Tuesday, April 8, 2008
They weren't able to find my BIL yesterday so they are trying today. I know what bar he is probably at but I don't want to shame him. If he feels shame. I don't think he does actually.
Everyone has demon's in their past if they live long enough. I certainly had things in my past that caused me some bad times. However....I choose not to let the demon's win. You can let the demon's strengthen you or wear you down. They can be the fibers that give you your inner strength. I am proud I overcame them and feel I am a better person because of it. My BIL wears his trials as an excuse for what he has become also. His demon's keep him down and prevent him from getting past bad things in his life. His demon's have won.
I know a woman who was raped as a teen. She is on medication for anxiety and depression and feels her life ended at that time. I was raped as a teen also. You know what? It wasn't my fault. I did not ask for it. Some scum continued to be a scum and I got in his way. But it happened a long long time ago. I went on to marry, have children and grandchildren. Laugh and love and live. I won. He didn't. He went on to prison and who knows or who cares what happened after that.
I am not a super woman. I don't mean to say that. But I learned that living in the past and making yourself sick about things you can't change or that don't have answers for hurts you. Mentally and physically. I decided I love the feeling of joy. I love being happy and I love to laugh. I even love to cry. I love all my emotions, anger and sorrow. Because I can still feel them. I didn't wall them off. I try not to make any excuses for myself. I am not a victim.
I sit here and feel real sorrow for my BIL and wonder what will become of him. But it will be his choice. It is always your choice. Right!
So.... pretty deep this morning. Sorry about that. My demon tag should have given you fair warning right, LOL. It will be another busy day today. Don't forget I have my wonderful 3 hour meeting and I am going to have them fix my sunglasses and Ricks. I haven't listed my books yet because looking at how they are selling is depressing. I have hundreds of dollars worth of books I might get $40.00 for. Sigh. Isn't that always the way of books.
Take care all. I am feeling OK today. The crud isn't getting any worse. Thank goodness.
Posted by Julie at 8:06 AM