Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Shown below , is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further .

When you call me, press buttons as follows:


#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the atten! tion of my automated answering service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)


   I have seen this before but in case you hadn't decided to share.  I am off again to work.  Today I got about 6 hours, not quite as good as yesterday but it should work.  Take care.

   I am sitting here by the window as I type.  Right outside steps a large buck with the most impressive rank,  behind him come 3 doe.  Such a pretty site to wake up too.


radar446 said...

Still rolling around from that one.  It's even more funny because I was dealing with my Mother's banking first thing this morning.

So where are the deer're slipping.


lanurseprn said...

WOW this was a good letter. I want HER to manage MY finances! LOL!
How nice to see the deer....all I see are an occassional dog and horse.

quiltsnroses said...

I loved that letter--she was some smart senior wasn't she.  I will let my 78-year-old Dad read it as he will get a kick out of it.  Right now he is so upset with his bank because they advertise "free checking" but are charging him for his actual checks which in his mind is NOT "free checking.

jckfrstross said...

have a good week:)


jlocorriere05 said...

That's funny Julie, I can understand her frustration, haven't we all had too many dealings with automated answering services?! I'd love to see a pic of the deer! Jeannette xx  

rbrown6172 said...

loved the letter...would love even more waking up to that sight!  :)

erarein63 said...

I've seen the letter as well, Julie, and it always amuses me.  I feel the exact same way.  Oh how cool to see the Buck and his Doe.  I just love nature, even if it's the ugly, scrawny coyotes around here.
De ;)

cacklinrosie101 said...

LOL...that sounds like something my mother would write but soooooo true.  We have deer in our woods behind us.  They are always meandering through the yard.  I love daughter, Megan, for some reason, is terrified of them.  Hang in there...Chris