Hospice

   It as been a busy day.  The hospice coordinator came at 9 and we filled out the paper work and found out what all the services are they offer.  We are going to have a bath aide come twice a week to help my MIL with her shower as we just found out it has been hard for her.  They will get a shower chair to help her out.  The nurse will come twice a week also.  I hope they both come different days because that will give her something to look forward to 4 days a week. 

   She loves company and always does better with the mental stimulation.  Her nurses name is Julie.  I thought that was great as it was help her remember, but when the nurse left she asked, What was her name again?  I thought she was kidding but she wasn't.  Anyway the whole thing went pretty well. 

    My MIL is doing pretty good, even joking around alittle.  She even ate some soup I heated and some woman dropped off more soup for her.  People are so nice. 

   We have been hearing from different relatives and some of her favorites nieces are coming next week to visit.  They always spoil her rotten and she loves it.  Cook gourmet and bring her See's candy which she loves. 

   Also went to the bank and got some paper work done and the lawyer is coming to go over the will.  Rick needs to be named the executor of the estate and then everything is taken care of.  All that will be left is taking care of her.

   Tomorrow I start my long stretch again.  I am thinking when she gets sicker of hiring a aide to stay at night while I work.  My husband will be there, but he is a very deep sleeper.  I should be able to find someone who is looking for some extra money.

   Hospice also could havesomeone come in to do light housekeeping, but I should be able to handle that on my days off.  They also have a respite care where once every 9 weeks for 5 days she can check into the hospital so we can get a break if we need it.  Wouldn't that be great if they had that for all the care givers out there?  There are alot of people who get no breaks from the daily job of being a care giver and if you think it is an easy job your wrong.  We get these very elderly couple where one is the care giver.  I don't know how the do it when they are elderly and frail themselves.  Love can make you do many things you wouldn't think your capable of.  They all look so tired though.

    So that is where we are now.  The first awful shock has worn off and the numbing acceptance has taken it's place.  Plus worry.  Worry she might suffer.  But I am fairly certain hospice will do all in their power to keep that from happening.

   It snowed all day off and on and not a single flake as remained as it is warmer out.  We shall see what happens over night.  I am definately taking a sleeping pill tonight. I only slept an hour or two last night.  I need to be rested for work tomorrow.

   Night all and once again, thanks for listening and thanks for the support.

Whaaaa, it's Snowing!

            

   Excuse me, isn't it April?  As in April Showers Bring May Flowers!  Not April Snows!   I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike.  At this rate it will warm up right in time for winter or the very very hot humid days of summer.  My poor flowers.

   We are getting ready to go to my MIL to meet with the hospice nurse.   My BIL called last night.  In a way we have it so much easier because we have seen my MIL get weaker and thinner.  We were somewhat prepared.  He hasn't seen her in 5 years.  He remembers her healthy as a horse.   He's making all these promises about moving out here and taking care of her.  Visit, yes he should come, move here?  No.  His son is down where he lives.  It is warm where he lives.  He would hate it here.  We told him to take a few weeks to just let this sink in and not to do anything drastic he would reqret.  We shall see.

Well, we knew it wasn't good

                

               Donna always has such beautiful tags.

   Well the doctor was straight forward and honest.  Really nice, but said right out front that they would not be able to cure her pancreatic cancer.  He is 99% certain that is what it is.  They would only be certain if they biopsied it and he thinks that would be really hard on her.  He doesn't recommend chemo or radiation either.  If she was younger and stronger maybe but the treatment would be very hard for her to take at her age.  She says she doesn't want her last months to be spent sick.  She just wants to make sure she is kept as pain free as possible.  So then he told her to get on hospice and start thinking about a nursing home.  We told him we would be moving in when the time came which seemed to surprise him, but it worked with my FIL.  My son stayed here and took care of this house.  He said it could be as long as 6 months, maybe longer but my gut says it won't be that long.  She is down 2 more pounds.

    When we got home hospice called within 1/2 hour which was a shock.  I guess I was expecting that to take some time also.  They are coming out in the morning.  I am hoping we get the nurse that came out to visit my FIL as I used to work with her and we are friends. 

   So now we start the nightmare all over again with another loved one.  Sometimes I feel the best thing I ever did was become a nurse so I could do something to repay the people I love for everything they have done for me and meant to me.

No snow

          

    They were predicting snow today, so far it is just lightly raining.  Good.  We have 2 more days they say it could snow.  I sure hope they are wrong every day.  I look at my poor plants, withered and brown from freezing.  My poppies look like they won't survive, my rhubarb either.    I have no idea how the lilacs will do.  I sure hope they perk up when it warms up.

                                                              

     Looking outside this morning, cowbirds, a pair of cardinals, junco's, turkey, squirrel, deer, some black birds and a sparrow or two.  Further back a pair of morning doves.  Just need Thumper and some blue birds to complete the picture.

 

   Where they have been feeding all my grass is dead.  Rick throws some seed on the ground for the birds who like to eat there and it sure has messed up my lawn.  But you know what?  I like the animals better then the grass anyway.

          Yesterday wespent at my MIL going through her papers.  We were shocked to see she just has a small life insurance policy.  She would never talk about it before, just said there was enough to bury her.  Maybe 30 years ago, but I am not sure now.   She wanted to make sure we knew where everything was kept and who gets what.  I told her it would be nice if she gave the things to the people she loves now instead of waiting.  Then she could tell them why she wanted them to have it and what it means to her.  She thought that was a good idea.  Then she turned around and gave me her diamonds and some other rings.  I didn't mean that!  I meant the nieces and other family members.  So that was kind of awkward.  She remembered my diamond had gone down her drain when I was showering and that I didn't have one now.  So that was sweet.

    Today we see the cancer doctor.  We are dreading it and looking forward to it.  Dreading it because even though we were told it was bad he may tell us exactly how bad.  Looking forward to it to get more answers.  Like where the cancer started in the first place, how sure they are, if there is any treatment or hope and if not what do we do to make sure she is comfortable from day one.  I told Betty if it looks like there is no treatment options we will get hospice started right away.  Betty doesn't really want to do any chemo anyway unless it has a very good chance of cure.  So all these questions.  Will we get answers?  I hope so.  She started having stomach pain about 2 days ago and is nauseated again.

    Everyone stop by Joyce and lend some support.  Her mother is very ill.  Take care and I'll probably write about the doctors visit later.

Out of the mouths of Babes

                           

           Good Morning everyone.  Hope you hall had a relaxing and revitalizing day.  I watched on the news at my MIL and saw the  little children digging though the snow looking for their Easter eggs in Ohio, how cute.  Glad we didn't get any of that white stuff though they are predicting it all week here.  I sure hope they are wrong.

          I decided I was being a terrible DIL by not planning anything for Easter dinner especially since it might be my MIL's last easter dinner.  So we went and bought a ham and I cooked ham, pototoes and green bean casserole plus a mile high apple pie.   So we had a nice dinner and spend the day visiting.

        I talked to my grandchildren and they are so cute.  They have talked to them about my MIL being sick so my grandson who is 2 1/2 had to discuss it with me.  He goes, " Gramma Betty isn't going to die because we are going to save her but her house is dying and we can't see it anymore,"  Well.......Ok Gabey.   My son explained that they had told him since Betty was a good woman and had been saved she would live on heaven and our memories even if we couldn't visit her at her home anymore.  That was how Gabe summed it up.  Have to admit it gave me some chuckles.  Its so simple and concrete to children.

   Work was good the other day.  The patients were sweet and the night went fast.  The money is really good on a holiday which will be nice since I missed a day.  I get double time plus an extra 8 hours of PTO.   That will be nice.

   Today we are going to my MIL.  I am going to clean the house and do some laundry since she has company coming Wednesday.  Then we are going over papers.  The lawyer will be coming over soon and we want everything written in black and white.  My BIL will historically cause a huge amount of trouble when the time comes and want it in stone how things will be handles and who gets what and where. We have decided we will probably move in there when she gets worse.  I will miss my computer.  Last time I moved my computer over there and I might again as I need it for my on line business.  Tomorrow we see the doctor and get the rest of the story.

     Analytical I find it interesting the way your body responds to stress.  I am guessing my week long headache was due to anticipation of the bad news I knew in my gut was coming.  Now I have a cold sore which I always get when I am sick or under stress.   My husband has completely lost his appetite, he's alot like his mother and I am having a terrible time keeping mine under control.   I went shopping and got all kind of low calorie snacking things on hand as I seem to snack when I am under stress.  So low fat yogurt, rice cakes, carrots, etc....   I sure miss my apples and oranges.  I am using the new toothpaste which seems to work great.

     My MIL is still doing all the wonderful things that drive us crazy sometimes and that I written about here.  Some things never change.  Now though we bite our tongue a little tighter.  She told my hubby she had called a friend of hers who also is very sick and in a home dying of cancer.  It is all over and in all her bones.  Betty was kind of upset her friend didn't seem more upset over Betty's news.  My hubby said, well what do you expect for God's sake, she is dying and on a huge amount of morphine for pain.  It isn't always about you Mom. 

   Seems mean, but you have to have lived with this woman for years to understand this.  With my MIL it was always about her.  When my FIL was dying is was all about her and now she is the star of this show.  Sounds mean, I don't mean it to.  Just this is how she is.  Now every sentence is, I can't do this because I am too weak.  It used to be,   I can't do this because I am old, or a poor widow, or cold or hot or tired, or any hundred other excuses.   But she IS weak.  This will be such a tiring time.

     I got a new sleeping pill from the doctor and slept a blessed 9 hours last night.  What a wonder that was.  I feel like a whole new woman.  Gee I should look in the mirror, maybe I am thin and beautiful?

    Well that is all the rambling on I will do.  I wanted to share this. Someone sent it to me yesterday and I thought is was too good to save until next year.

                       

Blessed Easter

                    

“On the third day he rose again.”

Tell us, Mary, what did you see
that early morning
on your way?

“I saw his tomb,
I saw the glory of Christ,
now risen,
angels who gave witness.
I saw the cloths
that covered his head and body.
I heard him speak my name
and turning, saw he was alive
At daybreak
I came weeping to the garden
for the one I lost.
But now, the Sun risen,
it was paradise,
and I, a new Eve,
had news of life for all the living.”

       

   Blessed Easter to you all .  May we all rejoice in his word.

       

 

Easter Humor