and havng a large salad.  I am making steak fries for the guys.  I also made up some veggies egg cups and went shopping.  $100.00 and alot of the stuff they recommend we can't get in this town.  No laughing cow lite cheese spread, no low fat half and half, who can afford seafood?  I think my menu will be pretty boring.  I did however get a ton of chicken as they were having a sale.  How sick of chicken will I get.  I made some sugar free jello also.  I am set.  I am determined.

   I added up my total calories and it only adds up to 860!  That is way too low.  I must have done something wrong or not eaten enough.  I returned my book so I think I will have to get one.  The on line site is good and I thought I had it planned well.  No wonder I am sitting here very, very, very hungry.

South Beach in the morning

  I am excited and nervous about starting this in the morning.  Excited because I hope it starts my weight going down again, nervous because it is a DIET which I said I would never do again.  However,  I am up 2 pounds!  I said I would never gain any of this weight back either.  I need to get back into the mode and thinking.  I think staying home has been bad for me.  It is so easy to slip back into bad habits.  Also I am depressed because my incisions, which look better this morning, aren't healed.  I wonder how soon I can go back to work.  I still am not doing the type if lifting that will be required when I go back.  How will that be?  Still it is improved and I can stand to wear a bra again so that is good.

   I have been making a menu for the next few days.  I do better with a plan.  My husband is still complaining about it but he will live.  It would be so much easier if I only had to cook for myself.  I showed him again all the things that are allowed on phase 1 and just because I won't be eating any potato's or bread or fruit doesn't mean he can't. 

    For supper tonight I am making ravioli tonight since I have leftover spagetti sauce from supper last night.  It was yummy.  I am getting my pasta fix in since I won't be having any for awhile.  I have a pasta maker and think I will start making wheat pasta for when  I get to phase 2 or is it 3.  I have one apple left which I am going to have for my snack today and I am going to have popcorn tonight as I can't have that either for awhile.  I will miss my dry popcorn.  Also if things still look good tomorrow I am going to the gym.  Thats my plan.  Can I stick to it?  Why after 9 months am I faultering.  Depression because I have only lost 45, whoops now 43 pounds.  I thought it would fall off faster and if I am honest it would have if I had stayed exactly on my plan.

                                         

Frankly I could really care less and have never watched a football game on TV but my son loves the steelers and lives there so I am happy he is so happy.  He called and it sounded like the whole city was going nuts with joy.

Finding out the problem

                  

    It is 14 º out.

 I started to journal my food again and see in black and white what I have done.  A little here, a little there, maybe a cup and a half instead of a cup and I am eating 2200 to 2600 calories a day.  Thus lays my problem.  I am back to counting and measuring again plus journaling my food.  I need to do that.  I am starting phase 1 monday and am anxious to see how that adds up nutritionally. 

   My incisions look better and I want to go to the gym but don't want to mess myself up.  I feel like my muscles are turning to jelly.  I really miss lifting the weights.  I had just started getting into the free weights more and really liked it.  I didn't expect it to be taking me this long to recover.  I need to get back to work.  My son gave me $300 to help make ends meet.  He is a good son.

  Breakfast is going to be Honey Nut shredded wheat, 1 cup with no fat milk.  I am not sure about lunch.  I think a salad sounds good.  I have salmon or chicken in the freezer so supper will be one of those.  I want to try to eat 1200 today, 1500 tomorrow and then south beach on Monday.  Your not supposed to count calories with south beach but I think I had better for awhile.

Most people want to be winners  
but thats not the case with me,
I want to be on the other side
a loser I want to be.

I want to weight to go away
I dont want it to stay,
I want to hold my head of high
"I did it," I want to cry!

A loser I want and will become
the inches and the pounds will go,
I will be curvy and thinner
because I can I know.

Friday

                                  

   Wow it was 60 yesterday and today 24 when I woke up.  What a change.  I am freezing.  Hurry up spring.

   I am feeling better today.  My incision looked very angry today when I first got up but after the shower and being up it looks slightly better.  No longer draining which is good.  It is a good thing probably that it is sore because I am so tempted to hit the gym.  I just want to walk and warm myself up.

  I had shredded wheat this morning with honey and nuts.  It is the same calories as the other plain but has slightly more sodium.  For lunch I made a wrap.  I have Danish sausages out thawing for supper and I plan on steaming a huge pile of broccoli to go with it. It will bum my son out but I love it.  I still have 2 apples left and some applesauce I want to get rid of by Monday when I start phase 1.  I am the only one in the family who seems to eat fruit.

  I am upset that all that pineapple I ate and drank for the last 3 weeks didn't prevent my incisions from opening up.  The doctor said it wasn't because of my working out which made me feel better.  She thinks I am sensitive to the steri strips.  Now I am mad at myself for not taking them off when they started to bother me so much.  Maybe my incision wouldn't have opened up.  After my shower I laid on my bed without a top on to let the air get to the incision and hopefully dry it out.

    I wish South Beach had an actual place I could go to to weight in like WW.  My insurance would cover it then.  I think if I had to go weight in front of people I would do better.  Cheat less often.  WW is to expensive for me even with my insurance paying for alot of it.

Surgical complications

       Well yesterday it was 3 weeks since my surgery and I thought everything was going along fine.  I was just sitting there reading and felt some pain under my right breast, check it out, and my incision opened up and has some draining.  I have an area under my left breast that feels the same way and I am afraid it will open up also.  Now I am feeling so guilty and worried about the working out I have been doing.  I really have been careful I thought and in my sports bra I had no movement at all.  I see the doctor in an hour and find out how bad it is since  I still have some steri strips on.  I will be kicking myself the whole time and my husband is mad at me for overdoing it once again.  Sigh.

  So obviously I won't be going to the gym today and probably not for awhile.  I am just going to have a slim fast for breakfast.

   Well today was the day they drug the groundhog and drag it out of its home to see if winter is going to end soon, literally scaring the poop out of the poor animal.  More winter is predicted in the time honored superstitious tradition.  Goody.

                Back from the doctors,  I have a small open area and some irritation on the incision line on the right.  The skin is red and warm so back on antibiotics and bacitracin oint.  It wasn't as bad as I feared but she mentioned it this didn't work she would have to admit me for IV therapy, Yikes that would hurt the budget.  No work until the incisions are closed.  Then got home to problems with my disability check.  They now say they never got the information from the doctor.  I did get a check but they said something about overpayment?  This whole thing is so bogus.  Why they changed it I will never know but what a hassle.

Wednesday Weigh in for the Winter Weight loss Challenge

  Well my official weigh in today was a maintain for the week.  The pound I was up yesterday is gone but I am no lower.  To top it off I am having heel pain for the last 3 days and think I may be getting Plantar fasciitis from increasing my time on the treadmill in addition to walking.  I found a great site on the web that tells how to tape your food and various stretching exercises I will do.  I am taking the day off from the gym.    I have my zip up pants on today.  For some reason I always feel slimmer in them and I want to feel like I have made some headway, even if I haven't. 

  I bought some canadian bacon from the store getting ready for starting phase 1 next week.  I still am not sure though.  I have had so much success with the way I am doing it when I do it correctly.  I need to bounce my calories around more like I did in the beginning.  I had a system that worked pretty good.  1500 calories 3 days, 1800 to 2000 2 days, 1100 2 days and then start all over again.  And about once a month I would just not count calories at all.  I have not been counting my calories or journaling my food on slim fast like I need to.  Why am I slacking?  I think alot of it has to do with meeting my goal of being healthier.  I need to remind myself I have lot more weight to lose.  I no longer remember how it felt to be 45 pounds heavier so I am not as gung ho. 

   OK, now that I know the reasons next is the fix.  Right now I am going to slimfast.com and write down my food and I will do it everyday.  I will get back on plan.