A Lovely Quote from today

   I received this in the mail today and wanted to share it.  It is so nice.

             Death is nothing at all.  I have slipped away into the next room.  I am I, and you are you.  Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.  Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the same easy way which you always used.  Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.  Laugh as we always laughed, at the the little jokes we enjoyed together.  Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.  Let my name be the household word that is always was.   Let it be spoken without effect, without trace of shadow on it.  Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it ever was, there is an unbroken continuity.  What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?  I am waiting for you for an interval, somewhere very near, just the corner.

   All is well.

                                             -Canon Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)

           Isn't that just lovely!  I would have included it in the sermon if I had it sooner.  Everything went smoothly today.  We had plenty of food and all the left overs we donated to the Gospel mission.   My men looked so handsome in their suits.  I have one more day to rest and then back to work.  It will be good.

Early Morning

       I am up early.  The service is at 11:30 but we have to be there at 11.  My youngest son bought a suit!  Since I usually only ever see him dressed like he is there, in bicycle clothes or his work clothes it is quite strange.  He looks good though.  I bought new shoes but otherwise have a nice outfit to wear.  I am so looking forward to this being over.  We are not putting the ashes in the ground until the spring time.  I am not happy about that.  We did that with my FIL but his ashes stayed at their home and it seemed right.  I don't want to leave hers there while the house is slowly emptied.  My BIL thinks it will be a good excuse to stay around until spring that way.  I just don't want to drag this next part on and on.  Rick feels the same way. We want closure.  So we shall see.  We may have a private graveside service soon.

   We have been eating out almost everyday.  With Rick at his moms and me here it just doesn't seen like we have settled yet.  I haven't the energy to cook and still think of everything that needs to be done.  Apathy has set in.  Maybe I am storing up the energy for what is coming next.  We are getting glimpses of how difficult my BIL is going to be. He is so contrary.  We say white he says black to every single thing.  He won't eat what I cook, I am not hungry then 2 minutes later is out there cooking.  It will be a battle.

      I am worried sick about Rick.  He had a episode the other day where he almost passed out and his arms were jerking.  His blood pressure was 189/112.  I called the doctor to see about increasing the blood pressure med he is on but they never called back.  I am going to make him an appointment today.  He needs to be seen.  Darn man needs to take care of himself.  He holds everything in and it is doing a number on him.

       I have all my Christmas shopping done in record time.  Still not a single decoration up,but I am OK with that.  We have been enjoying other peoples lights.

     Well I had better pop in the shower.   I want to get it done before anyone else wakes up.

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Memories

  Last year at about this time we were at my MIL's making the traditional Medisterpølse's.




 Its a danish sausage and wonderful.  Last night we were talking that if we didn't make them this year it would be the first time in either of the son's life they didn't have them for Christmas.  So we are going to make a batch we think.  It will be hard enough this year.

       Yesterday we went to the funeral home and made the service arrangements.  My MIL had her funeral all arranged and prepaid so it really made the difficult task easy.  The Pastor came and helped.

      I remember when my MIL did it.  Shortly after she was diagnosed she insisted on getting her house in order.  TODAY.  When she got something in her head you would not stop hearing about it until it was done.  I am sure grateful for it now.  Today we are picking out one of her quilts to display at the service and some pictures.

      We have been talking over the last fewmonths.   My MIL's last meal she requested and ate was pickled Herring.  Yuk!  But she enjoyed it.  When she was talking out of her head earlier this week, dreaming and talking away she mentioned she had her best outfit ready.  Is she wearing it now?  For her welcome home party.

     I have been home and Rick is still staying there for awhile.  Yesterday I went over and already the house seems so strange.  I have spent every holiday there for the last 34 years.  Most of my childrens birthdays parties were spent there.  I look at the dining room table and remember the thousands of card game we played there.   Millions of memories in that house.  When the house is gone it will be the worse.

    We are keeping the house until the spring.  That way we can slowly go through everything and throw, sale or donate things until the auction in the spring.  She never threw anything away so it will take us months.

     I want to express my gratitude for the prayers and warm wishes everyone has sent.  It has meant so much.  This has been such a long roller coaster of a ride we are just numb and not thinking much right now.  I am so happy I am off work.  Anyway.....J-land is a warm and caring place.  Thank you all.

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While at my meeting

  

    My mother in law quietly slipped away in her sleep.  In peace.  Pain free.

    The phone rang at the far end of the meeting room.  My heart sank and I knew the call would be for me.  My legs were shaking as I walked to the phone and even expecting it I couldn't stop my tears.  At 0950 this morning my dear MIL finished her journey to the other side.

      Rick had just given her medication for pain.  She was restless.  He held her hand until she calmed and started in to get coffee.  At the kitchen door he heard her last breath and turned back.   The hospice nurses were on the porch ready to come in when she took her last breath.  It was so calm and that terrible noise was gone from her throat.

       Now we are numb.  Grateful that everything she wanted had happened.  She wanted to slip away in her sleep like my FIL had done.  She wanted to be at home.   She didn't want to have pain.  The pain was well controlled with the medication and she was in her home with her kitty laying beside her.

      The dog and the cat knew she was gone.  The cat refused to leave her bed until they came for her body.  Then she disappeared for hours.  Zoey laid her head on Ricks lap and whined.

     I am home.  No reason to stay there.  Rick is still at his moms.  Can't leave BIL alone there and Rick knows it is better for me here. BIL has no reason to be restrained now.  So it ends.  86 years......ends.

        

We are such stuff as dreams are made on ...
William Shakespeare
The Tempest, III, iv

Our revels are now ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air;
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp’d towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded in a sleep.

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on line at MIL's

  I downloaded AOL at my MIL's so I can be on-line occasionally.  I called in to work tonight.  Things are not going well and I needed to be here.  Emotionally and to help.  We are now having trouble controlling the pain tonight so I am the best at not being afraid to medicate her as much as she needs.  Also she just is limp so moving her takes both of us.  She is very restless so I am awake while Rick sleeps.  It is best 2 do shifts.  Now with my computer I can keep busy as TV just doesn't interest me much.  Too many commercials which just drive me nuts.  It is a wonder I haven't thrown something through the screen.  It is worse then when I gave up TV 7 years ago.

   Anyway, not much to say but wanted to let you know.  I can get on the computer at night when I am sure no one will call.  I am spoiled by cable.  I had forgotten how slow dial up is.

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Miss you all

    I love the graphic Donna made above, so sweet. 

    I finally made it home for a few hours to catch up on some things.  Yes, my MIL is still hanging in there.  Unfortunately she finally started having pain so now is on scheduled morphine.  It is keeping her comfortable, but she is rarely awake.  I do not know how she keeps hanging in there as she isn't eating or drinking often and her kidneys are barely working.  I am back to work so it is hard on my husband.  It really takes 2 to move her.  I have 2 more nights to work and then a class on Friday.  Then off again to be more help.

    BIL is here, but isn't much help.  He set up the basement to look like a living space and is down there or at the bar.  We are keeping a truce except for when he smokes in the house.  Saving our battle for later.  My back is really bad today and my finger is still swollen and very painful.  We are all falling apart, LOL.

   Lots of snow and ice here as there is around the country.   So much for the farmers almanac saying we are having a mild winter.  It is really pretty though and since I finally got the van fixed I don't mind driving in it.

    My DIL was in an accident and got hit by a garbage truck.  It totaled their car and she has a concussion and aches all over.  If the children had been in the back seat it would have been tragic.  So it could have been worse.

     Christmas will soon be here and I haven't got a thing done.  Not a decoration, not a single present, nada nothing.  I had better at least send my son some money to get my grandkids something.  Everyone else realizes I just haven't got it to spare, but I do want to get them something.

     I haven't got my alerts on but hope to get around to some journals and slowly get caught up on everyone.  Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year.  Sorry my entries have been so dreary lately, I know you all understand.

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Still Hanging in there.

   That's my MIL's favorite saying so as she says we are still hanging in there.  My MIL is sleeping most of the time now and confused more times then not.  Her kidneys aren't working much so most of her meds except the pain medication is being held.  And she is not eating much at all.  I always said if my MIL stopped eating it was a bad sign.  So I expect this week.  Probably Thursday when I am supposed to go to work.

    My finger and really hand remains purple and sore.  I really did a number on it.  Pretty bruising.  It looks like I slugged someone.  I might have to as it turns out my BIL is on his way back.   I am sick about it but can't do anything about it.  Now the battle to keep him from squatting in the house will begin.  It won't be real comfortable for him as when my MIL is gone we are not keeping the phone or TV going.  We won't be able to have the sale now until Spring but plan on keeping only the minimal things going.  We want to donate the fridge and freezer since it was donated to her.

     We had an ice storm last night so I have to get back before the temp drops and everything freezes again.  Take care all and stay warm.

        

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