Friday, December 28, 2007

Taking Stock



     I finally got up the nerve to step on the scale and see what the damage was after all these months of not watching what I eat and not exercising.  Its bad.  19 pounds regained.  And I feel it.  In my knees especially and the way my cloths fit.  I am glad I didn't gain back the entire 56 but 19 is bad enough.

     I was feeling so good and fit.  My aches and pains were from a good workout, not the strain on my joints.  I had a terrible night sleep as my knees hurt just from my legs laying on each other.  Seriously! 

      I do not make New Years resolutions.  I do however make some goals.   I am going to go to the Black hills in Sept and ride the Mickelson trail.  To do that I have to be thinner and fitter.  And I know exactly how to do it.  After all I have done it before. Right.

    So today I sip on my slimfast and mentally plan my menu for the upcoming days and my exercise goals.  Rick and I both agree we felt better mentally and physically when we worked out.  So as soon as we get things that need to be taken care of first done at his mom's we are going back to the gym.  As soon as we can we are getting back on our bikes and riding as many miles a day as we can stand.  I have 9 months to get in shape.  I can do it!
                  

     Today I have a busy day planned.   I have to go and pick up a extra death certificate.  It has been ready for 3 days and neither of the sons ever went.  They also haven't written a single thank you note or even started on the house.  So I have to start on that.  I want the cards out.  I have to go to hospice today and give them some checks that were donated in my MIL's name and then contact the womens shelter and aide center about donating some of her clothes.

   It feels really awful going through her closets.....like an invasion of her privacy.  Rick says it is like we are getting rid of all traces that she was here.   I have some things we kept that she made that hopefully will be reminders for him, but I told him most of her well remain in our hearts forever.  The rest is just things, not her.  It has been increasingly hard on him.  After the numbness and exhaustion wore off then came the reality. 

    When she first died he had this sense of relief.  She wasn't in pain anymore.  The entire ordeal was over.  She was so ready and waiting for it to end that that was his first emotion.  Then he felt guilty about that.   Now he just feels the loss.  I am also at that stage.  Just miss her.  It will get easier though.  Time, the great healer.

     Well, I am not getting anything done sitting on my big behind.  Take care all.


16 comments:

radar446 said...

19 pounds is not too terrible.  You should have those worked off pretty quickly.  Sounds like you are motivated to get in shape to do your trail, and that is a great goal.

Sounds like you guys are coming to terms with your loss, and this is good and healthy.

Greg

carolelainedodd said...

There is no way I am getting on my scales until after New Year.  My jeans tell me I've put loads on.:(
We have a bike each as we love riding, but the weather is so bad and with no mud guards you get covered in mud.
There is so much to do isn't there after a death???  You will get there in time.
Still sending prayers to you all.
Take care.
Carolxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/carolelainedodd/a-quiet-life......i-wish/

jeanno43 said...

Everyone gains weight over Christmas and I am sure you will lose it again quickly.  Yes, it a horrible thing to have to go through someone's personal belongings, I have done that twice, but it has to be done.  So much has to be disposed of, you just do not have the room to keep it all but you know that each little thing meant something to that person.  It does get easier and glad you are coping at the moment.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/JeannettesJottings/

coelha said...

Today I'm throwing away all the candy and cookies from this house!!!  They say everyone gains poundage during the winter...but I'm not going to check the scale until after a week of without cake and cookies.  Too depressing!!  Take care!!  Julie

madcobug said...

I am sure that you will get back in shape in the next few months just as you did before. That in itself will make you feel so much better. Getting outside when spring comes will be great. Yes, having to dispose with things and getting things in order is a hard thing to do. Hugs, Helen

candlejmr said...

I have a feeling that getting back to exercise will not only help you and your husband physically....but emotionally too.  Grief is hard, but time will heal.

((hugs))
Jeanne

inquestoftruth said...

19 lbs isn't so bad, really.    You can get back on track and you and Rick will feel better again...physcially and mentally.
~Meg

jckfrstross said...

19lbs is not bad considering all you went through. good luck with the weight loss and enjoy your weekend

Deb

lanurseprn said...

I know it's tough going through her things. The hardest for me when Mom died was her clothes. What a nightmare! I had to pack some of it and actually wait a few months to do it later.
I know you both will be feeling better after you start exercising again. Exercise is medicine for the body and mind.
Have a good day.
Pam xoxox

springangel235 said...

i don't make resolutions to lose weight either....they just don't stick...but I have confidance you will lose it again...you have a strong determination and will make it happen.  I am still dealing with my Mom's estate closing....8 months later, wishing you the best on that issue too.  Many hugs and love...have a great start to your New Year!!
Joyce

gotomaria said...

Hello there!  Take heart...during the holiday seasons people always gain some pounds.  What is good is that you have a goal and something to work towards.  Keep your eye on that and all will be well...the rest will follow.  Sounds like an interesting trail....maybe I need to make a goal like that...:)   Also, sorry to hear about your loss.  The other day my husband told me that if I were to die the first thing he would do is probably send all my clutter to the dump yard...that certainly was a wake up call.  I don't look at it as clutter...it's all ideas and fun and maybe he's right...I better simplify soon.  Happy New Year!  Maria

lisita15 said...

Julie, I love the cartoon!!! My hubby and I feel the same way. We feel so much better when we exercise. I was working out pretty faithfully, but not losing much weight, but I was feeling better. I'll be hangning around. I won't use slimfast though... I tried it once and got really sick... I'm thinking WW next year.... since I can eat regular food. It sounds like you have a great plan... keep us posted. Lisa

rbrown6172 said...

don't you just hate having to cover same ground all over again when it comes to losing weight??  seems i'm constantly in that battle.  i bet you are soon right back on track.  i know that going through your mil's house and sorting her things is hard, but hopefully, it will be a job completed soon and you and rick can get on with the healing process.  hope you have a wonderful year in 2008.
gina

rdautumnsage said...

Life is strange that way isn't it?.....we want it to stop and allow our loss and sorrow time, yet the clock continues to click the minutes away moving ever forward....I'm glad you and Rick are planning out a routine to get your lives back on track. There will always be moments of rememberance.....like you I hope the ache can abate for a little while till I can get back on my feet.....(Hugs) Indigo

kirkbyj05 said...

Attitude dear girl!  Attitude!  That's what it takes and that's what you've got!
You know your goal and now you have made it easier by aiming sensibly for the Blackhills and the Mickelson trail in September.  I for one can't wait to see you get there.  I'm selfish really but I know you will take some wonderful photos.
19lbs is nothing.  A month or two and those will have gone.
I'm going to wish you well.  I know that you will do it because your beloved hobby of cycling will call you out and away from the calories.  My trousers are really tight now from Christmas tuck.  I guess I should follow your example...and I will too.  Porridge every morning for me....coming up.  Lol!

Hugs to you.
Love
Jeanie xxx

cacklinrosie101 said...

Ugh, I know I had put on 20 lbs in the last year and half; 10 since this past fall but I fear when I weigh myself soon it will be more like 25 that I should drop.  I have no willpower anymore.  It really only takes eating healthy which I can't seem to stick to.  Good luck with your goals.  You are better than me, I think.  Chris