As I entered my 50's a sense of running out time became stronger then ever. My family has a short life span. Most don't make it out of their 50's. So why do I procrastinate?
Lazy days alway make me stop and think about if I wasted it or enjoyed it. Did I live this day to its fullest like maybe tomorrow wouldn't come? Probably not. Definitely not today.
Don't get me wrong. I love a good lazy day. I deserve a good wasted day. But they even should be planned. A really good wasted lazy day? Sitting on the bank of my favorite fishing hole. Warm sun on my skin. My bobber floating gently in the middle of the lake. Or, a long bike ride. Our lunch in the saddle bags. My muscles sore and sweat running down my back. A swig of cold water when we reach the half way point. Flushing out a deer or pheasant from the fields as we pass by.
Hiking in the park with my camera around my neck. Looking for the perfect shot. Taking 400 shots and keeping 4. Zoey happy to be in the woods, me happy to not be working.
Days like those it doesn't bother me to procrastinate. House dusty? Laundry piled up? Yard need work? So what. My family doesn't live long. I have to enjoy each and every day. It might be my last.
Excuses! Yes. Beliefs? YES. The one thing about house work. It waits for you. It invites friends over to wait for you. Dust bunnies multiply, food molds into unrecognizable blobs of green.
Today however was not a good wasted day. I hate that. I don't mind wasting a day. But a wasted day without fun or something to remember it by is just a wasted day. You know what I mean.
Will these type of feeling intensify daily as I get older. I stand at the door and say do something! Time is flying by. And I am not doing anything. I am missing a sunrise or a sunset somewhere. A playground where children are laughing. A park where a man throws a stick for his dog. Stuck in this house this long winter day. Tick Tick Tick. Anyone else out there feel this? This need to feel your life with meaningful enjoyful moments?