Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Well, we are doing what we said we wouldn't do.

  I always said I would not do like my MIL and keep giving my BIL money to do the same thing he always did, drink it away.  But here we find ourselves doing it.  The money for the estate is due in about 6 to 9 days.  BIL thought it would be today.  Calls up with a sad story about how he lost his newest place to stay and has no money.  Found out he quit his job because it was harmful to his health, Say What!  Probably lost it for being drunk on the job.  But I know how my MIL feels. 

   Thing is I know he won't starve.  There are several bars in town that give out free food, buffets set out on different days.  BIL knows everyone of them.  His favorite gives out free coffee in the morning. He is there at 8 am everyday.  He complains they only give out 2 pots and won't make more.  Gee, how stingy of them.  He knows several people who sell stolen meat and when he has a fridge he buys that.  So eating isn't a problem.  But he can't get free smokes or free booze.  Everyone knows all  his sob stories now and the sympathy has dried up months ago. 

    Rick sees him and he looks awful.  One of this teeth has fallen out, or perhaps he pulled it.  His hair and beard is long and dirty.  We have told him he can bath and do his laundry here... but he won't.  Rick is disgusted and afraid for him.  I am worried about what will happen when he gets the money.  His drinking will escalate.  His health is already bad.  I think he has hepatitis or worse.  Probably liver disease.  Instead of a few drinks a day, he will drink all day.  And drive. 

    His car has a broken headlight, and a dent.  What did he hit with it.  I know if he hits another car or a person he wouldn't stay around.  I feel responsible just because I have the knowledge he is out there impaired.  But how to get him stopped.  If we don't give him money and he doesn't drive it is a good thing.  But if he can't get to where the food is that is a bad thing.  And he won't come here to eat because I am after all, one of the bitches who put him where is at today. He gets a perverse pleasure in that. I am too blame, not him.

     He is starting to look just like he did when hefirst came.  He looks like he might die soon.  We would like to save him....but he doesn't want to saved on our terms.  This is what it is like to be the family of an alcoholic.  You are powerless.  You try not to think about it.  Late night calls chill you.  Stories about hit and runs make to scared to death.  Other people pointing fingers and asking why you're not helping him out.  Not realizing that you have....for years and years and years and that eventually you have to stop because that is how he gets by.  Or does he.  The fact that he is also a social path makes it worse.

       Well, another depressing post.  I am just a bundle of joy aren't I, LOL.  Sorry.  This is just such a no win situation.  One that will not have a happy ending I think.  I am a spectator watching a story  where I can't change the ending.


venus905 said...

What a sad life, and what a sad ending his life will have.  I was married to an alcoholic for 4 yrs and couldn't take it one more day, so divorced him back in '82.  He has continued on his merry way, still hanging in there, drinking up a storm, "quitting" for 5 months at a stretch, then just relapsing.  

Our lives are all about choices.  They are adults, they have made their choice.  So be it.

Estela in South TX

jimsulliv3 said...

It's a waste of time to worry about people who don't care to change. Stop over at my place and have a laugh.


nightmaremom said...

I am so sorry this is weighing so heavy on your heart and soul....   but you've done what you can do...  

jlocorriere05 said...

Your BIL sounds a total waster. When he gets his money he's just going to spend it on alcohol. It's not your fault, he's not your responsibility. He's a grown man and should take the blame for his sad way of life. You can't help a person who doesn't want to be saved. Don't ever feel guilty about him! Jeannette xx  

rbrown6172 said...

you know in your heart that you and rick...and mil before you, have done all you can to help him.  but he chooses the path he is on, though in his mind he is the victim.  so sad...and even sadder he might never change...but i do believe in miracles and the power of prayer.  God can definitely turn his life around if bil would only allow it...so my suggestion is to pray for him, which i'm sure you do.

rdautumnsage said...

Knowing you and Rick the way I've come to know you within these pages, you did all you could possibly do...the rest is left up to him. I have no doubt he will use the estate to finish what he started. Some people are born victims - they like putting people on the spot and thinking the world is against them. This is a no win situation. If you help him your feeding his addiction, if you don't you feel guilty your condemning him...You and Rick are in my thoughts hon. (Hugs)Indigo

cacklinrosie101 said...

Julie, I know that you know all of this and hope I don't offend you but my ex was an alcoholic very much like your BIL.  What you are doing is enabling.  You need to just stop and let the actions that be happen.  He's beyond help.  You also need to notify the authorities that he is driving impaired.  It's very hard to do but you need to have him off of the road.  Too bad if he can't get to the food.  It would be a lot worse if he killed someone else doing it.  It's very difficult.  I've been there and done that.  Good luck and prayers for you and Rick.  Chris