Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Life...and Death

   I am so full of sorrow today.  If you think nurses don't care then you don't know people.  Some hide it better.  Some can not show it until they are alone.  Some choose not to share.  But we hurt.  I am hurting sooooo bad tonight.  Broken and wondering why I keep doing this to myself.  Why did I choose to put myself into this position.  I could have been anything.  Done anything.  Painless things.

   I feel emotions are a good thing.  I believe in feeling your entire emotions.....but sometimes, tonight, maybe I am wrong.  Maybe not feeling this would be nice.  Nice. I probably won't post this.  I did post it on my other journal.  Will I ruin someones night.  Make them sad.  Invite them to join me?  In my sorrow.


 

10 comments:

inquestoftruth said...

Julie....because of people like you, others who have to face the cold, stark pangs of life and death are able to do just a little better, a little easier, a little more comforted in times of grief and fear.   You are a very special person, and I admire you.   Greatly.   ((((Julie))))
~Meg

carrotlife said...

Julie- as you ask why you do this to yourself, i am reminded of one of the most important "strangers" i have ever come in contact with. when i was a teen i had simple surgery...appendix removal. although i had had much more serious surgery before, for some reason i was scared to death, the silliest thing really...but my teenaged mind kept thinking they were going to begin the surgery before i was knocked out. as i lay there scared and alone (i had already been wheeled to the operating room) a nurse came by, asked if i was ok.....listened, then sat next to me and held my hand until i was completely out. i never knew this kind woman's name, and never saw her again; but i will be forever grateful for her, as will my parents since this woman stepped in when they could not be there.

i believe that is why you do it. throughout your pain....you make a difference that no one else can. you ease pain, help through sorrow, erase fear, and dry others' tears at a time they need it the most. thank you for being there for so many....even when your own heart is heavy.
~Cathy

rbrown6172 said...

you do what you do because you do care....and you do make a difference.  hang on to that during the bad times and believe it...you DO make a difference.
gina

radar446 said...

I think that there are many professions out there that take a certain kind of person to do.   Nursing is one of them, and Policing is another on at times.  There are times that we witness or are a part of tradgedies.  That is the nature of the beast, but it is the caring that we exhibit in our own ways that makes us suited for the job.  If we didn't care, we would have gone into another field.

Greg

PS, if you need to talk, I'm here.

coelha said...

(((  Julie  )))  It take a very special and strong person to care for the sick.  I've always admired the ones that do.  Hugs - Julie

candlejmr said...

I so totally admire you and the work you do.  Your feelings...your commitment to the sick....THAT is what helps make you the wonderful nurse that you are.

((hugs))
Jeanne

rdautumnsage said...

I came out of a coma after a week (the most violent beating I would take in my life) and the first thing I saw was this blk woman sitting beside the bed, I couldn't see well at the moment my vision was blurry...The next few days she was there in constant vigil next to my bed (even on her off hours and days off). I remember waking up during this time and seeing tears stream down her face as she looked down on me...I could barely talk but managed to whisper and ask her if she was alright if something happened to her. She cried even harder, she told me they didn't think I was going to wake up and she realized I had absolutley no visitors. Her name was Grace and she was a nurse. This woman came to visit me often and just sit and keep me company during my stay. I lost touch with her over time, but often think of that kind face looking down at me with tears falling. A stranger with a beautiful spirit. That's what a nurse has come to mean to me. Someone who originally taught me there was another side to the human spirit that was a far cry from violent. You know why you do this hon, and I'm thankful people like you and Grace care enough to shed a tear for those under your care. (Hugs) Indigo

jckfrstross said...

thank you for being a nurse:)

Deb

lanurseprn said...

When I worked in ICU, sometimes I would cry on the drive home and think to myself "I can't even TELL anyone about this 'cause they just won't get it!" Hope you're ok.
Pam

springangel235 said...

I think your awesome...many hugs and love,
Joyce