Sunday, May 20, 2007


  My husband and I have talked and he is going to get her credit card and just keep it here.  I just don't trust BIL.  Don't trust the way he is looking after her either.  Even my son said he was worried and asked us to get back in the picture.  We have been, but we stayed away awhile to let them have their visit.  Well, she is missing meds, missing her drinks, he took her out and to the bank!  She isn't walking much at all now and hasn't wanted to leave the house for awhile.  When BIL's son gets here who will be paying for his entertainment?  My MIL. 

   I was so hoping this was going to be stress free.  I want my MIL's last days to be soft and warm and comfortable.  Not worrying about BIL.  My FIL spent his last days worrying about him and now my MIL, but the difference is my MIL is confused alot these days and he is taking advantage of her.

   I do not know if he is still on drugs.  I don't think he is drinking as he made no attempt to hide it last time and I don't think he would this time either.  He looks like he has some serious meth teeth going on, but not some of the other signs I see with heavy meth users.  Nice thing about being a nurse.  I can usually spot a user a mile a way.  He doesn't look at all healthy though and I wonder if he has something.

    My husband is going to get BIL out of the house while I talk to my MIL.  I want to ask her if she has any concerns.  I know BIL has been going though her closets and acting like he owns the house and she is the unwelcome guest.  Ticks me off.  He even moved into her bedroom!  The hospice nurse has voiced her concerns to me.  I am counting her meds.  She isn't on pain meds yet but does get sleeping pills.  I am sick we are having to go through this.  It just isn't fair to my MIL.  Plus BIL has put a stop to her giving her things away to relatives she wants to have them.  It is her stuff to give away.  ARRRGGGHHH.

   Thank you all for your support.  I feel like a real witch sometimes always telling my hubby what a creep is brother is.  Thank goodness he isn't like him.  Unfortunately my hubby doesn't handle confrontation well.   He doesn't like to deal with it.  But it doesn't go away just because you ignore it.  I told him we have to face this and right now for his mothers sake.  If it means packing BIL up and kicking him out I will do it to make her last days better.  I haven't been a nurse for 28 years and not learned out to take care of this type of loser.  And I am not afraid to speak my mind anymore.  When I promised my FIL I would take care of my MIL I meant it.  And he did mean protect her from my BIL.  He knew all too well his son's short comings.  You still love your kids, but you have to stop helping them keep on a destructive path.  If you keep supporting them they will have no reason to change.
  Now the people in the pictures before.  They were my 2 sons and a friend of my sons that is racing with.  My hubby of course.  My youngest son is going to be in a 3 day mountain bike relay race.  They have been training all winter.  I worry about it because the area is pretty rough in places and people have gotten seriously hurt before.  My son hasn't told me if any ever died.  He is a good rider though and I hope will be fine.  His friend however doesn't do that type of riding often.  I worry about him.  Such a nice kid.  I am hoping it is when I am off as I would like to see some of it.

  Well, I am going to work on my closet doors sanding them and getting them ready for stain and then going to my MIL.  Have a great day all.


madcobug said...

Good for your hubby. The BIL is acting like it is already his home. It will probably be hard to ever get him to leave now that he is here. Listen to the hospice nurse because she knows what is going on.The nurse with Hospice is what allerted me to my brothers doings. Good luck to your son and his friend in that race. Helen

rdautumnsage said...

I would encourage your MIL not to pay for her grandsons entertainment. Let her know that your BIL has the option of cashing in one of his bonds to pay for this son himself. I wish you could just send him on his merry way, he gets under my skin big time. I hate people who use others, especially their own family. I'm glad you and your husband have decided to step back into helping take care of your MIL. What the hell does your BIL need to go through the closets for? Is he looking for more money? or assets? Your son obviously takes after you, and noticed the things you do about your MIL in his short visit. I know this may seem over the top, but whats to stop your BIL from over medicating your MIL to rush her along?

On another note, I think it's awesome your entire family loves to bike. Good luck to your son and his friend on the bike race! Keeping your family and MIL in my prayers on the smoke. As far as I'm concerned your BIL can go to hell. (Hugs) Indigo

cacklinrosie101 said...

Julie, I would send him packing...period!  None of you need this type of stress in your lives.  He is causing far more harm than good.  Keep us posted.  Chris

erarein63 said...

Julie-- I don't blame you for taking the credit card away and out of the house.  Plus, he hasn't been taking care of her right.  What a shame.  Takes a real loser to treat his mother bad on her deathbed!  Hang in there, hon.  De ;)

jckfrstross said...

it does sound like he (BIL) just wants his moms money or jewlery or what ever he can get his hands on. good luck and i agree keep a close eye on him and kick him out if need be. your sons are very handsome:)


inquestoftruth said...

Too bad Hubby can't get MIL's power of attorney, that way BIL would have to come through Hubby (translated YOU) to get her money.    Just a thought.