Wednesday, February 7, 2007

What Doctor's Say and What They Are Thinking

* "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
(He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.)

* "Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)

* "Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week."
(I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I’m charging you for another office visit.)

* "We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.)

* "Let’s see how it develops."
(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)

* "Let me schedule you for some tests."
(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)

* "I’d like to have my associate look at you."
(He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)

* "I’d like to prescribe a new drug."
(I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)

* "If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call."
(I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

* "That’s quite a nasty looking wound."
(I think I’m going to throw up.)

* "This may smart a little."
(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)

* "Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?"
(I’m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)

* "This should fix you up."
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)

* "Everything seems to be normal."
(Rats! I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.)

* "I’d like to run some more tests."
(I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)

* "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
(You’re crazier’n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who’ll split fees with me.)

* "There is a lot of that going around."
(My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.)

* "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
(I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.)
 

9 comments:

bethjunebug said...

THATS ABOUT THE TRUTH OF IT, TOO!!
God Bless,
Liz in Va.
http://journals.aol.com/bethjunebug/Bethjunebug

lanurseprn said...

LMAO TOO FUNNY!
Pam

inquestoftruth said...

These made me lol for real!
~Meg

jckfrstross said...

LMAO so true:)

Deb

kirkbyj05 said...

Excellent!  I roared at these...Lol!   I am now leaving your space with a big smile on my face....Ta muchly.    Jeanie

radar446 said...

These are great and so true...so true.

Greg

cacklinrosie101 said...

LOL...funny but so true...Chris

springangel235 said...

This is sooooooooooo true...LOL...thanks for sharing..it made my dull morning brighter, hugs and love,
Joyce

rebuketheworld said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! laughing by butt off..this was soooooo funny...OK, I have a gross story to tell you....Back in my twenties, when I was promiscuous, or promiscuous for me, I had this little deal I made for myself. If I decided to sleep with someone, they had to be attractive. I haven't slept with alot of men so check out my odds. Out of 12 men in my life, which is probably alot fo some.. I got 5 diseases. So, when I would go to the doctor to get a check up(OMG I cant believe I am writing this, LMAO) Ok, he would ask my history. Its not like I was proud of my 1 in 2 disease ratio, but I would also joke back with them. When they would go through the list, I would respond, "Yep, I had that one" , Yep, that one too. Yep, Yep, and then, "Hey, just put a check box next to them all, lol.....I usually had the doctor laughing. It dawned on me later that the good looking guys were  having sex all the time. They are the ones I should have avoided. ~Raven