I am trying to get tired enough to sleep and not dream.  Not dream of children dying, no dream of people being dismembered like last night.  Just a pleasant dream and if I can't have no dream all please.  I seem to be the 3 rd person in these dreams.  Powerless to stop what I know is coming.  Sitting in the window watching.  I think it mimics my life right now.  I know what is coming but feel powerless to stop it also.

   My MIL's death, the problems with my BIL.  The situation with the terrorists.  the boarders and the immigration laws.  All are weighing heavy on me right now.Can't send them all to the back burner.  Makes sleeping a challage.

   As a nurse I have seen violet death, children, babies, old people, young....I have seen it all.  I never had dreams back then.  Why  now.  Why now.
    
   Normally I am not on any medication except my fluid pill and an occasional sleeping pill.  My back is out so I have had some motrim, thats it,  I want these dreams to stop, Please just stop.  Go back to my plesant I want to sleep dreams

Mardi Gras, Here?

   Yesterday we went to our Mardi Gras party down by the river.  I haven't gone for a few years and unfortunately the wonderful fancy costumes where the night before.  They used to march in the parade.  That was the reason I went, to get pictures, oh well.  We had fun and the music was great and free!  They had fireworks at the end but I didn't get a single picture, to busy watching I guess.

    The older I get the more I dislike crowds, but it wasn't too bad and the weather was nice.  I had 2 Mikes hard lemonades which I had never drank before, yummy.  Anyway check out the pictures.  I couldn't get a decent place to get pictures without shooting into the sun.

Productive day

      

    Its hard to see because I was in a hurry.  Everytime I get near the porch I hear a screech and swoosh as the momma or daddy Robin attack me.  So I had to point and run.  So far they have never contacted, but I wonder if they are trying to aim to do a bombing run, LOL.   Makes it a pain to water my plants with the little bird diving at me the entire time.  She is really wearing out her welcome.  I think there are only 3 babies that hatched but possibly one more is buried down there, hard to tell in the light.

    I was so productive yesterday it scared me.  Got my bathroom all cleaned, my curtains washed, the floors washed, garden watered.  Most of 2 lots mowed, packages mailed and the stove cleaned.  Washed all my screens and windows.  Wow, I still need to tackle the basement today, yik.  Can we say spiders.

    I was also in an absolute bear of a mood.  My hubby overheard my BIL telling a relative he is planning on living in his mothers house.  How can he do that?  Can he afford to pay Rick his half. Can he afford the monthly utilities and taxes?  No.  Plus that would mean he is staying.  Yikes.  So that got me in a really bad mood.  The lawyer warned us that once he got in the house he would be difficult to dislodge.  They said he would make the house such a mess that it would be hard to sell.  The other day I opened and stove and about died.  Dried food burnt on and on her cupboard a dried piece of spaghetti.  What was up with that.  It had been 3 days since he had spaghetti.   That kind of thing drives my MIL crazy but if she says anything he gets rude.  After all, it is his house in his mind so he can do what he wants.  He will have justified why he deserves the house to himself in his mind.  It is all about him.  He also is hitting the bar pretty regularly now.  To PLAY GAMES he say, yah right.

   I am so dreading this and this is also keeping me awake.  I have some ammo I will use if I need to to dislodge him.  Like he gave me his x wifes email.  He owes her money.  He owes everyone money.  Don't make me go there dear old BIL.

   Today I want to finish the basement, go to the bank and finish the lawn.  I have to iron some clothes and my curtain and then I am basically caught up.  Oh I have to dust really bad.  Living on a gravel road is bad as far as dust goes.  Then tonight I want to go out to eat and relax.  Peace and joy all.

What did they expect.

    

     Being such good company I fell asleep at my MIL's last night while everyone sat on the porch and visited, LOL.   3 of them are heavy smokers and the smoke was getting to me so I didn't want to sit out there as it is humid, humidity and smoke seem to equal asthma attack lately for me so I stayed in the AC and kept my MIL company by snoring.  Helped her take a nap also, LOL.  Rick finally woke me up around 10 pm and brought me home.  My bed felt lovely.

    What to do today.  I want to mow the lawn, get a package ready and mail it.  Get some things listed in the shop as it is a free listing day, clean the house and do my arrhythmia test.  I would love it Rick would smoke something on the grill, but as he is over at his moms I think that won't happen.

    I had another bad night with weird dreams.  For 2 nights I have been dreaming of children dying.  Drowning in one  dream and some sort of accident in another.  Very disjointed disturbing dreams.  I am not taking any sleeping pills right now so can't blame it on that.  I wake up with my heart pounding and have trouble going to sleep.

    What triggers dreams like this. We haven't had any children die lately at work., that sometimes will trigger bad dreams for me.  And since I don't do house manager anymore I don't have to go to the codes involving children.  What ever is causing it I hope it stops soon.  Makes me worry about my grandbabies, irrational I know but I can't help it.

   It is going to be a nice day today.  If I get everything done I plan on a bike ride later.  Have to start training for the black hills.

   Well, I am off to get busy.  Hope all have a nice day.  take care.

My week off starts today.

   Usually I would be working tonight, but because of the holiday I am off and glad of it.  My back hurts and I am tired.  I had weird disturbing dreams and feel upset.  I hate weird dreams, they can haunt you if they were very disturbing and mine were.

   We are going to my MIL for supper.  Good news is I don't have to cook, hate cooking most of the time but we are bring a pie.  Guess how happy I am to be spending my day off  with my Beloved BIL,  Ha.  Rick has more relatives in town so more visiting.  My MIL and I will sit there and listen, her because she is ill and tired...too tired to talk, me because I am tired and too tired to talk.  Fortunately Rick can talk enough for the both of us.  Boy can that man talk.

   It is not as hot today as it has been.  What a blessing.  Fickle me, I am so cold, I am soooo hot.  Well shut me up!

       Zoey has been coughing lately.  What does it mean,  Does it mean anything.  Did she cough ever before she got this cancer.  I can't remember as I probably dismissed it or didn't think about it.  Now I can't help it.  She sits here as I type with her beautiful head resting on my leg and her warm brown eyes looking up at me.  Why can't I remember if she coughed before the cancer?  She had better be fine....she had just better be.

   Well I had better go and get ready.  Try to be a personable person.  His relative always seem to see me on this day, my first day off when I have only had 4 hours of sleep.  They must think me such a dud.

      

Guess what bike trail we might do next

   Depending on how things are going the first week in Sept we are thinking of going to the Black Hills and doing this trail.  Rick has been bugging me so if I start training now I might be ready by then.  Check it out and if anyone knows anyone who has done this trail let me know how it is.
http://www.blackhillsbadlands.com/external.asp?url=www.mickelsontrail.com



   I am getting ready for work.  I just work today and then am off until Tuesday.  Holiday pay, yippy.   Spend the day at my MIL's.   Good day today.
 
          

What is my journal rated

    Per Johns I checked to see what my blog is rated.  This one is rated G, gee I am so tame, LOL.  Weirdly enough my photo journal is rated PG because I used the word shoot 7 times and drug once.  Now I understand the shoot, after all I am shooting pictures, but when did I say drug.  Now on this one a G rating and they say I mention death and dead 12 times.  See, violence is OK but watch out for drugs!

      I got home yesterday and called to check on my MIL since my BIL was MIA.  No answer.  I left her a message to call me and waited.  10 minutes, no call so I call again.  No answer.  I send my hubby over and he calls to tell me she fell.  She fell trying to answer the phone call I was making to see if she was OK.  I can't win.  She is sore but OK.  Turns out my BIL was home after all but upstairs sleeping and as much as she called for help he didn't hear her.  She knew we would be coming when she didn't answer the phone so made herself comfortable and waited.  The time is coming soon.  I slept on the couch next to my FIL's bed so I could hear him if he needed me.  Apparently BIL likes to be more comfortable.

       

Check out our ride.

   I have an entry for the bike ride.

  

Bike ride

 
   They sent me home at 11 last night for low census so since I slept we went on a 17 mile bike ride.  Got to try a new trail.  What fun.  It doesn't take long to get back in the swing of riding and I love trying a new trail.  Can't wait until the whole thing is finished.  I will post pictures to my bike journal when I have time.  Time to get ready for work.  Enjoy the weekend.

The Perfect Rose

  When we go out Rick will buy me a rose, not just any rose but the perfect rose.  He looks them all over and is careful of his selection.  The rose lady loves him, LOL.  They usually last about a week and I think he outdid himself this time.  Don't you agree?

Work today

      
   Well as the sun goes down and the rest of the population gets ready to relax after a long day of work the night workers get ready to go. 

   In the winter it is so strange,  I come home in the dark, go to sleep while the sun is up and am only up to see the sun for an hour or so.  In the summer months the sun is so bright it is hard to get the room dark enough to sleep.  But I do like it. 

    The hospital is quieter at night.  Families have mostly gone home,  most of the help is gone except for the nurses and lab people.  The halls are darkened and still.  Patients finally get some rest. 

   Some patients have bad nights. They spend all day being brave for families and then their fears surface at night.  They have time to think about them.  No TV or doctors visits to distract them.  So we do a lot of sitting at bedsides reassuring patients at night.  Trying to make them comfortable so they get the rest they need.

    Checking on patients at night so as not to disturb them is difficult also.  I have to know how they are doing, but I want them to sleep.  So Croc's are great.  I can walk in an out with my little pen lite and not wake them up.

    Being I work on the heart floor we have the added bonus of having all of our patients on monitors.  We can watch the heart rates at the desk.  Lets us know when the patients are up and about lots of times as the pictures get fuzzy or the heart rate goes up.  Good time to check on them.  They think we are physic the way we know their awake, LOL.

    Also on my floor we are part of the code team.  So if there is a code blue anyplace in the hospital except ER one of us goes.  So the night usually goes by pretty fast.  As long as I sleep good the night before it goes well.  So lets hope it goes well tonight.
                

New Private journal

       I think I have everyone who wanted to be added added, let me know if you don't make it in and I'll try again.



   OK, I think you are all listed.  Try clicking on the link and see what happens.
http://journals.aol.com/megamom134/rants-and-raves/


    I have started a new private journal to discuss things I can't discuss in this one.  Things with my job, union,  family issues etc...  Probably boring, LOL.  Since I have 4 journals I keep already whats one more right!  Let me know if your interested in being a reader.

No Ride

   Well we were getting ready for the ride and I noticed Rick didn't look quite right.  Checked his pulse and he was in A- fib again.  Now he wouldn't have told me it I didn't recognize the symptoms.  As it was in the high 80's and low90's today I am happy I didn't miss it.  But he gets sweaty and pale, can't hide that.  I refused to go.  Having him drop dead or have a stroke is not my idea of a fun ride.  His A-fib is increasing again.  The meds aren't working.   Time to get his ablasion done.   This is happening at least once a week now.  A-fib is one of the leading cause of stroke.  I can't have my favorite bike riding partner drop dead on me.  I would miss him, LOL.
 

   It will be a battle talking him into it.  He has never had any type of procedure.  That is why he doesn't tell me when he has it as he doesn't want me pushing him into this.  But it will help hopefully and if it doesn't at least he tried.

   It is really hot and muggy.  Not nice like yesterday.  We are going to watch a movie and take it easy.  We are watching Deadwood right now. I am really disappointed in it.  Way to much swearing that is not necessary and I don't think they would have used in the movie.  Sorry, I don't like swearing.  Now when we watched Soprano's they swore, but it was appropriate to that type of movie.  This swearing is swearing for the sake of it.  Poor writing skills.  I don't think we will watch the rest of the series.  Glad I didn't pay for HBO and watched it.  This is one of the reasons why we gave up TV.

    Well, time to get the garbageout.  Take care all.  Work tomorrow, what fun.

Bike ride

       
   
     Yesterday we got a nice bike ride in.  Check out my link to the bike journal.  It was short, only 7.6 miles,but a perfect day for it.  Cool, light breeze.  Wonderful.

    I got up early yesterday and made my cake.  It looked so pretty and was a real hit at the dinner. My MIL enjoyed her company.

    She is starting to get jaundiced looking, which means yellow.  It happens with this type of cancer.  She hadn't been, this just started. 

   Our relatives were shocked to see how much thinner she was they last month when they were here.  One of Ricks uncles came who is going to be 92 in 2 weeks, on the 4th of July.  I made the flag cake with him in mind and he loved.  So weird to see all these relatives so elderly.  I remember when I first got married to Rick.  He had so many relatives it intimidated me and this uncle had the biggest booming voice.  Now from an old stroke he barely speaks above a whisper.  Old age isn't always kind.

    The house was a mess again.  I started washing up and my MIL said, It's hopeless, they started messing it up again the second you left.  I told her to start getting on them about picking up after themselves.  After all, they are old enough to clean up after themselves. 

    My BIL made spagetti but we didn't eat any as we got there late because of the ride, Grin,   We were just in time to deliver the dessert.

    Well, got to go, I have another ride to get ready for.  We are going for the 27 mile ride today.  Not sure if I am ready for that but it is suppose to be cool.  Wish me luck.

Wren

      For the record, I did not take the picture below, wish I had, LOL.
             

    So tiny and cute, Isn't it sweet?  Did you know it is a songbird and it has a very loud song?  Did you know it starts singing at 5 IN THE MORNING?   RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WHERE IT HAS A NEST.  DID YOU KNOW IT IS STILL SINGING.......3 HOURS LATER AT THE TOP OF IT TINY LITTLE LUNGS.   ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

                            
   I am getting ready to go to my MIL's to do some cleaning for the company tomorrow.  She had a bad day yesterday.  Very tired and exhausted.  She told Rick she is going to not renew the newspaper because she doesn't think she will be here much longer.
               

     Well, we didn't go on a bike ride yesterday.  Rick got back from his motorcycle ride and said the wind was brutal.  Gale force wind warnings all day.  We didn't eat chicken either.  Rick made some killer steaks on the grill with sauted mushrooms, a nice spring salad and a great italian bread.  Then we ran some errands.  When we got back BIL and nephew were here.  

                         Now for my BIL daily rant.

                   They went into my other house and  dug around.  "Borrowed some video tapes" and who knows what else.  We had our old house re-zoned as a storage unit until the day I can afford to tear it down.  I thought is was locked up tight.  What gall.  I would never never never go into another persons property even if it was a relative with out asking.  I wouldn't "borrow their stuff" without asking.  Where does this guy get off.  I kept my temper in front of my nephew and just mentioned that going in someone else's house while they weren't there wasn't the nicest thing.  What if I had had the alarm on?  I will from now on I tell you.

      So here I am, all relaxed after my meditation this morning. Ommmmmmm
              

    Hoping to kick them out so I can clean quickly and then come back and start the ribs and bake a cake for tomorrow.  I am making an american flag cake for tomorrow with fresh strawberries, yummy. Low fat of course.

   Well, have a great day all.  I will.  I decided on no gym today as cleaning her house from top to bottom should be plentyof exercise for today, sound like a good excuse?

                                

We are going to have more babies.

   Momma Robin has more eggs.  I wonder how many a season they do.  Are there 4 or 5 eggs?

Fathers Day

            Hope all you Fathers out there are having a wonderful day.  Rick is out on his motorcycle.  I hope he is having a safe and wonderful day also as I get nervous when he rides.  People just don't watch out for motorcyclists around here.  Then this afternoon he wants to ride our bikes along the river.

       Well that sounds great to me, but I must admit to being sore all over from going to the gym the other day.  Even lowering my weights I feel like I have been hit by a truck.  What is suppose to be my abdominal muscles are screaming today and my legs had charlies all night.  This will teach me to be a slacker ever again.  We are hitting the gym in the morning again.  The wind is also blowing to beat the band.  It can be a real challenge riding bikes in the wind.  But it is his day and I will do it if it kills me by golly.  And I want to get back into the shape we where in last year.

      Last night I was sitting here and felt something on my neck.  Darn tick.  I hate those things.  Zoey must have given it a ride in.  Sweet of her.

     Are you ready for my BIL Witch of the Day?  If not stop right here, LOL
     Got to my MIL's yesterday.  Unbelievably she is even thinner.  I asked her why we hadn't had to get her any boost lately.  Well she is forgetting to drink them.  I had asked BIL to bring her 3 a day and if you bring them to her she will drink them.  She just is too tired and forgetful to get them on her own anymore.  Obviously he isn't doing it.

    Now I know that is not going to cure her.  I know I can't force her to eat.  But she doesn't mind drinking them.  BIL says he is making her 3 meals a day. I am sure he is, but she will only eat a couple bites of a meal where if she drinks the entire bottle of Boost she gets a complete meal.  Big difference.  I am going nuts watching her starve to death here.  Why won't he do it?  Is he trying to hurry her along?  I asked my sweet nephew to do it and he is a good kid.  I bet he remembers.

     She has company coming Tuesday.  I am going over early and do more cleaning and I am making a dessert.  BIL is making a ham.  He is a good cook, but I worry about him preparing food.  He does not look healthy to me.  Could he be sharing anything?  Does he wash his hands when he cooks?  So many questions, LOL.  My active imagination is going overtime here.

    I am not sure what we are doing about supper.  I was going to make ribs.  Rick wants to ride.  It takes hours to make ribs in the smoker so I guess they will wait and we will come up with something else.  I might, Horrors, have to cook here tonight.  He loves my low fat chicken dinner and it is really fast to make.  That might be good tonight.  Its the one where you rub chili powder on the chicken breasts and have them over corn, black beans and salsa.  Just yummy with a salad and very low cal.

    Well, check out my photo journal.  I put a lot of my flower shots on there is you like flower pictures.  Bye all.

One last entry

   I just had to mention this.  Remember when I tried to get sleeping pills from my doc?  She ordered me the Ambien CR and my insurance wouldn't let me get them until I had tried the ambien plain?  Well yesterday I asked the doc to refill my sleeping pills for me.  Thinking I would get the plain ambien again.  Go to pick it up and they give me the ambien CR.  No hassels, no questions.   I will never understand the mind of the insurances companies.  They exist to just drive me crazy.

    Night all.

Something funny

   In my shopping today I checked out the new diet pill Allie.   Guess what isle it was in?  The one with the depends!  Hummmmm.  I already have irritable bowel.  Anyway I thought that was funny.  They warn you to wear dark clothes and bring changes of clothes with you if you go anywhere.  And you know what?  I would use it in a heartbeat if it works, LOL.

       Check out my weird toadstool, yikky  I thought it deserved a face.
            

               Yesterday we went downtown for supper, yes, got out of cooking again.  It was Awesome Biker Night.  Used to be Awesome Harley Night,  but they wanted to make it open for everyone on 2 wheels. 

    Usually I stay way clear of events like that.  Straight pipes giving me a terrible headache, lawyers dressed up like big bad bikers for the day, leather leather leather.  But I was in the mood for a good meal I didn't cook.  The owner let us come in through the back door so we didn't have to pay and we sat outside on the patio and watched the goings on.

     I saw a woman with boots up to her netherlands and a cut away dress like you only see in Fredrick's of Hollywood.  It was funny watching all the "bikers" checking her out as she passed. 

   Saw enough beer guts to assure my job is safe for at least another 30 years.  Saw young men acting stupid and old men acting stupid.  What was it they were drinking in those blue bottles? 

   Saw the most awesome Indian motorcycle, yellow my favorite color.   Saw 100's of people coming together in peace and having a good time.  So it was fun.  I enjoyed myself and I didn't have to cook.  And more and more people are getting the hint that straight pipes suck and are unnecessarily noisy.  Of course they say they want to be heard so they don't have people pull in front of them.  I don't think that is the real reason, LOL.  They want people to look at them.  Plus it makes your bike run bad.  Ever notice the difference in the way your car runs when you get a new muffler?

   Today I am cleaning my MIL's house.  I was there yesterday and can't stand how messy it is.  My BIL is not a neat freak.  My MIL was but can't do anything about it now.  It is driving her nuts.  Me too because I know how much she is hating it.  So off I go, Mrs Clean, LOL.