Tuesday, April 8, 2008



       They weren't able to find my BIL yesterday so they are trying today.  I know what bar he is probably at but I don't want to shame him.  If he feels shame.  I don't think he does actually.

      Everyone has demon's in their past if they live long enough.  I certainly had things in my past that caused me some bad times.  However....I choose not to let the demon's win.  You can let the demon's strengthen you or wear you down.  They can be the fibers that give you your inner strength.   I am proud I overcame them and feel I am a better person because of it.  My BIL wears his trials as an excuse for what he has become also.  His demon's keep him down and prevent him from getting past bad things in his life.  His demon's have won. 

      I know a woman who was raped as a teen.  She is on medication for anxiety and depression and feels her life ended at that time.  I was raped as a teen also.  You know what?  It wasn't my fault.  I did not ask for it.  Some scum continued to be a scum and I got in his way.  But it happened a long long time ago.  I went on to marry, have children and grandchildren.  Laugh and love and live.  I won.  He didn't.  He went on to prison and who knows or who cares what happened after that.

      I am not a super woman.  I don't mean to say that.  But I learned that living in the past and making yourself sick about things you can't change or that don't have answers for hurts you.  Mentally and physically.  I decided I love the feeling of joy.  I love being happy and I love to laugh.  I even love to cry.  I love all my emotions, anger and sorrow.  Because I can still feel them.  I didn't wall them off.  I try not to make any excuses for myself.  I am not a victim.

      I sit here and feel real sorrow for my BIL and wonder what will become of him.  But it will be his choice.  It is always your choice.  Right!

     So.... pretty deep this morning.  Sorry about that.  My demon tag should have given you fair warning right, LOL.   It will be another busy day today.  Don't forget I have my wonderful 3 hour meeting and I am going to have them fix my sunglasses and Ricks.  I haven't listed my books yet because looking at how they are selling is depressing.  I have hundreds of dollars worth of books I might get $40.00 for.  Sigh.  Isn't that always the way of books.

        Take care all.  I am feeling OK today.  The crud isn't getting any worse.  Thank goodness.



jimsulliv3 said...

I think your BIL is a pain in the ass and feel absolutely no sorrow for him. God helps those who help themselves. Keep On trucking, Julie !


coelha said...

LOL..  I think your demons graphic is funny.. :)  Anyways---I agree with you--we all have demons-it's our choice to move on or continue to be victim of them.  Life is full of choices & excuses.  I hope your BIL one day makes the right choice.  He can be a jerk-but, he is your husband's brother--you care about him, and want the best for him for your husband's sake, I'm sure.  Take care and have a great day, and I hope BIL comes out of hiding.  Julie :)

inquestoftruth said...

Glad to hear the crud is not worse...that's a plus.     I kinda feel sorry for BIL, even if it is his fault and choices that got him where he is.    

madcobug said...

Glad that you are feeling ok today. It takes a strong person to overcome what happened to you. I congratulate you on your outlook on life. Helen

cacklinrosie101 said...

None of us live without demons.  Some have worse than others.  You are right about how we choose to deal with them.  Your BIL most likely will die a very miserable person.  We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be.  You are right.  It is his choice.  The only choices we are responsible for are the ones we make.  Chris

linnpooh said...

You are so right about the Demons of our past, and that it is our choice if we give them control over us forever. Oh, so more easily said than done though, huh? I look at people I know that have been stuck in the same rut for years simply because they can't get past something that happened, maybe 20 years ago, and I can't help but wonder how different their life could have been had they just moved past it and took control. But then, I try to stop and say "there by the grace of God go I" and remember that while the answer seems simple for me, there may be an entire set of extenuating circumstances that I know nothing about that effected how the person chose to handle things. So I try my hardest not to judge why people are where they are in life....even though I do fail with that at times. In the case of your BIL though, you pretty much know everything that he has been through and how much of it is his doing....that is a different story! He so needs to just go....and I hope for his sake, and yours, that he will. I wouldn't want the humilation of being evicted, but he will probably enjoy the drama, won't he? I feel for you Julie!

Pooh Hugs,

rbrown6172 said...

{{{julie}}}  you have overcome a lot and stand tall and victorious!!  a wonderful example to many who are going thru things, but as you said, it is the choice of the individual.  hopefully, you will give someone else the strength to beat their own demons.

rdautumnsage said...

We all must live with the choices we make...we can either learn from them or allow them to control us and imprison us. Your BIL thrives on the poor me mentality! I can't pity someone like that, he chose to be miserable and remain in his prison. You and I chose to move on and find some semblance of life.

I still battle my own demons from time to time. The difference between me and your BIL is I don't allow mine to harm others and bury me in pity. (Hugs) Indigo