Friday, June 13, 2008

In support of porta potties

           In support of the porta potty

   I have a theory that more women are overweight then men due to lack of wash room facilities in our nations walking and biking trails.  There is something about exercising and fluids that go hand in hand.  The harder you exercise the more you are suppose to drink.
    However....  I have to be very careful about that and I know I am not the only woman out there with this problem.  I have to be very careful to only drink back in what I have sweated out and not a drop more or I will have to make a potty stop.  Thus lies the problem.

   Lack of adequate facilities to relieve ones self in privacy.

   Now a man has the best of both worlds.  Due to the nature of the beast he can casually stand there doing his Christopher Columbus imitation, one foot propped on a rock, one hand shading his eyes as he intently stares at the horizon for new worlds to conquer.  From a distance and sometimes even close you aren't 100% sure what he is doing.  He can confidently go where no man has gone before.   But the woman?  She wants a man to have gone before....the man who places the porta potty's!

   A woman can't pretend she is doing anything but what she is actually doing if forced to void in the wild.  Go to any trail USA of any distance and behind any bush of any size you will find evidence of hopefully bio gradable tissue.  When women are in the wild they are scanning the horizon also, but they are looking for the next best place to go.

    I have to plan my travels very carefully and know the exact distance from every Starbucks to the best and cleanest place to make a privacy stop.  On a long trail or out fishing though it is a challenge.

       My favorite fishing hole has no natural ground cover.  It has banks.  Muddy banks with spiders lurking in them.  I have been known to fish for 6 hours in 100 degree temps without drinking a drop of water.  Pass out with dehydration instead of excitement when I catch the big one.

    On bike trails you can always tell when a woman has to go.  All of a sudden with Lance Armstrong speed she pulls way ahead of the pack to try and buy herself 4 minutes of lead time to squat behind a bush or boulder. 

    I think more women would exercise and fish if there was a porta potty every few miles.  After all.... a girls got to do what a girls got to do.  And after a couple of kids and a few years you have to do it a little more often.

    The lucky woman has a long suffering spouse set out as lookout.  Ready to scan the trail and shout out a warning to you.  "Biker"!  "Just turned corner two".  "ETA 3.4 minutes".  "Get a move on"!  You squat there with the tall grass tickling your cold bottom and try to hurry mother nature.  Cussing under your breath that some other is biker sharing Your Trail!  How dare they!  Didn't they know you would have to void!  5-4-3-2- Up with the pants.  Hurriedly looking down and commenting loudly on the pretty little flower you are looking at under the shrub which is why you squatting there as the smug male biker rides by.  He knows what your doing.  I do not know for sure but I wouldn't be surprise if the male bicyclist didn't even have to get off his bike.  Its just not fair..........

   So if you got this far you are probably wondering what in the heck I am doing up at 6 am writing an entry about using the porta pot!  The answer is simple.  Can't sleep.  Going to ride today and I had to void!


madcobug said...

True, true, every word that you typed. Have a good ride today and hope the porta potty is where you can get to it in time. Helen

nightmaremom said...

after the last porta potty...   I'd rather do it in the bushes....   dirty and gross... I turned around

inquestoftruth said...

I just can't do a porta potty.     You make some fine points, but I just can't.   Tried once.   Not again.

rbrown6172 said...

roflol....thanks for a good laugh to start my morning.  

howiseeit101 said...

The thing with porta potties is to enter in a state of mind that transcends the present moment.  One would have to be high on something other than life!  That's why I take deep breaths and hold them when I go in and out...that's my way of getting through it.    

radar446 said...

I think this was the funniest entry I have read in a journal in a very long time...possibly ever.  I found myself saying...."I know just what you are talking about" at several points in the entry thinking about hiking and camping with Jennifer.


jimsulliv3 said...

Haaaaaaaaaaa ! Great entry Jules ! True, true true.... been out in the woods and streams too many times with wives, girlfriends, daughters and nieces (not all at the same time) not to appreciate your plight. I even dated a nurse who told me the next time she went with me, she would use a catheter.

If you carried a hunting rifle with you and assumed the right position and angle, you could always act like you're down there examining deer tracks. It won't work at the beach though.


cacklinrosie101 said...

LOL...this is too funny.  I've just about embarrassed the life out of my kids on a nature walk at the local state park.  The bathrooms were at least a mile back.  To be young again and drink that whole bottle of water while walking like my daughter.  Wonder why they don't put up porta potties.  Probably saving money.  Chris

coelha said...

LOL...they should be painted pink too.  :)  AND, they should be cleaned regulary!!  I feel your frustration!!  :)  Julie